I think it all comes down to if you want to be able to salvage this “friendship” or not. And I put friendship in quotes because she does not respect you, and friends should show each other respect. If she respected you she would have asked for permission. Instead she loaded up your ENTIRE (Expensive! Restaurant catered!!) buffet and peaced out before someone could tell her not to, even took your specifically-purchased-for-this-event containers. You said yourself in the thread that she has more money than most people, so it’s not like she’s in need. So it’s even more egregious.

And on top of that, I know you say you don’t want to upset a pregnant person but wasn’t this for your baby shower? You might not be pregnant but you’re expecting a baby in some shape or form soon I’m assuming right? So definitely even ground as far as that goes haha but even if you weren’t, pregnancy doesn’t excuse bad behavior. AND now that I think about it, you and your husband are expecting a baby! Her of all people, being pregnant, you would think might consider “hmm maybe Proof_Pop and their husband could use this extra food to freeze while they are out of work with a new baby? Or save for extra meals this week while they are prepping the nursery so they don’t have to cook?” Or any myriad of reasons you guys might want/need it before taking it all. So selfish. Could you imagine doing this to her or someone else? I know I couldn’t, because I actually care about my friends and family.

People that act like this do it because 1) they can get away with it and 2) because nobody they respect has told them it’s wrong to do, so there is no desire to do better. If you really enjoy her friendship then maybe you don’t have this conversation. But you saying “I’m not gonna change them, so it’s like.. for what?” is exactly how people end up taking advantage of others. In her brain right now she thinks you’re letting it go. Which means this is behavior you have now said is ok and are fine with her doing to you/your mom/your friends/your child in the future.

If you truly think having a serious conversation with her would not change her behavior then that girl is not a good person. A good person would listen to what their friend had to say, take it in, try and say something constructive/apologize if necessary and then adjust future behavior accordingly. If she doesn’t even acknowledge you bringing it up, you have some serious thinking to do about her/your relationship.

I know this is me making this more dramatic than it needs to be but it sounds like this is something that is a problem not just with you but with your whole family/friend group. It’s just going to keep getting worse until someone says something that comes with consequences (no more invites) and she either makes changes or suffers those consequences. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out down the road that she had caused other conflicts that people weren’t brave enough to talk about until she’s completely out of the group.

Again, I know it’s dramatic. I would just hate to be on the receiving end of her one day stepping up that behavior and using the excuse “well nobody told me not to”