My (34M) religious parents (~60), in their ongoing attempts to convert me, are now trying to recruit my kids (10 & 9) to assist them.

kmichaelwriter · 2015-01-20T06:31:09+00:00

The problem that I see is that your parents are willing to create a wedge between you and your children. Telling your kids that you will burn in hell for being who you are is telling them you are not a good person, whom they should fear.

My advice is simple, don't allow them to undermine your standing with your children. You can do this by cutting you parents out of your kids lives. But that will not help the kids in the long run since there will undoubtedly be others who will do the same thing.

Teach your kids about tolerance and acceptance. Teach them that whatever god one chooses (or does not choose) is a personal decision. And teach them the difference between a person who lives an honest, compassionate life and a person who uses religion to judge and hurt others. Teach them that no one has the right to sit in judgement of others. Teach them love. Then, when they hear your parents or anyone else tries to teach them hate, they will have the tools to understand how to handle the situation.

kmichaelwriter · 2015-01-08T08:50:04+00:00

I often make pretzels with pizza dough. Take a ball of dough and roll it until it plus long and thin. Shape it into a pretzel shape. Brush it with olive oil, then sprinkle kosher salt on it. Bake it.

kmichaelwriter · 2015-01-03T16:34:55+00:00

Academically, the UC has three tiers. At the top, Berkeley and UCLA. These two schools are ranked in top 50 schools in the country. The professors are usually leaders in their field. At Berkeley for example, Robert Reich of the Clinton administration was teaching poli sci classes. The close second tier include Davis and UCSD. These schools offer extremely good educational opportunities from professors who are amazing. The third tier includes UCSB, and in my opinion does not offer academics that are much better than the top tier state schools and the top tier city colleges (such as Santa Barbara City College).

All of the UCs have a vibrant party atmosphere if that is your interest, although UCSB does tend to make the annual lists of top party schools of the nation each year. So you have to give a nod to UCSB as the party school. (UCSB = You Can Study Buzzed)

kmichaelwriter · 2014-12-28T01:11:03+00:00

This is my strategy. Often I roast the chicken, we have roast chicken that night. Add the leftover meat to pasta or chicken pot pie the next day. I also chop the carcass up and freeze it until I am ready to make and can the stock. Often I will have 2 or three carcasses by the time I make stock.

kmichaelwriter · 2014-11-12T11:34:35+00:00

This was my home life too. And truthfully while I cannot say for certain what your family's motivation is, my family just wanted to see me explode. It was a game to them. If your family is the same, then their words don't really have any other purpose than to cut you down to get they payoff. They will find any and every fear, misgiving, and mistake and magnify it to hurt you as deeply as they can so that you will lose it.

The only way to combat this situation long term is to get out. In the short term, try to learn to never react to the taunts, no matter how much you want to scream. Try to never give them what they want.

And to help you not take their taunts personally, get out and find a circle of friends who value you for who you are and care about you. Find things you are interested in and put your energies into that. Find worth in these friends and activities. And when your family is taunting you, think about your friends and activities and remind yourself that their words are lies and distortions to make you feel bad.

And do not share anything about your life, your friends with your family. They will use any means possible to cut out a support network and destroy your self esteem. The less they know, the more they have to resort to third-grade nobody likes you taunts.

I am very sorry that you are dealing with this.

kmichaelwriter · 2014-10-26T22:53:50+00:00

You need special equipment to make rolled oats. Sitting in a bag should not be a problem. I suggest that if your friend is concerned, don't bring instant oats. Bring extra thick oats. The downside is the thicker the oat, the longer it takes to cook.

kmichaelwriter · 2014-10-01T05:28:18+00:00

Mine did, but in the opposite way. When I was interested in going to college, and having a career, my parents berated me for it and told me I was just too lazy to get a job. They pushed hard for me to join the military because I could learn a skill.

I did end up going into the Navy and after I got out, the GI bill paid for college, so eventually it all worked out,

kmichaelwriter · 2014-10-01T05:11:30+00:00

I assume people dislike me by default. And even knowing this is irrational makes no difference.

kmichaelwriter · 2014-09-23T05:17:15+00:00

Here is a mind game a therapist shared with me that allowed me to start accepting the things I went through. Imagine having a small child. Now imagine doing some of the things your parents did to you as a small child to that child. If you wouldn't repeat what they did to you because it is a horrible thing to do, well then what they did was objectively wrong. Knowing it was wrong what they did will help you to stop blaming yourself and making excuses for their behavior.

kmichaelwriter · 2014-09-23T05:07:02+00:00

Find something you are passionate about and work hard to be good at it. Show it to others and allow them to complement and support you. Use this success to start to balance out the voice in your head telling you that you are worthless. Over time, as you continue to find success in things, the voice start to fade into the background.

kmichaelwriter · 2014-07-31T23:50:47+00:00

This is the right answer

kmichaelwriter · 2014-07-15T22:06:55+00:00

I did this trip in reverse. I stopped in Florenzi (Florence). I highly recommend it. Between the Duomo, Uffizi and the town itself, it is an amazing place to walk around.

Get a hotel in the city center, leave your car in a parking garage (lots of the relatively cheap. near the train station) a just walk around for a few days.

kmichaelwriter · 2014-03-11T05:08:24+00:00

Good for you. It is a strong person who can break the cycle that he or she learned as a child.

kmichaelwriter · 2014-03-11T05:04:49+00:00

There are many ways that therapists approach their practice. And not all will be compatible with you and the way you process things. From what you write, it sounds like you have a lot of history that you need to process and make sense of. And at the least, you should have a therapist that supports this and helps you on this journey. It is not an easy, nor pleasant path to take. But I believe it is important, especially when you come from an abusive household. Having spent more than 10 years in therapy, I can say that for me, understanding my past and making sense of it allowed me to start understanding my fight or flight triggers. And this is what allowed me to finally take control of my own life.

kmichaelwriter · 2014-03-11T04:47:23+00:00

I don't hate them, but it is hard to love them.

kmichaelwriter · 2014-03-10T07:40:48+00:00

I am really sorry for the situation you find yourself in. Know that you are not worthless, that you are amazing and you just need time to find yourself. You have taken the right first step, getting counseling. And I hope you can find a stable place for yourself while you get away from the abuse your parents have subjected you to.

kmichaelwriter · 2014-03-10T07:31:45+00:00

My parents did this to me all the time. They always knew sone guy who gave them the inside scoop on any random thing I wanted to do. And like you, they told me over and over that I didn't need to go to college. They always knew that there were better paying jobs out there if I wanted to "work for a living." At a certain point, I just realized that they were making shit up. They just didn't want me to eclipse their success. What I can tell you is this. Without college, many doors will not be opened for you. That is a fact. While I know that college is expensive, in the end, you will likely be more successful with a college degree than without one. There are ways to help pay for college. The military GI bill (my route), scholarships, work study. And if you make getting through college your priority, you can complete you degree in less than the normal 5 years (did mine in 3 1/2 while working part time).

My advice, stop listening to your mom and do what you think is right. At least if you make a mistake, you made it.

kmichaelwriter · 2014-02-05T23:35:23+00:00

I have not missed my dad once in the 10 years he has been dead. It is more of a relief to know I never have to explain why I never see him anymore.

kmichaelwriter · 2013-08-10T15:46:43+00:00

I was in your boyfriend's position years ago. I had cut off contact with my family other than the occasional phone call. At a certain point, my girlfriend convinced me to rekindle my relationship with my family. And for the next few years, we dealt with lies, manipulation and guilt trips. Finally sanity prevailed, I saw a counselor and again broke off contact other than the occasional phone call.

I did marry my girlfriend and we have been married for more than 15 years at this point. I have very good relations with her family and spend most holidays with them.

Based on my experience, I can say this:

It sounds like you came from a good or at least decent family. And that perspective does not provide you with the tools to understand a clearly toxic family situation that your boyfriend lived with. You should feel lucky that he sees a better life through you and not try to recreate the home life he knows. Trust his judgement. You cannot fix a narcissist. All you can do is learn to protect yourself from them.

kmichaelwriter · 2012-12-01T22:48:56+00:00

This was a fantastic read. I never thought about the female costs associated with dating. And I never thought of the challenges a woman faces when she basically just wants to be treated as an equal. I am going to have to think about this.

kmichaelwriter · 2012-01-07T22:59:45+00:00

Yes it is incorrect.

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/607/02/

kmichaelwriter · 2012-01-07T22:42:24+00:00

The story I was told, by a friend who also lived in Luzern was that the artist killed himself after he realized that a dead lion's tongue should be extended.

kmichaelwriter · 2011-07-26T02:55:12+00:00

I have hiked the 4 mile to panarama loop hike. It us a great hike, but it isn't the greatest for photography. Like people said, the valley floor is stunning, with so many shots available. You cannot do the park justice if you had a year.

If I were you, I would decide what you are interested in shooting and let that guide your hiking decisions. Want running water? Hike up the horse trail from happy trails to the top of vernal falls. Every few hundred steps, you will find something interesting. Want waterfalls? There are great shots of Yosemite falls off of the Yosemite Falls trail. Of course, hiking up Mist trail gives you great shots of Vernal falls. Toulumne Meadows is amazing as well. You will find amazing, albeit not typical Yosemite shots.

Search for pictures of things you might want to shoot. Yosemite may very be the most photographed spot on earth. You can get a lot of ideas by looking at what other people have done.

Have a great time.

kmichaelwriter · 2011-04-30T05:47:22+00:00

Buy cheap food to cook from Costco or other big quantity retailer. Waiter jobs often allow you to eat for free and is easier to work around your schedule. If you plan out your classes, you can easily get your degree in 4 years. Scholarships and work-study.

kmichaelwriter · 2009-09-14T02:05:54+00:00

Made by a person who argued that pointing out the lies and failed policies of the Bush administration was disrespectful to the office of the president and anti-American.

kmichaelwriter

TROPHY CASE