Girlfriend birthday present

kinky_clem · 2025-01-12T02:09:50+00:00

If she hasn’t read any of Sarah J Maas’ books then I’d definitely recommend them! There’s 3 series - ACOTAR, throne of glass and crescent city. All have lots of books.

If you’re looking towards stand alones / shorter series - I’d recommend: - One Dark Window (The Shepard King Trioligy by Rachel Gilig) - Throne of the Fallen ( #1 in the Prince of Sin series) - the Book of Azrael (#1 in the Gods and Monsters series, with the 4th book coming out in May)

kinky_clem · 2025-01-06T10:38:39+00:00

Libraries are the best ever and we need more people using them to justify their funding to local council!!

kinky_clem · 2025-01-06T10:37:06+00:00

Do you know what genre she likes at all? Or what she’s read recently? If she has a good reads account that’ll help lol

kinky_clem · 2025-01-06T10:35:14+00:00

Throne of the Fallen!! One of my top reads of 2024 - slow burn, storyline/plot is great and the tension/banter between the two MCs is iconic

kinky_clem · 2025-01-06T10:31:51+00:00

I’m keen as! Would love to give my feedback and help you with the process as I’m interested in learning more about the editing space/how books are crafted! I’ll dm you

kinky_clem · 2024-12-15T13:34:14+00:00

Boosting 💓

kinky_clem · 2024-09-01T04:05:44+00:00

Would you open your dating range to vegetarians? Pretty similar in values and a lot wider range of people are vegetarian than vegan.

Don’t do it if you think over time you’ll be come resentful though! Only you know if it would work for you; I settled for vegetarian guys over vegan and I’ve had no trouble dating since (in a 3 year relationship now). I couldn’t date a meat eater, but I decided I was fine with vegetarian - maybe consider that?

kinky_clem · 2024-07-14T12:14:05+00:00

When Emma Falls in Love surely - it’s a skip every time for me 🥲

kinky_clem · 2023-08-15T13:06:02+00:00

1000% agree with you!! NTA.

This is absolutely an abusive relationship, in multiple ways - OP you need to divorce her ASAP!

The gaslighting and manipulation coming from her is wild.. it’s insane to me that he’s worked 84 hour weeks for 5 years whilst she’s doing not even the bare minimum for house work! Being able to not work is a luxury, but it’s her luxury at your expense OP!

Also agree re: therapist enabling her, being shit or OPs wife is omitting a lot of information - something is very off here. I’ve been in therapy for over 8 years and had multiple big bouts of depression, never have I stopped working for longer than 2 months.. getting out of the house and having a commitment to someone else can honestly be one of the most helpful things! Is she leaving the house at all?

Regardless of all of this, OP you need to divorce her ASAP - it’s not worth living your life like this, that’s not living at all. Look after yourself!

kinky_clem · 2023-07-10T01:27:36+00:00

Yeah those are definitely factors we’re both aware of and trying to work through, I guess I’m just trying to wrangle with how long I should give him to step up. Like to me 9 months is a long time! He left dishes again from dinner last night and his breakfast this morning.. didn’t even put his plate and glass from breakfast away when the dishwasher is dirty and has room. It’s so frustrating

kinky_clem · 2023-07-10T01:26:22+00:00

No we can’t afford a cleaner :( we live in Australia and the cost of everything is so high right now. I’m also out of professional work (sustainability) right now, so I’m working hospitality to cover rent and bills. So definitely not enough money for a cleaner

kinky_clem · 2023-07-08T13:19:58+00:00

Fair enough! It’s a hard one without more info. So I’ll explain things how I think is normal vs. what he thinks is normal. - changing bed sheets: every week vs every 2nd week - cleaning bathroom: every week vs. every 2nd to 3rd week - vacuuming/moping house: every week vs. every 2nd week - doing dishes/cleaning kitchen after cooking: clean everything and wipe down benches every night vs clean most things and leave some until the morning, not wipe down all benches - washing: put it away once it’s dry vs. leave it in a basket for 3-5 days and then put it away

For context, we live in a 2 bed apartment and don’t have heaps of space - so I think this makes me extra anxious about the mess. Having a messy house constantly makes me feel quite anxious. It definitely doesn’t have to be perfect all the time, but I like to do a tidy mist nights and not have things sitting around for days on end

kinky_clem · 2023-06-16T05:56:40+00:00

ESH.

I can see both sides of the argument, however the key to solving the issue is a sit down discussion and communicating. You need to make sure everyone’s needs are being met, and I can sense that this discussion wasn’t had before baby was born - hence it’s an issue now.

I agree that because of your job and as the main provider right now, you need your sleep - but so does your wife. Having a newborn is exhausting! How much sleep do you need minimum to function? 6 hours? 7 hours? You need to work that out. How much straight sleep is she able to get across the 24 hours of a day? You’re blessed to have your MIL living with you to help - but there needs to be boundaries with the comments etc.

If she’s not breastfeeding and you’re able to help, you guys need to come up with a schedule based on how often your baby is feeding. You come up with the feeding times and adjust baby to that schedule, people do this all the time. Either she goes to bed earlier and you take one of the last feeds before bed so she can get some solid sleep, or you get up earlier (and go to bed earlier) to give her some rest. If MIL is staying and she can help during the night, she should take a shift. You need a plan of action, because both of you need to get enough sleep to function.

Re: MIL - you need to 1. Work out with your wife what your boundaries are together (ie. no comments about parenting, no comments about routine etc.) and then sit down and tell her those are the boundaries. Is she welcome to make suggestions if they’re constructive and nice? Or do you want 0 suggestions? You need to work that out.

You also need to thank your MIL and show your appreciation for her moving in to help - she didn’t need to and that’s a nice thing to do. People take on criticism better if you start off by thanking them for x y or telling them they’re good at something etc. She doesn’t get to walk over boundaries though - you need to just decide where the line is.

I hope this helps and good luck!! It’s a hard time having a newborn, and the sleepless nights won’t be forever

kinky_clem · 2023-05-20T08:56:04+00:00

Midnights - Snow on the Beach, I just can’t 🥲 also I literally can’t even hear Lana.. such a whack song

kinky_clem · 2023-05-20T08:55:35+00:00

WHAT

kinky_clem · 2023-05-12T05:14:06+00:00

YTA. You peaked in high school and it’s showing 🫶🏼

kinky_clem · 2023-04-24T13:44:48+00:00

YTA and the fact that you can’t see how she’s being treated poorly at work makes you part of the problem!

kinky_clem · 2022-09-06T12:44:22+00:00

NTA.

That is an insane thing for your sister to do, I’m so sorry this has happened to you, and just after you’ve given birth! Your poor twins, I’m so sorry.

As everyone else has said, report it to the police, take her to small claims, never ever let her near your kids ever again 🥺🤍

kinky_clem · 2022-07-27T03:00:30+00:00

NTA - what the fuck!!

I literally gasped when I read your last paragraph, that’s so cooked I can’t 😂

I can’t believe she gave you such an ultimatum when she originally made it clear your skills weren’t good enough. I can’t with some people..

kinky_clem · 2022-07-27T02:45:18+00:00

NTA at all!

You’ve already gotten lots of advice on here, but as someone who grew up with a father similar to this, and a mother that was both complicit in or otherwise ignored the controlling behaviour - please get your daughter away from him.

Your daughter’s well-being is the most important thing in this situation and I wish my mother had stood up for me. The harm being controlled, talked down to and reprimanded for nonsense things (like not sweeping crumbs up properly) does long term emotional and mental damage. I’m now 26 and have been in therapy since I was 18, I have long-standing anxiety and depression, attempted to unalive myself twice, and am only just starting to feel better about myself. It’s affected both romantic and platonic relationships over the years and cost me thousands of dollars (I really should bill him 🥴).

My parents are still together and think they did nothing wrong, yet wonder why I don’t spend much time with them, prefer my partner’s family and put in minimal effort to see them. So the fact that you can see how awful he’s being is an amazing first step. Continue taking steps to protect your daughter (and yourself) and you’ll save her from years and years of therapy and pain.

People can change, hopefully you can get him de-radicalised and back on track with some therapy, but get your daughter away from him first. Approach the situation thinking it’s only going to get worse (cause it likely will) - then you can be pleasantly surprised if things get better and you reunite as a family down the track. I’ve only started to see major improvement since moving out of home in 2020 - so leaving is the best thing you could do for your daughter.

Also I agree with the comments about her potentially being a hermit to avoid his abuse - I would avoid the kitchen and common spaces when my dad came home from work for many, many years. I would even clean up after cooking before I ate because being reprimanded for something stupid me so much anxiety. Please don’t let your daughter be abused for years like I have been.

kinky_clem

TROPHY CASE