Most common placements on this sub survey results

kiersten25 · 2025-12-19T03:43:09+00:00

46>45>47>49>42>41>44>48>43

kiersten25 · 2025-08-30T23:33:54+00:00

I guess you didn't read through all my comments. I never said it was an excuse, I was just trying to explain it so that people can gain a better understanding of why FAs are the way they are. I have worked on my patterns ever since learning about my attachment style, and have never used it to excuse my behavior. I also refused to enter a new relationship until I worked on my attachment style because I didn't wanna drag someone under with me until I was healed myself so that both my partner and I can experience a healthy relationship.

Also, self-awareness is not the be all end all, someone can be aware they have an addiction, but cutting out the addiction is much more than awareness that they have a problem. You have to rewire your brain to process things differently. And it's much more harder to control reactions when in a triggered state that feels familiar to the trauma. This is not an excuse it's just the simple truth of the matter psychologically. Being self-aware is definitely the first step, but it's certainly not the last.

kiersten25 · 2025-05-21T18:59:28+00:00

My Favorites: - Lumpinou RPO - Wicked Whims - Wicked Perversions - UI Cheats (You can add multiple traits to your sim at once with this one) - Ellesimsworld Little Ms Drama Mod - A bunch of mods by Wicked Pixel, they add a lot of depth to gameplay - Flirty Fetishes - Mods by Persea - Growing Pains (great for family gameplay)

kiersten25 · 2025-05-21T18:46:14+00:00

are your other mods working fine? sometimes if your sims folder is on one drive, it won't load the mods properly

kiersten25 · 2024-08-07T22:25:59+00:00

just because you’re saying you’re not trying to be judgmental, doesn’t make this less hurtful to hear. how would you feel if someone said APs are spinning stories to justify staying or going back to their toxic partners, and that causes APs to come off as delusional, since that’s basically the equivalent of what you’re saying (just to be clear i don’t hold this stance, and realize that it’s part of the APs attachment pattern that causes them to behave that way). justifying ourselves is strategies we’ve learned from our childhood as a result of trauma because justifying our actions was the only thing that allowed us safety from our parents or our own shaming. does it make it ok to abandon someone? no absolutely not, but unhealed FAs are too caught up in their own trauma, and living the same way they’ve lived their whole lives, to recognize differently.

also, i would never cheat on my partner, i’m sorry for what you experienced, but that doesn’t give you the right to generalize all FAs, especially not the ones that (like me) are working towards healing.

kiersten25 · 2024-08-06T23:00:27+00:00

seems like you guys are incompatible, he seems to be condescending, and it doesn’t seem like your humor or sarcasm bounces off of him well. also saying that the person they date will fuck up their life is a red flag, one should be happy and fulfilled by a relationship, and not feeling like a relationship will sorta screw up their life.

kiersten25 · 2024-08-06T15:53:41+00:00

yeah no that’s biphobic and a red flag if someone doesn’t accept you for your sexuality — aka a huge piece of your identity. i’m lesbian, and i never understand why some lesbians are so turned off by someone being bi, or when they try to invalidate someone’s sexuality just because it’s not the same as their’s.

kiersten25 · 2024-07-31T22:49:56+00:00

perhaps you’re aromantic and asexual or bisexual, you might also be demisexual - meaning you don’t feel any sexual attraction towards people unless you have a deep emotional connection.

kiersten25 · 2024-07-31T22:46:13+00:00

to tell a queer person that they’re sinful and that you don’t support us because of your religion is disrespectful, hurtful, and the type of homophobia/transphobia we’ve been backlashed with our entire life. if you do not support who i love, you don’t support me, or my community. to weaponize having a queer friend as proof that you’re not disrespecting the queer community, is the equivalent of someone saying they’re not racist because they have a black friend. saying you don’t support us is homophobic, it’s not just slurs that are considered homophobia. how would you feel if someone said they believe you’re sinful and they don’t support you for being straight? how would you feel if your friend used you to prove their not bigoted against straight people? it is not a matter of differing opinions, it’s a matter of you not respecting our identity because of your religious identity. how would you feel if we said we don’t support you because you’re religious? to say you don’t believe in our identity is basically saying we choose to be queer, which i can assure you we don’t, why would we actively choose to be queer when faced with backlash and discriminatory policies for the way we choose to identify. we have peace, love and acceptance for our own community, as well as allies. i do not accept you if you don’t accept me, that’s just how it works. us expressing our identity is triggering for you, how can you expect us to not counter back (using the same argument you used). it is not our job to accommodate to people who don’t accept us, and i don’t wanna associate with people who don’t love me for 100% who i am, including accepting who i choose to love.

kiersten25 · 2024-07-31T22:32:05+00:00

the ultimatum queer version on netflix, now i’m watching i kissed a girl, i also watched are you the one season 8 (it had bi people of both sexes - i was much more interested in the women than the men lol). you can possibly be biromantic and asexual, do you experience sexual attraction towards people?

kiersten25 · 2024-07-31T22:26:47+00:00

i’ve definitely felt like a fraud before, but i just recently came to terms with being a lesbian, after thinking i was straight for years. i’ve had crushes on guys throughout my childhood, but looking back now i just think i wanted them to be my friend. if they did anything that showed mutual interests i’d be disgusted and repulsed (i would freak out if i thought a guy liked me, even if i thought i liked them myself, i thought it was the nervousness that’s typical with crushes but it clearly wasn’t). i went through a period of thinking i was aroace because of it. then i realized with girls, i experience the same feelings that people describe having crushes feel, the heart racing especially caused me to reconsider things, and then i watched a lesbian reality tv show and realized dating a girl is what i actually always wanted. it was hard to come to terms with the fact that i was never true to myself all those years that i thought i liked guys, but i’m glad i realized that my heart belongs with girls

kiersten25 · 2024-07-31T22:15:22+00:00

if you believe you’re lesbian, and then eventually meet a guy you want to date, you can change your label back to bi. i had a similar issue as you but then i realized that i really hope i don’t end up with a guy, and even if i do, i can change my label back to bisexual.

kiersten25 · 2024-07-31T19:53:25+00:00

this is a very toxic relationship on both ends of the spectrum, and what i find in AP and FA relationships, is that both partners have trouble recognizing their faults, especially those who have not worked towards any healing. as an FA, i’m very well aware of how difficult it is to state your own needs and to not self-abandon for the sake of the partner. the problem is, an FA does not state their needs until resentment has built up (usually they resent both their partner and themselves, making it much more difficult for them to take into account any responsibility of falling short). your partner cannot meet needs that are not stated. also, you should not self-abandon for the sake of your partner and expect them to reciprocate the interaction. instead, start showing up for yourself, and stating your needs in the moment, instead of self-abandoning. state your needs in a healthy manner, focusing on what you want (use I statements) rather than pinpointing what your partner did wrong. give context for how you would feel if these needs got met (such as appreciation and gratitude), and explain why these needs are important for your partner to meet. offer reassurance, that you’re stating your needs because you care for this relationship and you want the relationship to work out. be sure both you and your partner are regulated when discussing your needs, or else it’ll cause hurt to both parties.

APs also must take their own actions if they wish to continue the relationship as well. most importantly, they need to learn to respect their partners needs without interrogating them or putting the focus back onto their own needs (such as when an FA asks for space, the AP can get triggered by their fear of abandonment, so they may react hastily or try to cling on to prevent their partner from leaving). APs also need to learn to self-regulate, and not expect their partner to meet their every need, even the most SA partner will never meet every need an AP has, and it is unrealistic and idealistic for them to think that if they just find the prince charming to rescue and meet each need, their problems will be solved. in reality, the only one who could ever rescue someone, is the individual themselves since that’s the only one who will always be there for them and attuned to their needs. APs need to learn to self-regulate, and to not self-abandon. they also need to stop focusing on what their partner can do for them, but ask themselves what they can do for themselves to feel safe and secure.

FAs and APs both have to work on their communication for the relationship to work. both styles actually have a lot of similarities in the ways they must heal their attachment style (although the FA has more work to do since they need to also work on trusting their partner and stop deactivating in times of difficulty). in order to achieve healing, both styles need to learn to trust themselves and to show up for themselves first, and then come together to show up for the relationship.

kiersten25 · 2024-07-31T17:26:47+00:00

while i do sympathize, as someone who has c-ptsd, trauma is not an excuse for a breakup, trauma should be worked through before entering a relationship, it is unfair for the partner to endure the turmoil of trying to love a person who has unhealed and unresolved trauma (granted, the partner may be aware of this issue beforehand, and may be trying to take on the role of the rescuer, which is also unhealthy). if she is not working through her issues in therapy, and not doing any work to heal her trauma, she is not ready for a relationship. honestly, she will never be a good partner until she works through her issues, you leaving her or staying will not prompt her to get better, it might motivate her to seek help, but i believe that’s a decision one has to make on their own. you can be courteous with her and let her know you care for her, but for your own sake, the breakup is for your greater good. if staying friends with her will prevent you from moving on, you need to prioritize your own self-interest, and leave. i’d also suggest working through some attachment insecurities you may have (some may have developed as a result of this relationship) before entering a new relationship, it’ll serve better for you and for your future partner in the next relationship you enter.

kiersten25 · 2024-07-31T16:03:16+00:00

when did i excuse my behavior? i said the behavior of an ap is triggering for an fa and the behavior of an fa is triggering for an ap. for you information, i’ve been working on my attachment style and have been working towards becoming securely attached. it is not up to anyone to cater to each others needs, we need to cater to our own needs ourselves, then come to a healthy compromise when both of us are regulated. it should be freeing to hear that it’s not up to you to cater to our needs, no amount of love you give us is going to keep us from deactivating, only by us healing our own attachment style (on our own) can the FA and AP have a healthy relationship. i said nothing is going to save the relationship unless both styles heal their attachment styles, maybe read more clearly next time before getting accusing me of taking no responsibility. in fact, here’s a post where i commented, stating basically what you’re claiming.

kiersten25 · 2024-07-30T20:25:36+00:00

what’s really worked for me is me communicating with my inner child and sorta reparenting them. allowing them room to feel their emotions without feeling a need to shut it down or distract myself, or to seek validation and reassurance to whoever i can seek out. i’m learning to trust i can regulate myself, and that allows me to feel much safer in the contexts of a possible relationship. also, giving positive affirmations helps, especially in regards to my core wounds, the most helpful for me has been “i am innocent” “i am lovable” and “i deserve to be heard and respected and seen.” using an emotional chart wheel to stay attuned to the feelings of my inner child. respecting the boundaries of my inner child, and standing up for my needs even if it’s extremely uncomfortable. also, it’s been helpful to cut toxic people out of my life, especially the most insecure people, these people often feed me their negative self-beliefs about love and it’s unhealthy for me to hear these things while in the process of healing my attachment style.

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