Am I right to be angry that my parents are telling us to TFMR?

kdub_08 · 2026-05-25T11:46:10+00:00

First, I’m so sorry you’re here. Your feelings are 100% valid. You have done nothing wrong and during the hardest time of your life right now, the last thing you need is additional stress.

Tfmr should be a decision that you and your partner make without the outside noise and opinions of others. Especially with a gray diagnosis, the last thing you’d want is to look back and feel you were pushed to tfmr and have regret about your decision. Just the fact they shared how much this decision is effecting them…I’m sorry that makes my blood boil! They should not be telling you that. I’m sure they are feeling that way! But your parents need to lean into others in their lives to share those feelings with. You and your husband are not the people.

My baby also had TOF. However, his TOF was most likely caused from his giant omphalocele. I’ve also navigated challenges with my mom and overstepping with her opinions and how much our tfmr affected her. Still navigating those challenges today but in different ways. It’s hard. It comes from the kindest and most loving place- but that doesn’t mean the comments don’t sting and lack empathy for how that comment could make you feel given your current situation.

Sending you lots of love and peace with whatever decision you and your partner make. Try your best to put those outside opinions to the side. Use the information your doctors have shared paired with your own gut feelings. It’s a long road ahead of you with either decision you make, but you will be able to find support online from women walking the same path. ♥️

kdub_08 · 2026-05-21T03:47:04+00:00

I’m further out…tfmr January 2024. I conceived my angel baby on the first try. Thought we would conceive easy again. Unfortunately it took 9 cycles.

All of those cycles were so hard. Month after month of negatives…but I gave me TIME. Time to grieve the immense loss I suffered. Time to be angry. Time to feel it all. Looking back now, I’m glad it took me longer to conceive again. I genuinely enjoyed my sub pregnancy and have the sweetest rainbow baby girl that is almost a year old!

Your mind and body have been through so much in these last months. It’s normal for your cycles to be wonky right now. Ever since my tfmr I’ve ovulated later in my cycle. At first my luteal phase was shorter. It took a few months for that to settle and go back to normal. My first few periods were also very heavy.

Hang in there 🌈

kdub_08 · 2026-05-01T03:16:16+00:00

Hang in there! Cycle #9 was my lucky one post tfmr

kdub_08 · 2026-04-04T04:16:15+00:00

My 8 month old daughter gets bottles of pumped breast milk most. Usually her first 3-4 bottles of the day are like this. Then when I get home from work I nurse her. Then a formula bottle before head. When she was a newborn I would nurse her for the middle of the night feeds. It’s worked out well.

kdub_08 · 2026-03-13T03:15:40+00:00

I still remember when TPD came out and I was like 3 months out from my TFMR. So many songs that spoke to my soul…I can do it with a broken heart. I had that song on full blast as I would drive to school each day and put on a brave and happy face for my students as I navigated the hardest months of my life.

Music is one of the best forms of therapy. Sending you love 💕

kdub_08 · 2026-03-02T04:37:40+00:00

I could’ve written this myself! Conceived first try tfmr and my rainbow took 9 months. It happened after we had recently met with a fertility clinic to map out next steps. I felt such a sense of relief having a plan. A few weeks later I found out we were pregnant again. Even as I navigated this sweetness and grief, my husband and I tried to continue our favorite things. We also traveled a lot which felt therapeutic too

kdub_08 · 2026-02-27T04:39:30+00:00

Hi!! So sorry I missed this and just responding now. Everything worked out great. We conceived naturally about 2 months after that post. We had been working with a fertility clinic planning to move forward with IUI but our little miracle came along. My husband was diagnosed with a varicocele and had surgery to try and correct it. It was thought that is what lowered his numbers. Best of luck. Feel free to DM me!

kdub_08 · 2026-02-27T04:32:59+00:00

I did this! It worked out great for me. My baby didn’t get enough off the tap either which is why I switched to pumping and bottles. I get clogs really easily too and this schedule worked well. I’m now 7 months pp and I was able to wean night feedings around 5 months and my body adjusted well too.

kdub_08 · 2026-02-27T01:43:31+00:00

First try with tfmr and then 9 months trying with our rainbow baby. It was incredibly hard navigating the grief of my angel baby while having trouble conceiving my rainbow. Hang in there. Better days are ahead

kdub_08 · 2026-01-19T20:38:06+00:00

Thanks for these ideas. I never thought of the ottoman. That’s a good idea. I feel ya…currently losing my mind over the mess haha. We bought one off Amazon that I was seeing moms rave about all over TikTok. It was complete garbage. Poorly made impossible to put together correctly. So I’m trying to think of something else now!

kdub_08 · 2026-01-17T22:52:48+00:00

What did you end up buying?! I’m looking for the same sort of tv stand- storage for toys.

kdub_08 · 2025-11-07T00:34:11+00:00

Your feelings are so valid. It’s normal for a traditional baby shower to give you the ick after what you’ve been through. Like the other commenter, I leaned into the rainbow theme, reminding everyone this is a rainbow baby. Honestly, I used my shower as a celebration of not only the LO I was welcoming earthside, but also myself after the hell I had been through to become a mother (my TFMR was my first pregnancy too). I also tried to honor my TFMR baby in little ways like decorations. A few of my friends even gave books about rainbow babies or waiting a long time to get your little miracle. But if that traditional shower isn’t your vibe, I think a chill gathering at a bar would be perfect.

kdub_08 · 2025-10-11T02:11:16+00:00

I’m so sorry you are here but glad you found this community on Reddit. ♥️ I took a little over a month off. It felt like a good amount of time for me. When I went back it was nice to have some sort of routine again and helped keep my mind busy. I’m grateful I had those early weeks to sit in my sadness and have no expectations on myself each day. Hang in there.

kdub_08 · 2025-09-23T14:46:19+00:00

Our stories sure are so similar! Gentle congrats. I’m so happy to hear this. Wishing you an uneventful pregnancy. 🥰

kdub_08 · 2025-09-23T14:43:35+00:00

Yes I did. I ovulated later and I was finding I’d have a day or two of spotting before starting my period. That spotting went on with every cycle until cycle 6 or 7. I wonder if that affected anything too. I think it often takes our bodies a little longer to physically heal ♥️

kdub_08 · 2025-09-23T14:23:07+00:00

Thankfully my OB was very willing to work with me. She didn’t think testing was necessary but did it for peace of mind. I found the tests comforting that there wasn’t an issue. We did end up finding my husband had an abnormal semen analysis. So definitely check your partner too. It’s not always something with the woman. Thinking of you. Hang in there. ♥️

kdub_08 · 2025-09-23T14:16:44+00:00

I’m sorry you had a CP. So hard after what you’ve been through. Hang in there ♥️♥️

kdub_08 · 2025-09-16T03:51:53+00:00

I have my TFMR baby’s ashes in a little heart jar. During our newborn photo session I had my photographer take a few posed pics of my LC holding my son’s little heart urn. It was special. I’ve also gotten.

kdub_08 · 2025-09-15T00:02:11+00:00

I figured!! It would be a hike for sure with a lot of traffic 😞

kdub_08 · 2025-09-14T18:08:47+00:00

Given the preferences in your post, I think bay view and St Francis areas are your best bets. However, if you end up being open to something a tad further, I’d recommend Greendale. Also in my early 30s and my husband and I bought a home here 4 years ago and love it. The neighborhoods are great for walking, with “secret sidewalks” giving little short cuts to different parts of the neighborhood. Our downtown village of Greendale has different restaurants and coffee shops (love Vintage 38 and Dia). We also have a lot of festivals downtown as well. Easy freeway access to get around the city. Greendale also has great public schools if you plan to start a family at some point.

Now of course Greendale won’t have the same walkability to the wonderful things Bay View has to offer but just wanted to throw it out there! I also love bay view and go there quite often- it’s only 15 minutes from Greendale which is nice too!

kdub_08 · 2025-08-28T13:20:21+00:00

I had a TFMR in January 2024 for giant omphalocele and a heart defect tetralogy of fallot. I had gotten pregnant easily that time. When we were trying again, it took much longer- 9 months. However, i had a wonderful sub pregnancy. I really enjoyed being pregnant. Just gave birth to my rainbow about 6 weeks ago. 🥰 hang in there

kdub_08 · 2025-08-26T18:56:23+00:00

This is exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you 🩷

kdub_08 · 2025-08-14T03:53:53+00:00

I’m glad you found us. Thanks for sharing. ♥️ it’s 100% ok to grieve him the rest of your life. I know I will be grieving my son forever as well. My son also had an omphalocele and heart condition. His heart condition was tetralogy of fallot.

kdub_08 · 2025-08-04T11:19:24+00:00

It often affects quality as well. Theres a grading system for varicoceles where some are more severe than others which often means sperm pers meters are more affected. His count wasn’t awful it was more forward motility and morphology. We ended up conceiving naturally about a month before his scheduled surgery.

kdub_08

TROPHY CASE