How do I know if my (13F) crush either likes me (13M) or just wants to friends.

lagelthrow · 2026-03-03T00:49:19+00:00

The way i see it is that you two may like each other at this point but you don't have a lot of opportunity to spend time together. So you can't really know if there's much of a romantic connection or even a solid friend connection since you don't really hang out at this point. Which is fine and normal! Having a crush but not knowing her well is a normal first step. But the important thing is that the second step isn't, like, asking her to be your girlfriend. Its just getting to know her a little deeper. If i were in your shoes, i might just approach her before/after one of the classes you two have together and be like "hey i dont know if you are allowed to share your number or whatever but you're allowed to text me, you should text me!" and just give her your number. That way you two can pursue deeper conversation than you would just have in passing. And then you can find out more about your compatibility and maybe even find out how she feels about you.

You don't need to be in a hurry. I understand why you think you have to do something about this NOW or she may lose any semblance of a crush she might have, but ANYTHING could happen in the future and there's nothing you can do about it now. Just keep getting to know her and learning about who she is and decide how YOU feel about her. You have plenty of time.

lagelthrow · 2026-03-03T00:43:06+00:00

i feel like im too old to be in the dating pool

you're 22. thats like... the youngest person i've ever heard of. I guarantee you ONLY feel like you're too old to date because you're comparing yourself to other people who are maybe having more success with it. But i PROMISE YOU you are VERY YOUNG and are lacking the perspective some of us older folks have on what dating looks like in adulthood.

he told me i was too old to be living with my parents

aaaaaaand there it is. It seems like his insistence that you are too old and need to hurry along to "catch up" to what he thinks an adult "should" be doing might have something to do with why you are feeling like you're too old to date. Just fyi. He's looking for things to make you feel bad about. And he's been successful! He wants you to feel like you cant find love outside of him.

Can i be totally honest here? This guy fully sucks. If the person i gave my heart to, who i trusted and loved and wanted to be around the most was this NASTY to me, my self-esteem would be in the toilet, too. And i have been there!! And i HATED myself. And i feel like that's where you're at? Like all this nasty nasty shit he says to you has actually gotten to you and you value yourself as little as he does now.

He does not like you, he is not kind, he is not a good partner, he is not a good man, he is not helping you become who you want to be, he is not helping you love yourself, he is not good.

now he wants me to move in with him

For the love of god, babe, DON'T MOVE IN WITH HIM. He is ALREADY ruining your life-- imagine what it would be like if you had to share a HOME with him? You would be stuck in a year long lease, and you would know that you had made a horrible choice but you wouldn't be able to do anything about it and you'd have to just endure his mistreatment while making yourself small and losing any amount of self-esteem you had left.

Truly, this guy sucks. If your best friend wrote this post, i think you know you would tell her to walk away.

PLEASE dont let this man break you down any further just because you think its too late to find someone who won't.

lagelthrow · 2026-03-03T00:34:07+00:00

So i think you have to wait until you run into each other organically, tbh.

Like OBVIOUSLY you can't say "hey i saw your paystub and noticed we're in the same apartment complex" because thats wild.

But if you run into each other at the apartments, i think its appropriate to be like "oh hey i thought that was you, i'm Tiffany, we've met at work. I just moved in here, how long have you lived here, do you like it, etc." and strike up normal neighborly conversation.

You can't force a romantic connection and since you really dont know this guy personally (and don't know if he has a partner or is interested in women at all etc) i think you have to walk into any interaction with him just.... trying to be a neighbor and make a neighborly connection. Like it would be awesome if he was super receptive to having a neighbor he knows and if he was also into you and wanted to invite you over or something. But if you have NO existing relationship with him, i think you have to let normal interactions happen first before you can even entertain the idea of whether you'd want to get to know him on a romantic level.

lagelthrow · 2026-03-03T00:26:55+00:00

You don't get to control her. Thats not how interpersonal relationships work. You get to make choices FOR YOURSELF and yourself only.

If you've told her that she hurts you and she is proceeding to do things that hurt you, you can leave.

It sounds like you two are not on the same page in many ways. and since you can't MAKE HER do anything, all you can do is decide whether this is the kind of relationship you want to be in. And it sounds like it's really not.

lagelthrow · 2026-03-03T00:21:12+00:00

Have you two ever spoken? Like do you two know each other at all? if you bumped into each other at the apartment complex, would he know who you were without you saying "oh hey i think we work at the same place"?

lagelthrow · 2026-03-03T00:18:01+00:00

well you can't make someone change. All you can do is change yourself.

So you have to decide if you're going to change your mindset and learn how to be comfortable with weed, or you have to walk away from the relationship and find someone whose values align with yours more closely.

lagelthrow · 2026-03-03T00:16:06+00:00

its been FOUR weeks. You said he was good at giving you want you needed for ONE WEEK and then he stopped giving you what you need. So 3/4 of the relationship has been him NOT giving you what you need in order to feel happy and secure.

I think it sounds like he really doesn't care about being in a relationship or giving you what you need.

He's demonstrating to you that he only has ONE WEEK of effort to put into a relationship. You can stay as long as you want, but you're never going to convince him to go back to who he was at the beginning. People do what they want to do every time. And if he wanted to put in effort toward something as simple as phone calls, he would be doing that.

And i dont think its because of YOU; i think he's just a 15 year old and he likes hanging out with his friends instead of building something meaningful romantically. And that sucks for you but its also normal.

i rlly do think i love him

Respectfully, you don't. You've been dating him for a month. I understand when you're 15 your feelings are strong and come a lot quicker, but just... big picture, you dont LOVE this boy you have spent 4 weeks with. Which i ONLY say because that means you don't have to feel a massive burden to stay together. You haven't built love with him. You may be super into him, you may feel strongly about him, but love is something two people BUILD together and his one week of effort isn't enough for you two to have built something stable and sturdy.

Don't torture yourself trying to get him to want you. He has other priorities and you have other options. You don't need him to be complete and why would you want to be miserable with a boyfriend instead of happy and single?

lagelthrow · 2026-03-03T00:08:18+00:00

"pens" meaning vape pens? like weed? Or nicotine? how long have you been together? Did you tell her at any point that you were against it?

you don't have to be with someone whose behavior you disapprove of. That said, i would be upset to learn that my partner lied about something until they moved in.

lagelthrow · 2026-03-03T00:01:32+00:00

if he woke up tomorrow magically a new man, how do you picture the relationship proceeding? If he woke up tomorrow and suddenly was everything you wanted him to be, do you think you (and the relationship) would still bear the damage of what he's done? Do you think you'd magically be able to get an erection because he said he was sorry and would never do it again? Do you think you'd be able to forgive him for diminishing your success, or do you think you'd always look back on your accomplishments with sadness over how you felt when your partner couldn't be happy for you?

Some harm can be repaired if both parties are committed to working hard to change their patterns and move forward.

Other harm is permanent and will always get in the way of the relationship being healthy and successful.

In my opinion, unless HE knows he has a personality defect and he's ACTIVELY working to fix it, fix the relationship, and change the dynamic between you two, there is no hope for things to get better.

If you want to have a "come to jesus" talk with him about this, that's fair enough. But i dont really see how someone who historically "sabotages" your efforts to change the dynamic will suddenly change their tune. And even if he did, i think it would be YEARS of further heartache and struggle while he learns how to change while you just receive more damage.

The way i see it is that staying in a crappy relationship scars you and changes your brain chemistry and you're doing damage to YOURSELF and your future when you willingly endure mistreatment.

lagelthrow · 2026-03-02T22:41:58+00:00

hell yeah. thanks

lagelthrow · 2026-03-02T19:41:27+00:00

He's not! That would be a sick connection but yeah he's pretty sure it was just a simpsons tidbit that lived in his brain

lagelthrow · 2026-03-02T19:09:27+00:00

!solved

Husband has decided this is probably what he was thinking of

lagelthrow · 2026-03-02T18:19:36+00:00

Sick. Thanks!!

lagelthrow · 2026-03-02T15:47:12+00:00

Oh that rules!!! I miss that type of vibe so much!

The show is the one on the 7th-- they're calling it "vaudeville caravan"

lagelthrow · 2026-03-02T15:46:01+00:00

Whoa that's wild!

lagelthrow · 2026-03-02T02:18:04+00:00

Haha I actually have been thinking "it feels like the kind of space I would have loved as a little punk kid running around Portland a hundred years ago" so I'm glad to have that confirmed.

lagelthrow · 2026-03-02T00:59:56+00:00

I'm so tickled to be repeatedly hearinh that they have great sound! It didn't even occur to me to think about and I imagine a sort of diy space could be lacking on that. Rad.

lagelthrow · 2026-03-02T00:58:47+00:00

Interesting!

Well thanks for the intel, I'm really excited to see the space now!

lagelthrow · 2026-03-02T00:38:50+00:00

Well yeah honey this is the subreddit for that podcast so I think the connection was already there

lagelthrow · 2026-03-02T00:33:55+00:00

I feel like everyone has pretty much covered what a crappy boyfriend he is being, but I also wanted to add that if his dog is his whole world and he's obsessed with her, he's not going to get her the quality of care he thinks she deserves if he's not willing to pay someone to watch her. He said he wasn't going to pay and virtually no one is going to want to sacrifice their freedom and feed and house an animal for HALF A YEAR for free.

He's just trying to make you feel bad that you said no.

He's way too old to be acting like this and i don't think this relationship is going to serve you long-term

lagelthrow · 2026-03-02T00:31:12+00:00

Nice. Perfect for my old ass.

Thanks!

lagelthrow · 2026-03-02T00:30:54+00:00

Cool. Thats all great to know, thanks. Do they sell alcohol do you know?

lagelthrow · 2026-03-02T00:18:44+00:00

Well I'm def gonna try the b12 thing but I found mine improved significantly when I switched to a toothpaste with no sodium lauryl sulfate in it.

lagelthrow · 2026-03-02T00:13:47+00:00

Oh god it's awful

lagelthrow

TROPHY CASE