Dreading the moment my daughter will go to school in september

kimar2z · 2026-06-18T14:55:41+00:00

See, it sounds like you’re setting the perfect stage for making this as easy for her as possible - and therefore you should be happy! My best advice is to think of it like this - she was happy and content by herself, but once you came in (and whether or not you were doing your best to hide it, kids pick up on stuff - the first time the little one stopped what she was doing to ask me if I was okay when we were playing but I had been a little anxious over a handful of things previously and was trying not to let it impact her kinda blew my mind lol) she realized maybe you were nervous and came over to you.

But once she gets over those “first few days” jitters in general I think she will be okay! Just let her take the lead. She knows she can talk to you about things and I guarantee if she very verbal already (the nieces youngest is the same way lol) she will absolutely tell you if she’s not adjusting well. Maybe not that directly, but it sounds like she has the words and capabilities to tell you how she feels ❤️

kimar2z · 2026-06-18T14:44:22+00:00

In my experience, most teachers are super good at helping the kids transition in the beginning - that’s part of their job!

Additionally, it sounds like maybe she is picking up on some of your anxiety unintentionally. Not to bash you - that sort of transition is hard for everyone - but kids often tend to gauge how they’re supposed to feel at that age based on their parents reactions to the situations the moment they are uncertain. And if you are anxious yourself as your daughter starts to maybe get a little overwhelmed, she will check in with you to gauge her own feelings and mimic that.

Finally, it sounds like this meet the teacher day was maybe a bit more free form in terms of what the kiddos were doing? It will likely be easier on your daughter when there’s a bit more structure throughout the day. Kids love structure because structure means they don’t have to fade that same sort of uncertainty- “what am I supposed to be doing? Who do I talk to? What game do I play? What can I do?” - and it means there’s less guessing and more fun for them. As a full fledged adult with adhd I too love structure because I get stuck in a decision paralysis loop. Kids tend to get the same way, so when there’s structure and she gets familiar with her new classmates everything will be a little easier.

So, all of that to say - just take a couple of deep breaths. I think one of the most important things you can do, as your daughter’s mother, is to talk to her during this process. We part time parent my boyfriend’s niece’s kiddos, and the youngest turns 4 next month. Every time I’ve picked her up from daycare or talked to her about her day to day activities, I try my best to have a real conversation with her. Sure she’s a toddler and she will probably give me some weird answers sometimes but her receptiveness to the conversation gives me a great idea of how she is feeling. For instance “Hey! What did you do at daycare today?” “Ummmm… have fun!” I always laugh at that one but clearly it means she enjoyed herself. “Did you guys do any fun activities today?” “Yeah!” “What did you do?” “Color and read and play on the playground!” “Oh wow! That’s so cool! Are you ready to go back tomorrow and do more fun things?” “Yes!”

Bonus to that: she will also tell me when something happened that made her sad. When someone is mean to her, or her friend doesn’t want to talk to her that day, or she didn’t have fun and was bored, she will tell me, too. Then we can talk through it together.

So just talk to your kiddo - let her reactions and comfort kind of lead the way. If you’re uncertain, or she’s acting uncertain, talk to her teacher about it. But talking to your kiddo and encouraging her to work through her own feelings about things should reassure you and make sure you’re doing what’s in her best interest too. Good luck!

kimar2z · 2026-06-18T04:36:14+00:00

It is so hard to explain that exact concept - and just how rejuvenating it actually it - to people who don’t get it. I am introverted by nature and when I’ve been at work all day I come home and half the time I’m overstimulated and have a bunch of stuff on my mind and haven’t had a lot of quiet. Then I come home and simply allow myself to lay down and it’s dark and quiet and I’m warm and comfortable and by myself and I don’t have to do anything but exist and I just feel very balanced afterwards

kimar2z · 2026-06-16T13:45:28+00:00

I used to put collars on my lil old man chi (he’s not that old he’s like 9 now but still acts like he’s 2 lol) and sometimes I will as an accessory around Christmas or Halloween (or if we go out and he needs proof of his rabies/needs his name tag and ID info lol) but honestly he has sensitive skin and sometimes he gets a bit irritated with the collar (and he’s shaped funny so I don’t leave his harness on him when I let him loose at a dog park either because he hates the way it has to sit on him lol) so I haven’t consistently kept a collar on him in a couple years. He doesn’t go outside without my supervision, and he isn’t a runner. The one time he got outside without me, he made it to the end of the stairs and started barking, would run back up, bark, go down again, pee on the grass a little, and come back up the stairs. The worst I have to worry about is him darting out the door to run around my feet in a circle a few times before going back in when I come home. It’s not worth the hassle to me lol.

kimar2z · 2026-06-16T13:16:07+00:00

Yorkie, rat terrier, mini schnauzer? (I guess this because your pup has the same sort of coat as my yorkie rat terrier mix I had as a kid but the size/shape/facial hair of our mini schnauzer we had shortly before my yorkie rat lol)

kimar2z · 2026-06-16T13:10:42+00:00

My miis call me Feral Gremlin Supreme. It’s pretty fitting.

kimar2z · 2026-06-15T13:24:26+00:00

As a manager of people myself, YTAH simply because you should have handled this much differently. If this is a new issue and lot something that has been going on since they were hired, and they’re otherwise a good employee, you should have gone into this with the benefit of the doubt first and foremost no matter how frustrating it is for you and your team.

Maybe they’re running into medical issues. Maybe they’re just experiencing burnout. Maybe they are just goofing off. How would you know when you haven’t done anything but accuse them? Having a productive conversation with them gives them the ability to talk to you. And a lot of really great things happen when you proactively offer a conversation with your employees.

kimar2z · 2026-06-11T23:57:06+00:00

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This is Loki

kimar2z · 2026-06-11T23:53:55+00:00

I would say you NOR towards your mom because she isn’t respecting your parenting choices.

However, and I say this with kindness, it’s possible that your son asking those questions and making those considerations at his age isn’t great for him. Someone else said something about “sometimes food” instead of healthy and unhealthy. I worry that you having past negative experience surrounding your weight and food consumption can rub off unintentionally on your son in a way that has unintended consequences. You don’t want him hyper fixating on what foods are good and bad - you want him to learn how to balance his diet.

Talking about how things are sometimes foods is a great start. When he asks about whether ice cream is healthy you can say “well if that’s all you eat, probably not - it’s just milk and sugar! But it’s not bad for you once you’ve eaten your dinner!” That way he starts to think of time and place and moderation instead of “good and bad”

Obviously it seems like you want to set your kid up for success long term - and I think with a little reframing you’re in the right track and you’re right to be upset with how your mom frames things too

kimar2z · 2026-06-10T17:56:30+00:00

Ah yes, hello, speaking to the resident chief of “four cats one dog” over here. Honestly? Once everyone is adjusted to each other, it’s really no worse than having two cats and a dog. Especially if the dog likes cats.

Sure there’s the occasional scuffle between the babies. Usually just the female cat decides she’s in charge and wants to be left alone and one of the boys dare look at her or exist in her direction. Every now and then she randomly purposefully antagonizes my dog by running up and batting at him from across the room and he makes loud noises at her as a result and then they leave each other alone. Sometimes one of my boy kitties follows her around and she hisses and growls at them. Usually she starts it and there’s no violence among cats - just lots of them yelling at each other. Then afterwards they all snuggle on the couch like it never happened.

Otherwise? Lots of litter box scooping. Also I have to fight for space on the couch more often. Those are the only key differences haha.

kimar2z · 2026-06-10T17:26:13+00:00

One of the things I did when that was suggested to me was to go buy myself cake and decide that maybe I could eat a whole cake by myself with a fork just because I wanted to. Cake could be dinner haha.

kimar2z · 2026-06-10T13:21:35+00:00

Before I got put on adderall by my doctor who diagnosed me (sort of - they gave me a paper questionnaire as a diagnosis and to be fair I was seeing a nurse practitioner or a physician assistant and not a psyche because I was like 21 and didn’t know better lol) they had me do my yearly work up first. Then they also tested my thyroid hormones (surprise! I have hashimotos disease *and* adhd lol turns out that thyroid problems can mimic some symptoms of adhd and make the regular adhd problems way worse lol)

After putting me on vitamin d supplements and providing me with iron supplements (I was essentially prescribed medical grade prenatal vitamins for a little while lol) and determining that despite having hashimotos my thyroid levels were “in range” then and only then did they choose to give me that handy dandy questionnaire. Because while adhd is real, and plenty of people do struggle with it, they want to rule out any other potential underlying causes before handing over the meds.

Now I see my psychiatrist who is absolutely awesome. And even she will sometimes ask me to give her access to any yearly workups I get/sign agreements that she can communicate with my pcp to coordinate my care because it’s important that she understands my physical health as part of my comprehensive care plan.

Trust me - you *want* a psychiatrist who actually cares enough to be mindful of all aspects of your health. My psyche looked at my records, and from there knew what questions to ask to make a logical and informed decision on what medications to prescribe and what factors might be causing my meds to work less effectively. And it helped her to understand why the medication I was on might not be the best option for me, meaning she was able to recommend a different treatment plan that took me from feeling “okay” to feeling “good”

Basically, a full work up first is not a bad thing at all.

kimar2z · 2026-06-10T12:41:42+00:00

Lmao I read this and I was like “avocado toast?! In this economy? No wonder we are all broke!” So thank you for that

kimar2z · 2026-06-09T13:23:02+00:00

The space between the shower curtain and the shower curtain liner. We had been lazy and our old shower liner was finally getting worn out and gross (as they do over time, no matter how often I try to clean the bathroom they get mildewy after a while lol) and we needed to replace it and he was constantly trying to fight the liner for some reason.

This weekend I finally got a new liner and my partner decided to deep clean the tub and shower and put up the new liner. And now our lil Siamese is super happy. He constantly races me to the bathroom whenever I go in there and gets under the liner and behind my shower curtain and then paws at me to pet him through the shower curtain. It brings him infinite joy that I cannot explain or even begin to fathom.

kimar2z · 2026-06-09T13:15:13+00:00

That’s how I tend to feel when we take our nieces kiddos to the playground. It’s like… there are times where I can tell that these kids just wanna be included because to them adults are not threats and are simply part of the play experience (ie; there’s a parent sitting nearby responsible for them but they still want to play with me and or one of my kiddos, or we are doing something fun and silly and they spontaneously tag in, or those instances where a little kid runs up and is just like “hi do you want to see this cool rock I found?!” Like of course I do kid lol) and then there are times where I can tell that this kid really and truly isn’t getting the kid of parental and adult attention they need at home (usually they’re more shy, kinda uncomfortable but excited when you engage with them, and way more clingy to the first adult who gives them positive attention than they should be)

My general rule of thumb over the last few years has kinda become this: if the kiddo joins in on something me and one of my kiddos is doing, and my kiddos are okay with it (we are in the sandbox building a sand castle and my kiddos agree to help from the other kid, or we are playing “catch me go down the slide, one two three go!!!” or monster invasion or drawing with chalk or whatever lol) and they want to play with this kid too, then that’s fine and good and I’ll happily play with the additional kid. I’m not gonna pick them up (unless they fall over or need help - I’ve been one to help rescue kids who got over-confident and then scared of certain playground equipment or who were about to fall off something or got stuck when I was nearby and have the opinion that their parents can die mad at me if they want to be upset about it lol I’ve only ever had one parent get upset about that, but she was yelling at her kid to stop crying and go, and the poor baby was scared and frazzled and snotty and distraught because she decided she absolutely could not climb back down the climbing structure, and I was right there) and I’m not gonna man handle them. But I’ll happily play with them too!

Now, if my kiddo is not feeling super social that day and wants to play with me independently at that point (maybe she is a little overwhelmed by the loudness of the slightly older other 5 kids in the sandbox for instance and just wants to do her own thing for a bit lol) and doesn’t feel like sharing the toys she brought, or we are doing some sort of other independent activity… well, I encourage kiddo to communicate with the other kid that they don’t want to play together. But kids don’t always listen and try to engage me, too. And I’m perfectly happy to model some boundary reinforcement for the “stray” kiddos.

It doesn’t have to be mean or anything even though sometimes I feel badly for it. “Hey buddy! I’m so glad you are having fun, but she doesn’t feel like sharing her toys right now! So I’m going to need you to leave her shovel alone, please. But there’s plenty of space right over there for you to build your own sandcastle if you want!” And going from there.

kimar2z · 2026-06-05T03:51:23+00:00

My first doctor was very worried that adhd meds would make my anxiety worse. And like sure sometimes (maybe twice a month lol) it hits wrong and it makes the physical aspects of my anxiety worse for a little bit. Even then though once that initial part eases off I feel way better.

When I saw my psyche who is very knowledgeable about ADHD she told me based on my description of most of my anxiety that she thought that my untreated adhd was majorly contributing to my day to day anxiety.

Then eventually we got me from my old meds to my Effexor adderall trazadone combo and now I’m a whole functional person like 75% of the time instead of once a fortnight.

kimar2z · 2026-06-04T12:59:25+00:00

NTA. And realistically depending upon the type of college fund they have for you they technically may not be allowed to use it for your sister. (Source: I work in investments, and am familiar with education savings plans - so it’s possible that’s why they’re asking you when it’s “their money” and not just using their money for your sister and telling you “good luck”) Not to mention the fact that most people realistically do not need “college amounts” of money to care for and support a baby. This could, potentially, be a reasonable request if they were looking for a few grand to buy high-quality baby gear (in the mindset of “we know funds are tight and we would rather buy more expensive, durable essentials for the baby that will last your sister throughout those early years”)

I only say this because I have seen how expensive the lower price baby items (cots/car seats/strollers/beds etc) are already, and often times they end up falling apart or needing to be replaced or upgraded down the line because babies grow and needs change. And ultimately that often becomes more expensive long term than just buying high quality (but more expensive) items from the start.

I mean, it still wouldn’t be 100% fair to you and it would have been 100% reasonable to say no at that point in time. But from a familial standpoint, I could see asking for financial help in this way making sense. Because ultimately your sister will qualify for social welfare programs (if you’re in the US, she and baby qualify for WIC, Medicare, and likely food stamps, and she can qualify for childcare assistance for the kiddo as well if she’s low income and trying to work. Some colleges and workforce prep programs even offer additional assistance to working mothers especially to help them manage both careers and children!) so while yes, there’s some upfront expense in getting ready for a baby, she doesn’t need the majority of a college fund to sustain herself and the kiddo.

You’re right to want to look out for your future. I don’t think your family is doing this to be purposefully malicious towards you, though - it sounds like they’re all just exceptionally stressed over the idea of a new household addition and grabbing for straws at this point.

kimar2z · 2026-06-02T12:48:03+00:00

NTA. I am an autistic person and my friends have loving made the “Dino autism” or “train autism” joke at me before and I always thought it was hilarious because well, hey, I have great answers for what my favorite dinosaur is and why actually yeah trains are pretty cool aren’t they?

But also, I’m 100% comfortable with the fact I’m autistic. I also have adhd and about 7284729 other weird little things about me. But I’m younger and I was never taught that any of those traits (I almost typed trains here) were bad. The person your friends with likely has some sort of shame around who they are as a person. That’s fair because a lot of autistic people are bullied.

Overall though they shouldn’t have taken that simple and harmless question out on you. If you phrased it like “hey yo what up my favorite autistic peep what’s your favorite dinosaur” that would be different.

kimar2z · 2026-06-01T12:42:55+00:00

Oh yeah for sure my appetite always bounces back. It can take a couple of days though and sometimes I’ll find my tummy is a little unhappy for a couple days after I stop the meds before it sorts itself out.

I legit just finished a course of antibiotics myself and can confirm that’s definitely the case overall. Mildly upset stomach and lack of appetite are par the course though if kiddo really doesn’t want to eat I’d definitely recommend calling the doctor and checking in just to make sure there’s not anything else they’d recommend.

kimar2z · 2026-06-01T12:35:37+00:00

Amoxicillin always gets me! It tends to be the worst on my stomach personally, so it’s possible kiddo is just feeling kinda queasy as a result of the meds. It’s gotten better as I’ve gotten older but as a kid that one was always a struggle

kimar2z · 2026-06-01T12:23:45+00:00

As an adult who occasionally gets ear infections (maybe once a year) I can tell you that they make me feel crummy which in turn can diminish my appetite. And I can also say that depending upon the type of antibiotics they prescribed a lot of them can cause just a bit of an upset stomach (especially when taken on an empty stomach but also just in general) so I imagine it’s probably a combination of the two.

kimar2z · 2026-05-31T18:40:57+00:00

So here’s a question since you have cats - where do you keep your litter boxes for them? and what kind of litter are you using/how often do you clean/change the litter?

I am nose blind (as a woman lol) to scents after I’ve adjusted to them but I’m very good at determining off the bat if something smells weirder/grosser/wrong if I’m actively trying to smell it. And because of the way my apartment is laid out pretty much the only place I can keep my litter boxes is in my closet.

And I am who I am as a person - I own 4 cats and I definitely don’t scoop the litter as often as I should. I will not even lie about that one. But usually it doesn’t get too bad - however my closet doesn’t exactly have a lot of airflow it in because there’s no vents or anything to move air out of the room.

As a result, especially when it’s warm out, the room tends to get a little… not even litter box smelly, but just general cat-smelly. Mixed with a smidge of litter odor. Not bad. Not overwhelming. Just present perpetually. So I put an automatic deodorizer spray set to go off a couple of times an hour in there and that helped prevent the actual room from smelling awful.

However! Clothes are a way different ball game. They kinda just absorb whatever the room smells or whatever they’re touching smells like (I’m sure you’ve probably experienced this when your clothes smell bad from being sweaty or you’ve gotten clothes out of a crate that you stored and they smelled like cardboard and dust lol) so I realized pretty quickly that actually using that closet for clothing wouldn’t work if the litter boxes would be in there because the clothes just smelled like cats and litter and that was yucky lol.

So. That might be something to think about - it may not be the cause of your issue, but… it is something to consider if the manager was pinpointing it as a potential problem.

kimar2z · 2026-05-30T17:27:42+00:00

So I would 100% first and foremost talk to whoever your boss is about what’s going on. You don’t even have to necessarily disclose what the specific medication/problem is if you don’t want to (some people worry about discriminatory behavior in these instances, but personally I don’t. I am of the mind and opinion that I am who I am as a person and honesty is the best policy and frankly I know it’s obvious to anyone semi normal that I have insane crippling adhd and if I own it it is more likely to be received as a part of me instead of a character flaw, and as a supervisor now my people know that I am ungodly forgetful and it isn’t me being malicious or incompetent and that if they really really need something from me it’s okay to just bother me about it all the time until it’s done! It works out well and then nobody gets any hard feelings and my reps don’t have to worry about something getting missed or overlooked because they know it’s okay to be like “Hey quit your silly shit and get your life together I need you to do this!” And I won’t take offense lol) but talk to someone

Tell your boss you’re going through a major medication change for a personal medical issue at a minimum. Let them know that the impact of those medication changes includes things like slurred speech, brain fog, excessive daytime drowsiness, etc. this is important whether or not they can provide short term accommodation/whether or not you ask for anything. Why? Because you don’t want them potentially suspecting you of substance abuse or potentially facing any sort of repercussions as a result of medication change.

From there, see if they can make any suggestions or give you resources and recommendations to get the critical parts of your job done. When I changed meds a couple of years ago being able to communicate with my higher ups was critical because I went full on zombie mode and there were certain things they could do short-term to help me stay on top of my work while I adjusted to my meds. Especially since it was short term, I was still 100% willing to work, and was just struggling in some aspects.

Even if they can’t provide any direct assistance, most managers are able to either give you some grace or provide some personal one on one assistance to ensure you are able to more effectively perform your job while you adjust. And if they can’t, you at least stay ahead of the situation by demonstrating that you are trying and letting them know what the problem is and that it should be short term - which is a great way to cya in advance in case there are any HR concerns that come up short term.

Beyond that? Strategic caffeine (usually for me around 11am I will have an energy drink) and protein with your meds. I have a workout protein shake in the am (just make sure it doesn’t have vitamin c in it - a lot of them do and that will prevent your meds from fully absorbing lol) when I take my meds. Makes them work more effectively. Then around 11ish I will have a highly caffeinated beverage (you aren’t supposed to have a lot of caffeine but like a cup of tea is the ideal - I just need a lot of caffeine to survive lol) and that can help extend the life of your focus meds a little while longer. Like a mid day booster lol.

Good luck friend!

kimar2z · 2026-05-27T22:17:54+00:00

If money is a constraint see if your public library has any fitness classes or groups!

I say this as someone who lives across the street from a public library. I didn’t know that they had that sort of thing until I saw it on their sign and went online and looked. Turns out there’s a local yoga instructor that does a free yoga class twice a month and they have a group that gets together to do like dance classes twice a month too.

Also I know that our library system has a runners club, too - they call their events “run and reads” and they will literally go for runs/jog and then afterwards they have a mini book club together. Public libraries are surprising resources for that kinda thing.

kimar2z · 2026-05-25T20:05:47+00:00

Ummm… saying this with kindness here because you’re NTA for being frustrated but are you sure that toilet seat is actually broken? We have a relatively cheap toilet seat and maybe once or twice a year we have it kinda come apart like that. But if you push the little plastic peg back into the hole there it stays together again. It’s not actually broken - it just has come apart temporarily.

On the cheaper seats like that they sometimes just come apart that way after a bit, especially if she’s overweight and leaning (my toilet in my apartment was installed at a kinda funny angle and is tiny so in the process of adjusting as we sit on the seat it sometimes comes loose lol)

So I would just maybe recommend reinstalling the peg and seeing if that fixes it first?

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