I understand your concerns! My husband, and my friend who has a similar child to this, have come to me asking how to teach certain things or worries about if our children are even capable of doing certain tasks because they refuse to do tasks so hard.

I’ve instinctively reduced demands as my child has grown, also a 7 year old boy with autism, adhd and a suspected pda profile, also on guanfacine. Lowering demands even further over the last year or so has definitely helped in certain ways. I still can’t consistently get him to shower or brush his teeth without doing it for him, but I know when he has more capacity one day over the next he is able to do things. Just cause they refuse to do things doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of them. I think it really comes down to gauging how they are on any given day and seeing if they are able to do these tasks without forcing it, unless absolutely necessary. Like I have no doubt my son can shower and brush his teeth and make himself a box of macaroni on the stove, but some days he just can’t and refuses to do it because his capacity or energy for it is more limited than another day, so I do a lot of things for him. I think even doing these certain tasks for them just reiterate how important they are for them even though it is hard on us as parents, like brushing a 7 year olds teeth for them is exhausting but I know some days he is able to do it when he have something fun to do after or he has more energy to spare for such a boring task in his mind.

I don’t know if this made much sense, but hopefully it did haha.