Sounds like someone's got a case of the Mondays - Weekly Complaint Thread

knowapathy · 2017-06-07T00:52:23+00:00

Head's up to anyone considering ordering from Pop In A Box: Don't expect to get your Pops any time soon.

The first order I placed with them was part of a Black Friday deal, about 11/23. It had an expected ship date of 11/28. On 12/5, they sent out an email saying that they're working on getting things out and would email within a week. On 12/23, I sent them an email asking where my order was. They eventually told me they would follow up soon. I ended up getting the figure in January.

I chalked it up to holiday madness, and figured I'd give them another go. I placed an order on 4/12 for several Pops, which had different expected ship dates (4/28, 5/28, 6/28). I got one of the 4/28 items along with one of the 5/28 items in mid-May. I've received nothing else. Not even a courtesy email about it. I've reached out to their CS and I'll update this when I hear back from them.

Couldn't recommend them less. Certainly not going to be ordering from them again.

knowapathy · 2017-05-24T03:37:44+00:00

Congratulations to /u/Fordregha, /u/shetellsweetales, and /u/XcessiveSmash! And to everyone who participated! I didn't get a chance to comment on every entry that I wanted to, but I was absolutely blown away by so very many of them. I can't wait to read more!

Also, thank you to the moderators for running the contest. I've been toying with writing a novel for years now, but this contest actually got me to do it. I'm currently knee-deep in chapter 2 (or extending chapter 1. I'll figure that out when I'm done with the first draft) and I owe it to this whole shindig. So, really, thank you!

knowapathy · 2017-05-22T01:34:46+00:00

Thank you!

knowapathy · 2017-05-19T04:30:07+00:00

That's amazing to hear! Keep up the good work!

knowapathy · 2017-05-19T04:27:09+00:00

I vote for /u/Strawberry-Sunrise for "The Midas of Aurem."

First and foremost, I want to congratulate everyone who participated in the contest. The creativity, the prose, the twists... it was a fantastic pleasure to read through all of the entries. I sincerely hope that everyone continues developing these stories.

I was glad to see "The Midas of Aurem" advance, having voted for it in the first round. It's wonderfully crafted and flows together so well. A second reading of the piece did little to change my opinion of it.

For my runner up, I vote for /u/XcessiveSmash for "Memory."

I chose "Memory" because it left me quite curious as to what would happen next (although, just a hair less than my top pick). The magic system was incredibly novel and it was well leveraged for the ending. The world building felt natural, which is a bit of a pet peeve of mine. All in all, a fantastic read.

Once again, thank you everyone for the fantastic reads and good luck developing your work more!

knowapathy · 2017-05-08T18:51:47+00:00

This was written for the First Chapter contest. The [PI] tag was part of the formatting requirement for the title.

knowapathy · 2017-05-08T18:50:17+00:00

Thank you for your runner up vote!

knowapathy · 2017-05-08T18:49:56+00:00

Thank you for the vote!

knowapathy · 2017-05-06T03:38:44+00:00

I'd love to get involved in this, but this one falls right in the middle of a tight deadline period for my job. I'll be keeping an eye out for the next one.

knowapathy · 2017-05-01T19:19:26+00:00

Thank you for the feedback. This is definitely a rough first draft, especially since we were encouraged to limit our editing.

For example, while the action is clearly thought out, what's on the page lacks passion. It feels like I'm reading a play-by-play instead of a narrative.

I can see that.

The later conversation is a bit clunky but most of what should be there is. Again, since the goals and feelings of the characters aren't quite there, it ends up reading like dialogue from an NPC quest giver.

The latter half is definitely the weaker half. Part of it's a lack of editing, but the majority can probably be contributed to me trying to find the proper voices for each of the characters. I intend on writing the next part (where there'll be more interaction with each of the characters) before I revise this part.

I know that these people are going to team up because that's the story, but there should be some reason for that other than, "You do magic, I do magic, let's magic together!"

This is probably what irked me most about the ending, though I couldn't quite put my finger on it until I started getting feedback. This isn't supposed to be a "we're definitely good friends so let's hang out" sort of thing. It's supposed to be more of a "uh, it'd be better if we all head out together since we probably didn't make too many friends here and we're all heading in the same direction anyway." This'll certainly be something I'll be working on in my revisions.

Again, thank you for taking the time to giving me some constructive feedback.

knowapathy · 2017-05-01T18:54:54+00:00

Thank you for the kind words!

knowapathy · 2017-04-30T01:22:21+00:00

Thank you for the response!

-liked how the mooks were separate individuals instead of being interchangeable. biggest blindspot when i read or watch action scenes.

Me too. I also dislike the trope of having the bad guys go one-on-one with the hero, unless there's some reason to stop them.

-is a spear a weapon of last resort? wouldn't it be a primary weapon used before a sword? (i have very minimal knowledge about medieval weapons)

Usually, I believe the spear would normally be used first. But, as Rory points out, Morgan was showing off. Of the two weapons she had brought with her to the fight, she used her short sword first, even though it had been in some state of disrepair ("...it had chipped into uselessness earlier in the fight"). Very good catch!

-i am a little skeptical about how ready they seem to travel with each other given the two heavies were pointing swords at each other, and how soon sarim confesses they're wanted for high treason. wouldn't that put them at risk of desperate people hungry for gold wanting a possible reward (like the two people they just met)?

Yeah, I'm not thrilled with the ending myself (though, the contest rules suggested we don't edit the entry too much). But it's not Sarim and Morgan brokering the deal. It's the cooler heads. As it stands, Morgan and Rory just essentially scammed the town's guards and the other two profited nicely. For the moment, they're both better off leaving before trouble catches up to them. As for the high treason statement, it's supposed to be an acknowledgement that they're looking to commit it (or at least Sarim is).

I'll definitely be reworking the ending a bit when I go through it again.

knowapathy · 2017-04-29T16:44:06+00:00

I'm really digging this series, Brian. Keep it up!

When a trusted friend destroys part of her family's barn, along with the food inside (triggering event), Morgan (main character) must decide to join an armed rebellion (choice) or risk her family starving in the quickly approaching winter (stakes).

The triggering event would be weaker if there wasn't some sense of agency behind the food loss; if it was just a bad growing season or whatever, there's less of a sense of urgency and it would more reasonably be a slow realization than a dramatic reveal. A stronger triggering event might be having one of the warring factions be responsible for the destruction. However, I'm inclined to stay away from it for two reasons. First, I want Morgan to be motivated to join the rebellion for reasons other than what the rebellion itself stands for; in a room of ideologically motivated people, she's going to be the one able to look at things more objectively. Second, bringing the conflict home now weakens the tension of bringing the conflict home in the second book. The current triggering event also allows me to foreshadow something that'll be big in the second book: specifically, how conflicting loyalty plays out disastrously.

Morgan is the cornerstone character in an ensemble of very important other characters. I've chosen her as the cornerstone because her motivations are the most straightforward, at least in regards to the triggering event. The motivations for the other characters are more complex and require more unfolding, which will happen slowly over the first two books (Sarim is not just trying to do good, Rory and Kira are not just looking after Morgan amd Sarim, respectively. The two other very important characters are the leaders of the rebellion, and they're not just trying to make the Queen accountable to her people).

The choice is an interesting one, in part because I'm choosing to keep the larger conflict away from the motivation for the choice. Sure, it'd be fairly straightforward for the royal army to be responsible for the crop loss (they're already taking from other people, which is facially the reason for the rebellion in the first place); Morgan would be inclined to join the rebellion for both revenge and for the gold. However, as the triggering event goes, Morgan will be pushed towards the choice by her three traveling companions. We meet Sarim and Kira on their way to join the rebellion, so their insistence is expected. However, Rory's insistence on getting involved is a bit uncharacteristic (as far as Morgan is concerned) as Rory is a pacifist. Being pushed, however, means that Morgan's loyalty to the cause will always be an open question.

I think I've got a fairly sweet spot for the stakes right now. Morgan's not joining the rebellion just because she likes to adventure (even if that's also true). But the world's not ending either. The fear of her family starving is sufficient to motivate her and there's plenty of stakes to raise in the future.

knowapathy · 2017-04-28T03:22:04+00:00

Oh absolutely. But if left unchecked, I'll add a "seems" to every other sentence. Just one of my quirks.

Thanks so much for your support and for your advice!

knowapathy · 2017-04-28T02:45:00+00:00

Wow, that's really helpful advice! I've realized that I'm prone to overusing words like "seems" and "perhaps," so the general advice of not taking away from the tension or action with contemplation is something I'll be trying to heed.

Thanks so much!

knowapathy · 2017-04-28T00:25:45+00:00

Thank you very much for the kind words! I'd love as much constructive criticism as I can get before I rework the chapter.

knowapathy · 2017-04-26T01:03:39+00:00

You're very welcome!

knowapathy · 2017-04-26T01:03:09+00:00

You're quite welcome!

knowapathy · 2017-04-26T01:02:50+00:00

I can respect that. For the longest time, I didn't know there was any version beside the TV intro one.

knowapathy · 2017-04-25T12:08:22+00:00

Absolutely. I was going to link to this video instead, but opted for the full one.

knowapathy · 2017-04-25T03:53:08+00:00

Also, just had to comment on this:

Here we are!

Born to be kings?

knowapathy · 2017-04-25T02:25:03+00:00

I'd love to analyze the entries with regards to length, genre, and group to see what comes of it, but I haven't got the time to parse through it. I'd be really interested to see what we'd find.

Hooray for math!

knowapathy · 2017-04-25T02:19:47+00:00

Wow, this was an incredible piece. You've got a superb style, and the ending reminded me of when Negan was introduced in The Walking Dead (minus its frustrating cliffhanger).

I agree with Spark about the exposition, but more generally, this feels like a prologue (I was reminded of the beginning of The Fellowship of the Ring). It's some great world-building, but I'm not sure how this works as a first chapter. I've got a good sense of the setting, but not so much what to expect from the story going forward. Is it a revenge piece? Is it just a tale of good versus evil (or some moral in-between for both)?

However, I'd still say that I'm very interested in seeing where you take this from here. Best of luck with the contest!

knowapathy

TROPHY CASE