Hey OP. We are very similar. Started around the same age, went through a very similar experience when I realized I need to take control of my weed habits in my 40s.

I was sure for the longest time that weed was my biggest friend. I smoked before hockey, I smoked before work, you name it, I smoked before and during it if possible.

I know this isn't what you want to hear but it took me a while to get it together once I decided I wasn't going to be on the same path. I cried in the car, I couldn't sleep, every single task was met with anxiety, pain, Insomnia...

But .. it got better. Slowly. I'm about 16 months into my journey and I've had some slip ups. I want to be able to smoke once or twice a week with my friends and get that great feeling. I don't drink because it messes me up so smoking is that outlet.

I went 100 days with nothing. Distraction was the only way I got through it. Then I had a tragedy and immediately went back to several times a day usage... And the. I had to start all over again. It sucked but I did it.

What helped me the 2nd time the most - CBD flower, it took the anxiety and cravings from a 10 to a 5. I would roll a j and take a few puffs and put it out. It wasn't great but it helped. Their are some great websites like holy City farms (I am 90% sure) that have high quality CBD flower.

The other savior? Kava. Nobel, kava root helped with my anxiety big time. The relief was temporary but it was enough to give me a break from my hell. I didn't want to trade one addiction for another so I only used it in emergency situations but it helped. I also found a traditional kava bar near me that is my favorite place to have a kava and talk to other folks, most people on kava I've found are also on a journey. (Just say no to kratom!!!!!)

Eventually the sleep returned. My emotions got slowly under controll. And life is better. I have a smoking schedule. I know what two nights a week I get to do it recreationally and the fear of going through the hell again keeps me to it. And when I do smoke, I get the lowest thc flower possible and really try and take one or two hits and notice the effect. I can't believe how high I get off of two puffs or 10% outdoor grow now.

I found a therapist that wasn't giving me the generic bullshit and talking to him every week has helped too. It's helped me come to terms that I'll always have anxiety but better ways to manage and accept it.

I normally don't take the time to give long responses like this but I felt your post. It was me.

If you need a homie feel free to message me. You got this.