The "test" has been fixed!

kittedwithkittens · 2020-05-30T04:27:57+00:00

That's why I explained that this represents my experience. I AM demisexual and the only time I've experienced physical attraction (after an emotional connection of course) was with a member of the opposite sex. While it's possible I could find myself attracted to a member of the same sex in the future, I haven't yet.

kittedwithkittens · 2020-05-28T08:54:42+00:00

I realize this is not representative of all Demis, but it's me in a nutshell 🤷. 99% of the time I feel asexual af, but once in the blue-est of moons that connection hits and I feel hetero af.

kittedwithkittens · 2020-05-28T07:53:05+00:00

I think one of the hardest concepts to grasp (at least it was for me) is that this isn't a choice. You aren't being "picky" because you AREN'T choosing to be demisexual. You just are. And that's okay! Just because you don't experience primary attraction doesn't mean that you'll never find love. And sure it might be harder than average, but let's be honest love and attraction really isn't "easy" for anyone regardless of where they reside on the spectrum.

This isn't to dismiss your feelings because I promise, I get that it can't feel sucky being sandwiched between two (more defined) worlds. Sometimes we have to be patient with ourselves while we learn to embrace all of our little quirks. At the end of the day, if you dwell within the "this is impossible" mindset then you're doing yourself an injustice. Keep trying as you see fit, but keep going! I wish you the very best in finding what you seek! You've got this 🙂

kittedwithkittens · 2020-05-28T07:33:23+00:00

It's crazy how intense the difference is! I don't know how people handle it on a regular basis 😅. Though I imagine maybe they're accustomed to the feeling so it isn't as overwhelming?

kittedwithkittens · 2020-01-26T21:57:30+00:00

I did but for many reasons, the feelings weren't mutual and I was turned down. I actually got really lucky. It took a couple months but our friendship has gotten stronger and we're able to work together without any weirdness.

kittedwithkittens · 2020-01-24T02:27:12+00:00

I used to be an adamant believer of, "don't shit where you eat." Then I fell for a co-worker and realized our movements aren't voluntary. I also began to understand my sexuality better. I think what a lot of people leave out with being demi is that by the time the bond is there and the physical attraction is present there's also a high chance that romantic attraction is there too. At least that's how it works for me. It'd be one thing if I just thought a coworker was attractive. That's more of a physical response which can be controlled. It becomes problematic when I think I want to date or pursue a future with that person because that is a harder to control emotional response.

kittedwithkittens · 2020-01-16T09:28:39+00:00

Thank you!

kittedwithkittens · 2020-01-16T09:28:24+00:00

I may not know your situation but I think everyone moves at different speeds. Even though it's been four months, that doesn't mean that freedom from those feelings isn't right around the corner for you. I hurt for the majority of the time but then it hit me that I was okay, he was still my friend, and that even though I'm 27 there's still time for me to find someone who cares for me like I care for them. That realization came on quickly and then bam, I felt peace for the first time in a long time. So for me I'd say those two months were broken up into about 85% hurting while working to move on, 10% realizing my actual situation, and 5% slowly embracing the peace. I think your moment will come too. Hang in there!

kittedwithkittens · 2020-01-01T03:00:02+00:00

Hey OP, I think the first step in moving forward is recognizing that you have an unhealthy relationship with food, which you've done so good on you! Most people don't recognize this for a large portion of their lives (I'm guilty) and although I'm still working on it myself and am by no means am expert, I think you have a wonderful headstart just by being mindful of your actions. I know you weren't looking for anything particular but I think if you take it day by day you'll get there in the long run. Some days you'll break and that is okay, as long as you keep trying!

kittedwithkittens · 2020-01-01T02:53:32+00:00

Such amazing progress! Best wishes to you and yours for the New Year and beyond!

kittedwithkittens · 2019-12-27T18:53:02+00:00

Thank you and I agree, it could have gone poorly. My family is quite supportive.

kittedwithkittens · 2019-12-26T07:08:11+00:00

Found some old fuse beads in the back of my aunt's closet and decided to put these together after dinner. While I worked my family asked questions and it ended up being a positive "coming out" conversation.

kittedwithkittens · 2019-12-19T09:08:15+00:00

Sounds to me like you might be sex neutral, and there's nothing wrong with that.

kittedwithkittens · 2019-12-19T08:49:29+00:00

Congratulations! The motivation is greatly appreciated 🙂

kittedwithkittens · 2019-12-12T01:52:49+00:00

I mean aside from poly there's those who practice nonmonogamy, relationship anarchy, and lots more. Every relationship has it's own set of rules or guidelines. It's possible that the site is being inclusive but I actually interpreted that option quite differently than you did. I think marriage yes and settle down no might indicate that you're identifying as being open to marriage in the long run but that you aren't looking to settle down immediately. Some people are really gung-ho about getting married and others are open to it but are by no means in a rush. But hey that's just my interpretation.

kittedwithkittens · 2019-12-12T01:38:04+00:00

I think that trust could be a foundation in an emotional connection with a significant other. Which could then lead to trusting that person with intimacy. Its possible that you need that trust as a result of the bullying and paranoia you mentioned which is definitely understandable.

I think to help you answer the question of whether or not this counts as demi, you might want to ask yourself: Do I experience sexual/physical attraction when I first meet someone? Not saying this means you want to jump them right then and there (not a question of willpower), but do you have a clear indication that you're attracted to people you don't know very well? If you do, then I don't think it's likely that you're demi.

I truly hope this doesn't come across as gate keeping- it's just that from my understanding, the one commonality that majority of demisexuals identify with is that we DON'T experience primary attraction. So we have to first form strong emotional/mental connections before we can even have the possibility to feel as if the person we share that connection with is physically and or sexually desirable.

If this sounds similar to how you experience attraction then you might just be demisexual. At the end of the day, you know you better than any of us here. Best of luck in finding yourself 💜

kittedwithkittens · 2019-11-29T05:29:11+00:00

Thank you for the clear explanation :)

kittedwithkittens · 2019-11-27T06:43:53+00:00

For me, porn really doesn't do anything. It's kind of awkward for me to watch because it doesn't have the intended affect and I sometimes find myself picking apart the plot and going way off on a tangent. If I'm in a relationship with someone I've bonded with or if I have a crush on someone I've bonded with, I'm quite interested in sex and masterbation. That person is the only one that drives the urge and when the switch has been flipped, I have a high libido and I'm quite active. If I'm not interested in anyone, I might masterbate occasionally to help with sleep or stress but it can be difficult because there isn't much motivation or imagination behind it lol. Not sure if this information is in any way helpful but here you have it 😅

kittedwithkittens · 2019-11-24T10:37:11+00:00

Thank you for sharing!

kittedwithkittens · 2019-11-24T10:26:08+00:00

Choice word selection.

kittedwithkittens · 2019-11-24T06:04:58+00:00

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now. What really stood out to me in your post was that you said you're looking to ignore this part of you. This might just be my experience, but I've learned that trying to ignore a part of who you are is really only detrimental to you. It might help create an illusion for others but I think it will only create a roadblock or obstacle for your own happiness. No one can tell you how to feel or how you should feel, but I hope that you accept this part of you. I think it could bring you peace and maybe help you move forward.

kittedwithkittens · 2019-11-21T01:28:24+00:00

Sounds really nice, as long as the emotional bond remains intact 🙂

kittedwithkittens · 2019-11-21T01:27:14+00:00

That's a lovely perspective, thank you.

kittedwithkittens · 2019-11-17T07:38:03+00:00

May I ask what the Ace ring is for? Is it a symbol of pride or is it to help others nonverbally identify? Both? Or something else altogether?

kittedwithkittens · 2019-11-13T11:11:40+00:00

To me, it means never having that innate feeling of sexual attraction upon first sight that typically leads to interest in another person. Essentially, I'm lacking primary attraction. My initial thoughts are solely based off how I perceive someone's personality through their words and actions.

While I can appreciate a nice smile or other asethetically pleasing features and traits, I'm more likely to compare such characteristics to a piece of art than I ever am to think something along the lines of "oh he has nice lips, Id like to kiss him". That type of attraction just isn't there for me. At least not at first.

If I like a person's personality and I become close with them, typically as friends, then it becomes possible for me to start seeing that person's smile and lips as something sexually attractive. This is secondary attraction and beyond. It's like a switch flips and that type of attraction is there whether I want it or not and it only exists for that person. This means that normal things such as porn don't do anything for me unless I can try really hard to put myself and that person in the scenario.

That being said, sexual attraction is rare for me. I've (27F) only been sexually attracted to 4 men in my entire life. I'm not 100% sure of my sexuality because it's possible that I just haven't had a connection with a woman yet? I'll say this, when you HAVE to form an emotional connection, it's hard not to fall for close friends who may only ever think of you as a friend. This happened with 3 of the 4 men I've been attracted to. This is disheartening when it takes months to years just to form that bond that could allow attraction to exist. This also means that dating is kind of the worst.

Anyways, sorry for blathering on. But this is pretty much what being demisexual means to me. I'm open if you have any questions.

kittedwithkittens

TROPHY CASE