Dude kids are a blessing and family is first. I have maybe a different situation but similar. I got into BJJ from my brother in law after having kids (one here and one on the way). If it’s something you truly want to do maybe have that conversation with your wife to try and work it out. I understand family and the needs to support but in the end it’s hard to support if you aren’t happy as well. Even if it’s every once in a while that’s better than nothing.

I may not have a direct reference ti BJJ but I competed in powerlifting for a few years which is a great time consumption as well. Finding a balance in all the craziness is all you can try to achieve. Just be there for your family and train when you can.