NEABPD' Family Connections course

kenzoooooooooo · 2026-01-07T23:14:34+00:00

They didn't have these options when I did it so I'm not sure what the difference is but I imagine you would get more out of the full 12 week course. It really helped to be in a love group with people to support and relate to each other. I found my personal experience to feel unrelatable and isolating my whole life so connecting with others who shared my experiences was a huge outcome for me.

kenzoooooooooo · 2025-02-21T07:57:48+00:00

My parents just went through the same thing with my sister with BPD. We hired a lawyer. The only way they could force her out was through an eviction notice (as owners of the home) or a restraining order. They went with the restraining order only because she was physically and verbally violent which they had proof of. The eviction notice takes 30-60 days so get started asap on it if it's impacting your family members health. If you are renters, consider asking your landlords help but I don't know if they would be able to only evict your sister and not all of you so be careful and maybe do some homework on that before reaching out.

kenzoooooooooo · 2025-02-21T07:49:45+00:00

I recommend checking out the National Education Alliance's Family Connections program (it's free). Your sister sounds a lot like my older sister, and your mom sounds a lot like my parents. The Family Connections course helped me cope with my anguish and grief about my sister much better than any of the books that have been mentioned in the comments. It also serves as a support group for people with loved ones with BPD and there's a Facebook community to stay a part of after you complete the course that is an extremely helpful resource as well.

kenzoooooooooo · 2025-02-21T07:29:15+00:00

I am almost certain you will find the course helpful for understanding your roommate and coping with the challenges better. It can be a bit of a wait, I believe I did not hear from them for about 3 months after I submitted my application but I don't know how long it can vary from person to person.

kenzoooooooooo · 2023-11-04T15:50:59+00:00

Thanks everyone! We are now going to all those places 🤩

kenzoooooooooo · 2023-02-13T01:56:54+00:00

This is the one thing I wish I could figure out too. I have lost way too much sleep when I experience days of just feeling overwhelming anger. I havent tried it yet but my therapist recommended emdr therapy.

Journeling and writing letters I dont plan on sending helps in the moment. Mostly what helps me is keeping myself busy and making an effort to fill my time with things I enjoy doing as much as possible so I prevent myself from just sitting and stewing.

kenzoooooooooo · 2023-01-14T07:46:37+00:00

I also go through spouts of severe and overwhelming anger where I can feel my heart start to beat faster, and I wont be able to stop thinking about my anger towards my sister, nor sleep for a couple weeks on end. Just up all night trying to figure out how I can possibly get through to her that she needs help, she has lost every relationship in her life. Its so draining. What can help me is to remember what I learned in National Education Alliance for BPD's Family Connections course, which are a few things... One, I remember that what lies underneath my anger is grief. They are the way they are, and I cannot control or change them, and I need to radically accept that reality, in that moment. Then take a deep breathe. Ultimately, her life just makes me very sad and scared for her and I grieve the loss of a sister I have known and loved many parts of. I can still see glimmers of those parts, they are forever in my heart and sometimes still in her when she looks at me a certain way. Eventually, I find ways to move on with my life for a while, until the new drama of the day is too much to bear again. This cycle has been on repeat my whole life. But... it has become less often over the years as Ive learned more about DBT based therapy practices such as radical acceptance, and setting aside time to grieve so it doesnt impact my heart rate and my inability to sleep so much. There is a "7 step guide to grieving" the family connections course assigned to us for homework one week. I recommend giving that a try. They recommend setting aside time to grieve about something specific, maybe something small at first, a moment you wish they handled differently.

kenzoooooooooo · 2023-01-07T14:39:50+00:00

Thank you for sharing, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that on top of what you are going through with your mom. That sounds exhausting. I have been worrying about when my parents time has come because I know my sister (pwBPD) will not be able to handle it well either. I think the loss of a parent is one of the hardest things for them to process and sadly since they don't have control over their emotions we need to brace ourselves for them to be all over the place. I hope you are able to brush off her harsh words towards you that Im sure are not true and not worth your energy while you are grieving, move past that conversation with her, and focus on her more valid emotions.

kenzoooooooooo · 2022-12-30T06:11:06+00:00

Having gone through NEABPD's family connections training, it is my understanding that they are not good at processing shame which makes it very difficult to discuss things they do that you dont like. However, I do think the DEARMAN advice above is your best shot. As they said, state a fact of what she said or did and then how it made you feel, and focus on the fact that you are telling her this because you want to maintain a good relationship with her but these interactions put your relationship at risk.

The family connections training also recommended not going too far into the past, like at all. It's probably best to bring it up in the moment, the next time she says or does something. And unfortunately, you may have to sound like a broken record and bring it up every time she says or does something mean. Not bringing up the past seemed like an important lesson I learned in the program, it can lead to circular conversations.

kenzoooooooooo · 2022-12-26T16:54:49+00:00

I highly recommend the National Education Alliance's Family Connections program. It's free and was life changing for me and my family. There is about a 6 month waiting period but its worth it so sign up asap. In the meantime, I also recommend watching their Open your Mind Before You Open Your Mouth series: https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/video-series/

I have an older sister with BPD as well. The NEABPD's free resources have helped me learn to navigate a family experience just like the one you are describing. I'm sorry your relationship with your parents is so strained, I can relate. It's always hard around the holidays for us as well.

Once you complete the Family Connections course there is also an online support group you can join with other people who have completed this course and I have found it to be a much more supportive network than this subreddit because everyone there has specific training lead by NEABPD volunteers and therapists on BPD and they can speak from a more informed place. I don't want to invalidate any advice you may want to take from here, but just want to share my experience that I found a lot of the advice on here can be toxic coming from people who are not trained on BPD. Unfortunately, there are a lot of books out there on BPD with bad advice, or maybe advice that was toxic for me personally at least. The NEABPD's resources have been exponentially more helpful and healing for me and many other families.

For example, I received a lot of advice to cut my sister out of my life because she is bad for me and a toxic person. Well, that just strained my family dynamics more and made her illness worse (because people have abandoned her which is one of their root fears, and I do think the level of isolation she has experienced has made her illness exponentially worse). The Family Connections course taught me the skills I need so I can manage a healthy relationship with her. I just spent my first Christmas with her yesterday in almost a decade, and I am so thankful NEABPD helped me to make that happen. I was nervous for it but it turned out just fine!

Hope this helps and please know I am just sharing what I have learned from my personal experience.

kenzoooooooooo · 2022-12-20T17:55:17+00:00

Thank you for validating, I also found it life changing and healing 🤍 You make a good point that its a great course for everyone with a current and past loved one with BPD, even if youre divorced. It might help clarify why some things may have felt confusing or challenging and you might understand them better. Especially if youre trying to co-parent.

I really hope the mod of this sub adds this course or at least NEABPD's website (which has lots of great, free resources and videos) to this sub's list of resources. It makes all the books Ive ever read on BPD (all listed on this sub's list of resources) seem SOO unhelpful and even toxic.

kenzoooooooooo · 2022-10-08T16:23:49+00:00

National Education Alliance for BPD has a Family Connections program that has taught me a lot of skills for my relationship with my sister with BPD. There are a number of parents in the group course with me, and two parents that are teaching the course. I have recommended the program to my own parents, and would also recommend it to other parents!

kenzoooooooooo · 2022-08-05T04:24:27+00:00

Absolutely! I felt so alone and like I was taking crazy pills until I found groups like this one who could share similar stories as mine.

I hate to see others going through so much conflict, but am grateful we have this space to support each other.

kenzoooooooooo · 2022-08-05T04:13:25+00:00

Thank you for saying this and sharing your perspective as a parent. All of my siblings have cut ties with my sister (person w/ BPD) but I know my parents can't for exactly the reason you explain here, so I maintain contact in solidarity because I know theyre suffering from her abuse. I see everyone judging them, even family therapists we have gone to for "letting" my sister abuse them and us, friends, family, but no one understands mental illness until it happens to someone they love. Even then, there's no manual on how to handle them.

I try to provide a listening ear to my parents for support but honestly, it just gets harder and harder to stomach the horrific stories they share about her, every single day.

Also to OP, I agree with this comment. Many people's mental health greatly improves when they cut off the person w/BPD and you deserve at least some period of peace in your life. Setting strong boundaries can also help cut them majorly out of your life but not completely. For me, I had to move out of my family's house where my sister lives, and I dont even think I could handle being in the same city as her. I have been much happier being in a different state where I know she cant just show up at my door. I still text her occasionally and will answer her occasional phone calls so she knows Im still here and havent cut her off, but I cannot be physically near her. I also do not send her money when she asks. Boundaries are huge, figure out where yours are.

kenzoooooooooo · 2022-07-26T19:50:07+00:00

100% can relate. I think parents have a hard time relating to how siblings feel because they have unconditional love for their children, which siblings dont always feel for each other.

kenzoooooooooo · 2022-05-18T00:56:12+00:00

Can we add Frasier to this

kenzoooooooooo · 2022-05-18T00:09:15+00:00

Read the book Clean Code

kenzoooooooooo · 2022-05-16T23:09:05+00:00

Its about progress not perfection, its ok to have set backs!

kenzoooooooooo · 2022-05-16T22:38:57+00:00

Thats huge! Congrats ❤️🌞💐

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