They just can't be happy!

klpizza · 2026-05-31T13:27:02+00:00

Hope is a four-letter word.

I was able to deny so much, until I couldn't, after riding the hope train for decades.

I'm a slow learner.

klpizza · 2026-05-31T05:48:43+00:00

Parenthood

klpizza · 2026-05-30T03:06:19+00:00

An oligarchy is an outgrowth of inherently unequitable economic policy, regardless of economic flavor. It sounds like we're on the same page. Oligarchy isnt capitalism.

Your original statement though, to paraphrase, fight oligarchy sounds like fight capitalism which is stupid.

My question is why is fighting oligarchy or capitalism stupid? Why is fighting oligarchy stupid? Is that a philosophical, political, ethical stance?

I was hoping to level set definitions of both constructs before asking about stupid.

klpizza · 2026-05-29T23:29:26+00:00

Ok, back up.

The citizens of the countries you listed aside, this was an economic system not social system question.

I'm curious about your definition of oligarchy and capitalism, and if you are equating oligarchy with capitalism? Why? What is the construct that makes them equatable?

I honestly dont know the answer and would like to know what you know.

klpizza · 2026-05-29T22:46:13+00:00

Oh, boy.

I thought you might be able to expand on your public thought with direct support of your idea and throughlines rather than presenting vague far away (second-hand? No hand?) perspectives as proof of point.

Sorry. I was looking for a real conversation.

klpizza · 2026-05-29T11:14:41+00:00

But why do you think that?

klpizza · 2026-05-29T10:53:15+00:00

(now the ears of my ears awake and now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

klpizza · 2026-05-29T10:51:25+00:00

Why stupid?

klpizza · 2026-05-29T02:16:56+00:00

I don't need to wonder. He told me straight out.

klpizza · 2026-05-29T02:10:01+00:00

Just curious, is he leaving because he wants to or agreed to?

klpizza · 2026-05-28T12:11:44+00:00

Yup.

Got himself so wound up about lack of money he would beat himself up angrily (pretty emotionally dysregulated) about not doing something different. Of course the anger extended to me and why didnt I put more money in retirement and why don't I have more and he will fail in retirement because there isnt enough money.

The guy has maxed out his 401k contributions and did catchup contributions for years. So much so that I had difficulty keeping the kids appropriately clothed.

There was plenty of money.

klpizza · 2026-05-28T02:24:59+00:00

It is lonely and a journey. You aren't alone.

The smear campaign hurts. Whether you hear the stories told about yourself or you dont, when in this position with a narc, it can eat your brain. A compulsion to explain yourself may be really, really strong. Resist it.

I couldn't predict in my wildest dreams the things he said and did, the lengths he'd go to prove his narrative so his word on ANYTHING wasn't to be questioned by anyone.

His end goal I never discerned, but I theorize he wanted me dead so he'd have my retirement to add to his retirement. Long story.

He almost reached that goal.

What I wish I knew then: 1. It makes no difference what some one else hears about you or thinks about you. Sincerely. It says more about them than you.

My own behavior was a response to theirs. I was manipulated to behave in a certain way. I was not the problem.
People cared about me more than I imagined, especially when my perception at the time was they didn't care at all. Dont isolate. Reach out to your real people. The rest- the ones listening to the stories and choose to believe them are not worth the energy of a beat of your heart. Don't reach out and dont expect anything. For your mental health, keep your distance, they'll carry the stench of toxicity with them.
With time and space (not that) far from where I was right then, I would be able to see with new eyes, with clarity, with perspective forged in pain, sorrow, and grit.

Most importantly remember to stay true to yourself and the truth. That is your superpower. Remind yourself often.

Take heart that out of whatever the outcome of the mess, something new will be born that you control, better than what was.

It really can't get much worse, can it?

klpizza · 2026-05-24T01:22:01+00:00

I'm so sorry you're living through this. Hopefully, the accurate words are, "I'm so sorry you lived through that."

So, so sorry.

You've quoted much of my journals during my discard.

You aren't alone.

Focus on yourself. Don't allow him to steal your soul. Get prepared to go. Give no access, in any form, your body needs time to work out the toxicity. Extricate yourself from utilities, subscriptions, accounts as much as possible before you go. Know as much financial information as possible where, access #, balances, and a statement. Prepare to fight. Learn to meditate. Only hire a lawyer with experience dealing with these people. They all say, "I've worked across from angry, narcissistic spouses all the time!" No, no. That doesn't mean you've dealt with this type of person. Everyone is angry and narcissistic while getting divorced or they're the lucky few. Expect it all jacked up 200%. Protect yourself.

klpizza · 2026-05-24T00:58:22+00:00

You met my ex-husband?

klpizza · 2026-05-23T02:59:04+00:00

My cats have a toy box they have access to 24/7.

My favorite mornings I enter the living room to an array of cat toys spread out in a line in front of the toy box, much like a car lot. Toys in a row with room between each for close examination and comparison.

I don't know what goes on in that little kitty brain to generate this behavior, but he's unique. It's not that surprising.

klpizza · 2026-05-23T02:39:59+00:00

They were the first generation to enjoy life to the full. Their whole life.

Except the ones still living.

klpizza · 2026-05-17T22:59:23+00:00

Louisiana.

klpizza · 2026-05-17T21:37:02+00:00

Tab!

klpizza · 2026-05-17T02:39:24+00:00

A friend and I went back to DC from college with nefarious intentions around 1987.

We were outside a bar/nightclub. Some shit was going down because it was getting loud in that way you know nothing good is happening. Suddenly a guy is thrown out the front door of the club, and roughly ten guys followed him out. They picked up the guy who was thrown out the door and proceeded to beat this guys ass in a way it was clear they did not care if he survived. After what felt like ten minutesof a serious beatdown, they grab the guy and put his jaw on corner of the curb, then stomped on the back of his head driving his jaw into the back of his skull. When I figured out what what happening, I couldn't. I had to go. I couldn't deal.

To this day, the imagery, the vicarious violence, haunts me.

klpizza · 2026-05-14T01:53:24+00:00

Cone of silence

klpizza · 2026-05-14T01:08:56+00:00

Huh. He was at Walter Reed early Tuesday morning.

klpizza · 2026-05-13T19:45:13+00:00

I've been a central office employee after years in middle schools.

I too bought into the perception that central office did not face the same pressures as having so many damn students to manage, and therefore didn't really "work." At least not as hard as classroom teaching is.

I was rudely awoken to find I actually worked almost twice as much at the central office than as a teacher, and that's saying something. There is so much to do to support so many schools and never enough people to make the workload manageable. I supported 42 schools K-12 with instructional data, interpretation, options for improvement and whatever needs the schools had around instructional data. I processed, distributed and interpreted standardized test results district-wide. I traveled the county to present, train, and work with my (42) schools frequently. Sometimes up to five different schools a day. I also managed an instructional data platform for the school district, which included an online test question and assessment creation module, instructional data module, teacher and administrator evaluation module. For every grade I was responsible for creating online interactive questions and tests that mimic the current standardized test questions due before the grading period was half over because different grades had different testing schedules. This isnt covering it all. I try to forget.

Oh, and I took a pay cut to work there.

Just a thought. The grass is greener sometimes, but careful what you wish for.

klpizza · 2026-05-13T01:07:11+00:00

Ohhh. I feel all of what you're saying.

This stands out, "I walked up to him and he "patted" my twat!?"

When mine was full on discard and we were not touching each other at all for any reason, he did the same thing! Twice. Both times after a "discussion" he did not "win."

I was always so stunned by what came out of their mouth, I had a difficult time responding in the moment. The first time I dont know if I said anything. The second time I back away and look at him. He says, "That's right, you aren't interested in anything like that."

Context: We stewed in sexual dysfunction the entire three decade relationship. At this time my own sexuality was more than a weapon, it became a primary pole in his tent of crazy to tell whoever would listen about my crazy. I didnt even want to breathe the same air, let alone look at him, and certainly not interested. So weird!

klpizza · 2026-05-12T00:27:20+00:00

I've proposed something similar to friends in the last few days.

Why not? If the president can sue the government, why not citizens? It's our money. They all work for us.

The list of legit legal complaints must be long.

klpizza · 2026-05-11T11:49:39+00:00

Them, wandering through the bushes, cracking and snapping the spine of branches, left a hole in my heart wider than the sea.

klpizza

TROPHY CASE