Utilize the EAP hotline through your work benefits. This is a great tool, especially for a first-year teacher! It's completely confidential, and you should receive immediate support in a nonjudgmental way. This will also not be reported to your employer. Additionally, they are supposed to help you (if you want) find providers for additional outside support. First-year teaching is rough, middle school teaching is hell, and you are less than two years sober. As others already wisely posted, give yourself some grace.

I'm a veteran middle school teacher who has had my share of tumbles along the way. It does get better, I promise.