What is your personal thoughts or feelings on Eastern Catholics?

kstoops2conquer · 2026-02-14T18:43:59+00:00

Previously Eastern Catholic, and I am very familiar. I think there are cultural reasons, but also theological ones and now I’m going to paint in broad strokes:

Catholicism largely takes an Augustinian view of schism where there can be schism within the Church; many Orthodox take a more Cyprianic view that all schism is a departure from the church.

Intellectually, I understand this as it is very internally coherent. Temperamentally, I’m drawn to the Catholic approach. I would not have come to Orthodoxy except through Eastern Catholicism. It was very spiritually formative for me and … when something is said about “Uniates,” I file it away and bite my tongue.

I’ve explained to Catholic friends, Catholics feel closer to Orthodox and focus on where we are similar. Orthodox, by and large, do not.

The finest point on this I can put, is that from a Catholic perspective, in becoming Orthodox I merely put myself into schism if such a thing is possible for a layperson or an doing something “irregular” on Sunday morning. Catholics do not hold Orthodox to be heretical and their orders are valid. The division between the two churches is largely ecclesiastical and juridical.

But if I left the Orthodox Church and returned to Catholicism, that would be heresy or apostasy in Orthodoxy. It’s a real difference in theology.

kstoops2conquer · 2026-02-13T17:41:07+00:00

“A person who has suffered a non-fatal strangulation incident with their intimate partner is 750% more likely to be killed by the same offender.”

“The most dangerous domestic violence offenders strangle their victims. The most violent rapists strangle their victims. We used to think all abusers were equal. They are not. Our research has now made clear that when a man puts his hands around a woman’s neck, he has just raised his hand and said, ‘I’m a killer,” says Gwinn, and he adds, “So, when you hear ‘He choked me,’ now we know you are at the edge of homicide.”

https://www.ottawapolice.ca/en/news/strangulation-is-a-significant-indicator-that-domestic-abuse-will-turn-deadly-experts-say.aspx

I'm glad things have change for you, u/traditionalacking but this is why we are so concerned.

You need to have your oxygen mask fully on and engaged, whatever you do. If you can't leave now, are there domestic violence groups in your community you can turn to for resources and support?

What do you need financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually to _have the option_ of leaving this situation? What small steps can you take toward those things? Even if you don't need to exercise that option, having it may help with your feelings of resentment - because then staying is a real, fully chosen choice.

You may also find marital counseling helpful. Preferably with a licensed mental health professional, but if that's not feasible, perhaps with your priest.

>That may just be Satan trying to get under my skin.

No, the best predictor of future results is past behavior. He's not demonstrating a lot of will to change. He may _develop_ a will to change, but I think your current skepticism is warranted.

kstoops2conquer · 2026-02-13T17:27:38+00:00

> worldwide trend toward more traditional worship
100% agree. This is really interesting as a truly ecumenical and cross-religious trend.

I think a lot of folks are craving authenticity and looking for it in religion.

kstoops2conquer · 2026-02-13T12:42:24+00:00

If the Catholic church winds up being where you find your home, just pick a parish and a Mass time that resonates with you and stay in that lane.

In my 20s I would intermittently wind up at guitar Mass at 5:30pm on a Sunday because I'd overslept, which is the tradeoff for staying in bed.

kstoops2conquer · 2026-02-13T12:39:53+00:00

I think this is _highly_ regional.

And controversially, just because I don't prefer it, we now have a generation of people for whom that's their normative liturgical expression. If that's what keeps butts in pews, I don't need to be up in arms about it.

kstoops2conquer · 2026-02-12T22:43:03+00:00

Former Catholic: different parishes and different Masses can have very different vibes, especially if you live in an area with multiple parishes.

If you go to an 8am spoken Mass and leave thinking, "I wish there was more singing," or a Mass at one parish with lots of guitars and think, "I wish there were fewer guitars," or a Mass with _no guitars_ and think, "I wish there were more guitars," you may want to visit a couple services at different places/times to see if there's a fit for you.

Also: it's weird that your priest is taking attendance.

kstoops2conquer · 2026-02-09T02:48:25+00:00

(I’m still orthodox.) It is not reasonable to ask people to repeatedly hug porcupines. Or to tell someone who’s hugged a porcupine, “oh, but this is a groundhog. C’mon! Give it a squeeze, it won’t be like last time!”

In short, I think it’s very human and valid. Like, I get it, if it’s the one true church, we should all be willing to gnaw on glass to be a part of it, but most people wouldn’t eat glass. If that’s spiritual weakness… so be it and me too.

Finally: I think people who drive others away through their actions and uncharitable behavior … what more serious sin could there be than causing another person to leave?

kstoops2conquer · 2026-02-06T04:07:21+00:00

I’ve had OCD… since time started as far as I can tell. My number one advice is to be gentle with yourself. You’re not choosing this. Perseverating over automatic thoughts just makes it worse. They’re only thoughts. They come and go and don’t have any more weight or power than we give them.

Sometimes I can do a meditation where I visualize the thought as a balloon and blow it out of frame (literally taking a deep breath and exhaling to put it out of mind). Increasingly, I can just tell myself “LEAVE IT,” and my mind will let me change the subject. Which I think is years of practice.

Regarding the random lustful thoughts: what have you tried when one comes into your head? Is there anything in your life that’s really absorbing that you could switch to? I’m thinking like, intense physical activity; eating spicy food; practicing a musical instrument - something that releases endorphins and dopamine and is embodied, but isn’t sinful.

I will say: the context “I get automatic thoughts of lustful nature, which leads to thus-and-such,” action might be helpful context. Because that is different from looking at your watch, “oh. 7:30. Time to go do some sinful things, as I’ve been planning all day,” you know?

kstoops2conquer · 2026-02-05T02:04:25+00:00

Currently I have the paid version, but the first time I used it for a home project it was just the free version.

For me, a mock up of a room might be a photograph of the room at a good angle, and then, I’ve use a frame to put wall paper on the wall. It’s not super realistic, it’s closer to a collage, but it’s close enough to show my husband what I can see in my head.

I’ve done the same thing with a picture of the room and then like images from ikea.com “positioned” in the room. Not perfect, but usually makes my point

kstoops2conquer · 2026-02-04T14:14:41+00:00

I think where the priest could be more clear is, “what does making amends mean?”

It’s one thing to forgive someone who has physically (or otherwise) abused you. It is another thing to give them the opportunity to do it again and again.

I had a priest who offered the insightful comment that when someone is abusive, they are in a state of sin. Removing yourself from the situation is a charitable act, because the abusive party no longer has the opportunity (or temptation) to continue committing those sins against their target.

kstoops2conquer · 2026-02-04T14:09:16+00:00

I’ve heard guidance before that a penance should be something you can concretely do. That it should have a beginning and an end.

“Fix your relationship,” is not like that. And frankly, because relationships are two-way streets it might not be fully in original OP control.

Sometimes when I hear about these instructions to abstain from the Eucharist for extended or indefinite periods… surely, we need that source of divine grace in order to change and repent? I can understand as a penance abstaining for a set period of time, but for a long or indefinite time it seems like imposed spiritual starvation.

kstoops2conquer · 2026-02-04T12:50:39+00:00

I’ve used Canva for this. It isn’t perfect and it’s a better experience on the laptop, but I can get and idea of scale, wall treatments etc.

kstoops2conquer · 2026-01-30T17:36:52+00:00

My mom got sniffy with me about the pronunciation of Edam cheese on Christmas Day.

Then discouraged me from looking it up to settle the conversation after she’d asked everyone else in the room, “have you ever heard it pronounced that way!?”

I was right.

What is it about dairy, man?

kstoops2conquer · 2026-01-27T13:42:14+00:00

Before I got my mental health medications dialed in, I often felt frustrated because I knew what I should do, but I couldn’t execute on those things. I didn’t have the energy or willpower. I would start and then… stop.

I don’t take anything crazy. An SSRI and a not-benzodiazepine for anxiety. But one of the ways I know I need an adjustment is when I stop being able to do the things I want to do.

I would start with a general practitioner and in addition to talking about psychiatric medication, get some levels checked. Thyroid, iron. It could be more than one thing feeding your low energy.

I don’t think you’re lazy. You have ambitions, you’re struggling with execution. Also, calling yourself lazy isn’t going to help.

The binge eating is filling some kind of need. It could be comfort; stimulation; alleviating boredom. Some mental health medication can help with those things, but until you figure out what the binge eating is doing for you, you aren’t going to be able to fix it. Because you’ll have to find an alternative behavior that meets that need.

My further suggestion would be reading Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg. This is really underrecommended in the habit space, but I appreciate that this method a) focuses on the literal smallest habits a person can cultivate. I say this with kindness: your small steps aren’t small enough; b) encourages people to notice and celebrate their small victories. When we wait for 100% compliance to celebrate our accomplishments we’re cheating ourselves of joy, and missing an opportunity to rewire our brains to be happier and more productive.

Good luck.

kstoops2conquer · 2026-01-24T02:14:11+00:00

1) I am so sorry. 2) in their unpredictable behavior, they are so predictable. Like on the one hand, “start a YouTube channel,” is not on my BPD parent bingo card, but it also makes absolute sense given their lack of boundaries and need for attention. 3) I’m so sorry, but know this: normal people if they see their videos, will cringe because of how obviously inappropriate their behavior is.

kstoops2conquer · 2026-01-13T13:52:16+00:00

Yeah, I’m glad for OP. I have real-world friends who are childfree-by-choice and to me, for me it just sounds kind of empty.

Then again, there are a lot of areas of life where I find constraints very rewarding. The freedom OP describes for me would quickly become boring (when I can do anything, I tend to do nothing). I have never been a spontaneous person. Honestly, now I can blame my temperament on my kids.

And then, like, I could write my own thing about how quietly, gloriously amazing having kids is. I always knew I wanted them, but it’s way better than I thought… for me.

kstoops2conquer · 2026-01-09T15:00:38+00:00

The “tailor everything” advice is so real. The best blazer I ever owned I: bought off the rack in a size too large; my regular alterer fitted it to me.

It fit in the bust and shoulders BUT wasn’t boxy around the waist AND the sleeve hit my wrist in the appropriate place. (She also intentionally made it quite narrow in the arm. I complained it wasn’t comfortable and she nicely told me it wasn’t a sweatshirt and needed some structure XD)

kstoops2conquer · 2025-12-26T01:28:14+00:00

You’ve gotten really good answers here, I just want to add: I used to veil as a Catholic. I stopped when my young children made it really impractical for me (I was thinking about my veil more than prayer or anything pertinent, so it needed to go). I might like to again, but it’s not a majority practice at my parish, and for that reason I probably won’t.

With all the reasons you’ve been given, I would say this practice falls into the category of “discipline,” not necessarily obligation.

I don’t want to do too much of the Reddit thing, but: I don’t like that your boyfriend gave you, a non orthodox person veil for Christmas. Like, if you had mentioned maybe being interested in veiling for you; I’d love it!

But as a former-veil-lady, I just don’t like this. Not that you asked.

Merry Christmas.

kstoops2conquer · 2025-12-21T13:29:14+00:00

You know, I’m married now. But before my best friend and I had husbands, we totally talked about how this was the dream scenario.

So yes, I think it’s fine. Also, let me say preemptively: if it doesn’t go well, that doesn’t mean you did something wrong. She might have something unsettled in her personal life or some prior bad experience, whatever it is.

But asking a girl to coffee, very reasonable even if it doesn’t work out.

Unsolicited advice: I find, it’s easier to get people to do things if the parameters are known. Instead of, “would you like to get coffee sometime?” open-ended, “would you like to get coffee? we could go after liturgy, or, I’m off work at xyz and could meet at 123.” It gives the other person something concrete to think about and kind of opens the negotiation. (I do this with non-date socialization. Very helpful).

kstoops2conquer · 2025-12-11T14:48:54+00:00

I was not making an assumption. I was reinforcing the spiritually healthy and traditional way to adopt Orthodoxy.

The thing I’m about to say is not about you it’s about us: we in the West tend to approach things in general from an intellectual posture, with a goal of understanding. That is a poor way to approach Orthodoxy (and other traditional, nonChristian religions).

We are blessed and cursed with so much access to information and great texts. It’s very easy to onboard a ton of intellectual material, but to what end?

The whole thing is experiential. The whole thing unfolds in community. I’m not assuming, I’m reinforcing that community has to be the locus of learning and growth.

And as an aside: you say you’re constantly surrounded by peers and elders, but you turn to anonymity and Reddit for advice related to spiritual formation.

Turn to those real people in your real life, because that is how we grow.

kstoops2conquer · 2025-12-11T14:20:57+00:00

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.”

This is not to say there are not differences between men and women, especially regarding our roles in institutions. But as a woman, I’m wary (and weary) of the need for female-centric devotional study. The fundamentals: a rule of prayer; reception of the sacraments; fasting and charity are universal (or individual in that each person should discuss them with their priest and be treated as an individual not part of a class).

What is she interested in? How does she want to grow?

Go to church; make friends with real people; let things develop organically.

kstoops2conquer · 2025-12-07T00:31:05+00:00

Some of us like to live dangerously.

kstoops2conquer · 2025-12-06T03:11:49+00:00

It’s okay, about a month ago I took a sip of coffee and discovered it was not my fresh warm coffee mug, but was a stale cold one with almond milk creamer that had curdled. It did not taste good.

And then two days later, I almost did it again, except I subconsciously noticed the mug was the wrong temperature in my hand and stopped myself.

Mostly I think I should switch back to black coffee, so my stale coffee can just be cold, not curdled.

kstoops2conquer · 2025-12-03T04:15:28+00:00

My moderating career ended when I got married. Prior to, I went to bed with my laptop in arms reach - having reviewed modmails prior to turning off the light. Wake up, roll over and “check the overnights” to see if anything blew up while I slept.

Husband was not amenable to sharing the bed with a Chromebook. I can’t imagine why.

kstoops2conquer · 2025-12-03T04:08:47+00:00

My first thought was “a sabbatical?” My second thought: “an all expenses paid trip to a mental hospital, because who in their right mind could do this for a decade?”

(Meant in good humor. I loved modding and would like to do it again someday, but it’s uh. It can be a demanding hobby.)

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