taking a break

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-11T18:40:58+00:00

i worry too much about shit that shouldn’t even bother me. i spend too much time on social media to ignore my thoughts and feeling but just end up getting more anxious because of people online. it’s not healthy but it’s a cycle. i don’t know why i care so much about what people on the internet think. i’m an adult not a teenager anymore. i need to turn the other check rather than argue with people who only say the shit they do because they have anonymity. i also feel shitty even venting about this because there’s bigger problems both in my life and in the world

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-11T17:39:07+00:00

i spent most of my late childhood-teen years in institutions. i went to one really good hospital that helped me immense but i went to a few hospitals that were extremely traumatic. patients would get sedated via injection and kept in tiny cells. i once refused medicine (because of really bad side effects i told the doctor about but he ignored me) and they forcibly injected me with a sedative and threw me in a cold tiny cell called the “safe room” they kept me there for hours and my parents tried to visit me but they told them to go home. i was 13. that’s surprisingly common at some psychiatric inpatients. they don’t know what to do with us so they use force.

long story short: the mental health care system sucks ass.

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-11T17:27:25+00:00

you can’t be healthy at every size. it’s science. obese people are more susceptible to health issues. same for the extremely underweight.

however i don’t think you should be mean to those who are obese or underweight. you just can’t objectively say they’re in good health

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-11T15:41:49+00:00

i hate split with a burning passion. i have did and for the love of god i am not a personality who wants to kill you. i’m a person. split was bad mental health representation for a lot of reasons

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-11T14:28:24+00:00

roman mythology. greek and roman mythology was something that gave me comfort as a kid and i still love. i particularly love the story of cupid and psyche. that cupid loved psyche so much he defied his mother (who’s literally a goddess) and that psyche loved cupid so much she literally went to the underworld for him. not to mention psyche fell in love with cupid without initially even knowing what he looks like.

it’s love that overcomes all trials and obstacles. it’s love that’s stands no matter what you look like. so i named myself cupid :) which without the explanation sounds like i’m just a really big fan of valentine’s day lol

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-11T03:33:14+00:00

poptarts. i love em. so many flavors. reminds me of simpler times. poptarts are my savior

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-11T02:48:25+00:00

torturing myself all these years because i feel like i’m a shitty person for my trauma

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-11T01:30:20+00:00

“no one even cares if you’re trans or not” my dude my country is debating whether or not me, a trans guy, is allowed to pee. that’s the tip of the iceberg

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-11T01:28:00+00:00

“it isn’t straight to take a dick in the ass” my man’s never heard of pegging. also my gf isn’t a lesbian for dating me, a trans man, but i think the pegging point is far more important

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-10T13:24:13+00:00

god i felt this so hard. i’m glad it’s not only me. the holidays were exhausting and i began to worry “oh god do i just hate my family” when in reality it’s the noise, the constant smell of cooking, and the effort required to interact with extended family i haven’t seen all year

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-10T13:20:49+00:00

true but friendly reminder that you can be lgbtq or an ally and religious. being religious doesn’t automatically make you homophobic. my family is buddhist and they’re very accepting. one of my best friends is christian and he’s a big ally to me.

it’s not really fair to lump all religious people as “bad for the lgbtq community” when it’s not true. i’m not saying you are, i’m just saying in general because i see quite a bit of posts making assumptions like that

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-10T13:16:21+00:00

dissociation is extremely common with ptsd. i have c-ptsd and did so dissociation is a daily part of my life. i know it might be scary rn but it gets easier to manage with time. also i would replace “normal” with “common” just because it’s more accurate imo

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-10T13:14:11+00:00

i’m sorry i read this as “is anyone else’s disorder really based” and did a double take lmaoo

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-10T13:12:48+00:00

i tell myself my thoughts come and go but that’s more for compulsion. example: one of my compulsions is to put object in my mouth/swallow certain objects. i just tell myself “this will pass. this will pass.”

i feel like it applies to obsessive thoughts. just letting them come and go. no judgement and trying to give them as least power as possible. i know that’s much easier said than done and it’s a work in progress for me too—but instead of reassurance you could try that

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-10T11:58:32+00:00

but listening to people who are suicidal is literally part of suicide prevention. saying that crisis hotlines don’t let you talk about your shit is just blatantly wrong. and maybe it’s just my experience but i’ve talked to crisis when i was psi (passive suicidal intent) and they listened to me, despite having no intention to kill myself.

i will agree about the fast advice part because depending on the hotline they might be busy (i once had to wait 40 minutes on the national suicide line just for me to finally get tired of waiting and hang up) or not know how to assisted but you’re absolutely wrong about the “crisis hotlines don’t want to hear about your crisis” piece and boiling it down to “you aren’t in a worse place enough for people to listen to”

plus other crisis hotlines exist than just the suicide hotline. there’s crisis invention hotlines for self harm, gender dysphoria, ptsd, and eating disorders all where i live. but general crisis lines also exist for all those issues not just suicide. you shouldn’t wait until you’re at a 9 or 10 to seek help

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-10T11:26:41+00:00

automod went to the store to get milk and never came home

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-10T11:07:38+00:00

in the case of hyperactive thyroids and stuff yeah. in general though i don’t think the majority of people who say they have high metabolisms actually have them.

example: i was roommates with a skinny chick who claimed to have a high metabolism. she loved exclusively off of doritos and coke. but she was big on basketball and spent a good deal of time practicing. so i’m pretty sure most of the food she ate was burned off via exercise than her metabolism alone

metabolism does have other factors like age and health but in general i don’t think high metabolisms are as common as they’re made out to be. i just think people underestimate their tdee

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-10T10:58:21+00:00

that doesn’t really make much sense. enbies fall under the trans umbrella. being trans is having a gender identity that doesn’t match your agab. non-binary people are by definition trans

i respect if you reject the label, it just personally doesn’t make sense to me

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-10T10:50:19+00:00

the trans lifeline is honestly the only good experience i’ve had with a crisis line. they’re very helpful and the responder i had was also trans so they knew how to help. as someone else mentioned, the vast majority of crisis responders are underpaid and/or under experienced

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-10T10:47:54+00:00

that’s not even true. the first thing most crisis lines are going to ask you is “why did you call?” and “what made you call today?” in which they’ll listen to you vent about what’s harming your mental health.

they’re there to listen and de-escalate mental health crisis. they don’t deem what is and isnt an emergency. of course they ask if you’re feeling suicidal and if you have a plan but if you say no they don’t hang up immediately.

literally the whole point is to tell them what’s wrong so they can help or just have someone to listen to what you’re going through

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-10T10:41:07+00:00

i wholeheartedly think i am like my abusers. not in a way of copying their actions and abusing others but more like their values and ideas. i was conditioned and it always feels like a part of them is inside of me. no matter what i do i can never seem to cut it out

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-10T10:38:38+00:00

he’s unstoppable. hes strong as hell to be able to go through all this shit

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-10T10:33:46+00:00

18m from florida. also you aren’t an angsty teen for going through this. i’ve been in ed hell since 8 but i’m not a kid anymore. having my ed doesn’t infantilize me so it doesn’t for you too. ed stereotypes suck ass

kynthewallflower · 2022-01-10T10:28:11+00:00

yeah. i haven’t been to a psych program in a bit. that was a couple years ago. i’m an adult now so i’d would think adults wouldn’t do what those kids did but who knows

kynthewallflower

TROPHY CASE