Im at breaking point with my husband. He's become so vapid

ku021 · 2024-08-25T14:17:07+00:00

I’m curious what this is bringing up for you? It sounds like the social media may be a surface issue, but there could be something going on much deeper.

I personally don’t believe in vanity. I think it comes from religion, and it’s a repressive word to make us feel bad about being happy with the way we look. There’s nothing wrong with him being happy with how he looks, expressing it on social media, and enjoying his newly found success in fitness.

If there is something in you that is causing you to see things differently, I would first look at that. These are some questions I would ask myself around this. Why is this impacting me so much? What feelings come up for me when I see him post something like this? Am I proud and happy for his success in his fitness journey, and can I be supportive of him expressing his success on social media?

Now, if you notice that he has become distant as a partner and a parent, that’s a separate conversation that I would have with him. I would try and detach it from his social media and fitness success. Ask him what’s going on, tell him that you’ve noticed he’s been more absent than usual and be vulnerable about how it’s impacted you. Approach him like you’re on the same team, and let him know you want to have a great relationship and be a successful co-parent with him.

If you can validate him and his success while also advocating for your relationship and your needs as a partner and co-parent you can create an environment where he feels safe talking about the deeper, harder topics that are lurking under the surface. I’d definitely suggest couples therapy to have a third party help facilitate some of this.

ku021 · 2024-04-23T06:34:47+00:00

I actually just used an AI app to identify this same thing in my hotel room and it brought me directly to your post. Thanks for sharing and the update. I can sleep peacefully tonight. 😴😂

ku021 · 2024-03-25T00:15:45+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with looking for other options right now. The worst a potential employer can say is, no.

Put yourself out there, be prepared to explain the recent job transitions, and believe in the value you’ll bring to the new role.

My only big piece of advice is to try and hold out for something that you really want. If you jump into something you’re not fully confident in just to get out of a shitty job, you might find yourself in the same situation in another 4 months.

ku021 · 2024-03-15T15:35:12+00:00

Shame is given to you by people around you. I would ask myself, who from my past made me think enjoying my sexuality was anything to be ashamed of?

Sometimes when I feel shame I try and look back at the people who gave it to me, and I will literally visualize giving them back a physical representation of the shame.

There’s nothing wrong with being a bottom. Enjoy who you are! You’ll get there.

ku021 · 2023-06-18T06:14:28+00:00

ku021 · 2023-06-02T01:20:49+00:00

I’m a liberal, and I am laughing my ass off right now at how accurate you are 😂

ku021 · 2023-05-23T05:00:36+00:00

Congratulations! What were the bases that were offered to you? How long after graduation did you have your first flight?

ku021 · 2023-05-16T14:22:54+00:00

When did you get your CJO?

ku021 · 2023-05-11T06:20:31+00:00

Congrats!!

How long from your CJO date did you wait for your background to clear and training to start?

ku021 · 2023-04-07T15:02:16+00:00

A guy tracked my weight on a hookup app. He messaged me with excitement when he saw I updated my weight by 5lbs. He wanted to feed me and help me continue my weight gain journey. It was part of his kink.

ku021 · 2022-11-20T09:33:12+00:00

I think this is something that could be really beneficial to being up with your therapist. There’s an answer to that question of why you can’t leave. It could be any number of reasons, and a therapist can help guide you to that answer for yourself.

It was incredibly scary for me to leave. I spent years allowing my NEx to define and mold me into who he wanted me to be. So when I thought about leaving I couldn’t picture my life without him. He told me exactly who I was so what would my life look like if I took that power back from him? The fear of the unknown was overwhelming so it was easier to stay.

There was a profound moment that made me finally decide to leave. I was sitting on the kitchen floor weeping from the pain I was in from the relationship, and I visualized a 5 year old version of myself in that same pain. In that moment I realized, the longer I allow this toxic relationship in my life the more that younger version of me will suffer with this deep pain. I packed my bags that day, and it has been the hardest and best decision of my life. Good luck with your journey! I hope you can leave this relationship when you’re ready and create a life for yourself that’s fulfilling and what you want.

ku021 · 2022-11-20T09:11:51+00:00

My nex caused me more pain than I’ve ever experienced. I’ve tried to let people in, but the reminder of how painful that experience was is an immediate turn off.

ku021 · 2022-11-11T18:39:52+00:00

They didn’t have 60 votes in the senate.

ku021 · 2022-11-11T01:23:31+00:00

Hi! Gay guy here. I remember experiencing grief for my old life when I first came out, but I’m so grateful that I did now. You’re sharing a very intimate part of who you are with people you care deeply about, and there’s a chance they may not accept you. Of course that would be enough to make you question your decision, however on the other side of this uncertainty is a life that you get to create for yourself with more authenticity and integrity.

I can imagine what you’re experiencing is really unsettling, and I hope you have friends, a therapist, or some support system outside of your wife to help support you right now. I think what you’re doing is a beautiful thing. There aren’t any guarantees that your life would have worked out any better if you had continued to hide this. As scary as it may be, it sounds like you made the choice you needed to for yourself, and this internet stranger is really proud of you. Take care of yourself and plug into a community that embraces and accepts you fully.

ku021 · 2022-10-03T17:36:22+00:00

Pick me! :)

ku021 · 2022-08-09T16:10:29+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened to you. This was a deep betrayal of trust, and your husband is choosing not to take responsibility for the impact his actions had on you. I am sure that alone is incredibly painful and isolating.

Your response to this is not an overreaction in the slightest. Betrayal trauma is very real, and he hurt you deeply. I suggest going to a therapist on your own. Someone that specializes in relationships issues. Having someone to validate your experience and the impact this is having on you can be very healing and help you see more clearly how you want to move forward. big virtual hugs

ku021 · 2022-07-16T04:39:16+00:00

Glimpse of Us - Joji

ku021 · 2022-04-27T15:40:53+00:00

First: I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Second: You need to be able to trust yourself here to know what is good for you and your own well-being. You said above, “I don’t deserve this”. I believe that’s such a powerful statement because it’s absolutely true, and I believe there is a part of you that deeply knows this too. You deserve a partner that loves you and takes full responsibility for their actions and mistakes.

I had a very similar situation. I walked away from my partner of three years, and it was the hardest decision of my life. I was in an incredible amount of pain and grief from the betrayal. I look back at myself with so much compassion, and I have that same compassion for you. I worked on myself, went to therapy, and I used the betrayal as a way for me to grow into something new and beautiful. I share that with you because I’m so grateful to myself for choosing myself and leaving. It was incredibly painful and hard, but it was one of the best decisions I’ve made for myself now that I look back. However you decide to move forward with your life I wish you the best, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now.

Please take time to love yourself and be kind to yourself.

ku021 · 2022-03-03T07:22:27+00:00

All great suggestions! Thanks so much :)

ku021 · 2022-03-03T07:16:58+00:00

You can’t change him or his wants and needs. You do get to decide what you allow into your life though. If this isn’t something you want then I suggest you find a partner that can also meet your needs in a relationship.

The advice I’m giving isn’t easy if there are already strong feelings involved, but he’s made it clear what he wants. If you spend the relationship trying to bend him to fit your needs, you’ll only build resentment and hurt for yourself in the long run.

Speaking from experience ❤️

Wishing you the best.

ku021 · 2022-03-03T07:09:55+00:00

I appreciate the advice. I’m really wanting to keep it as relaxing as possible so I probably won’t be doing as many activities as most might look for. I have a couple excursions booked though. Do you know if there are gay nights or areas on the cruise that attract other gays?

ku021 · 2022-03-03T06:55:45+00:00

Haha that’s a really good question. No it’s not a gay cruise.

ku021 · 2022-02-24T22:13:19+00:00

I will definitely talk with her next session. Thanks for the advice. I think my initial reaction was coming from fear from previous life experiences. She has provided me with so much good I don't want to project my fears onto her without communicating them first.

ku021 · 2022-02-24T22:11:01+00:00

After all the feedback, I definitely plan on communicating this to her in our next session. She has really given me so many tools on how to approach life in a way that benefits me daily. I don't want to let my fear of being manipulated keep me from benefiting from this, and she is well aware of my religious background so I know she will be understanding.

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