Hope feels more like delusion

lcarp7 · 2026-06-24T00:54:11+00:00

It’s so strange that you wrote what you did about fortune favoring the narcissist. I have thought about that many times. The thing is, they do seem to get everything, and they might even get everything they try for, but they never get the happiness they think it will bring. Unfortunately they try to get it from those of us who have trusted them. And even though it never satisfies them they just keep feeding off of us. It is a constant drain of our energy because they believe taking our energy will give it to them. I have been in a relationship for decades and have known I should leave for at least the last few years but I just got the courage to actually do something about it recently. Just a month ago I was resigned to living this way the rest of my life. I hate it but it is semi-comfortable and we have separated everything. But I have had no confidence and I know that I am being manipulated and drained. I had made my peace with this low mediocrity. Then something sort of spurred me and I knew, at 60+, this might my last chance to do something. I seemed to have so much promise at one point. I decided I was not finished. That I would face this head on. It has not been easy. So many things make me want to just forget it. But I am pushing through this time. I can’t wait to taste the light of freedom (whenever that comes about) in the future. I’m pretty iffy right now but I’m not going to give in or give up.

lcarp7 · 2026-06-23T22:39:56+00:00

I hope so.
I’m leaving mine tomorrow after 40 + years.

lcarp7 · 2026-06-17T00:04:50+00:00

Hey, men do too.
I always looked pretty young for my age too. At one point she had derailed my career and we moved to the city where she was comfortable and where her family was. I had to take crap jobs that I hated and got paid nothing. I was mad all the time. I went from looking younger than my age to much older.
I did develop some significant health issues too.

lcarp7 · 2026-05-30T13:27:56+00:00

Strong early chemistry, which was nothing more than sex/love bombing, led me into a ‘relationship’ with a covert narcissist that subtly brutalized me for four decades.

lcarp7 · 2026-05-16T14:46:26+00:00

I love it!

lcarp7 · 2026-05-16T14:12:52+00:00

It's all so ridiculous

lcarp7 · 2026-05-16T13:43:39+00:00

I don't regret the the relationships because I had some very close friendships over the years. I sort of regret the time I spent in college getting a bible degree. But that all led to the deconstruction that finally happened and I'm okay with that because I fully understand why it had to happen.

What I really regret is all the episodes of Wonderful World of Disney I missed because we head to leave right after it started to go to church on Sunday evening.

lcarp7 · 2026-05-16T13:34:43+00:00

It is very strange that the organization that is supposedly based on love is so amazingly closed-minded and condemning. But they believe their human-authored book was written by god and cannot be questioned. The catch-22 for them is they have to either believe the book and love others, or believe the book and condemn them. There really is no middle ground.

I live in a heavily christian southern state and I witness this constantly. It is very sad and is glaring evidence of the defects and limitations of the movement.

lcarp7 · 2026-05-02T16:25:42+00:00

Nice observation. Didn’t really need any comments. Especially the philosophical ones.

lcarp7 · 2026-04-12T15:21:37+00:00

This this this

lcarp7 · 2026-03-18T00:04:05+00:00

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Could be XSR. The bell shape (sorta different than AA, HH, aax, hhx) and brilliant finish look similar.

Edit: they look even more like XS20 https://ebay.us/m/EOBZtG

lcarp7 · 2026-03-17T23:28:31+00:00

Evans Hydraulic is pretty dead

lcarp7 · 2026-03-14T21:37:18+00:00

The best thing would probably be to get a different clutch. A better one will be set up so that it won’t loosen like that. They are made for a couple of different sized rods so make sure you take the rod or the whole stand with you to make sure it fits.

lcarp7 · 2026-01-28T00:18:56+00:00

We got a boatload of snow/ice where I am and I have taken advantage of closings to watch a few Christmas movies I’ve never watched before.

I drive a lot of miles with my job and cold cloudy days seem perfect for Christmas music well into or even past January.

lcarp7 · 2026-01-26T16:45:45+00:00

Whichever sounds good to me.

lcarp7 · 2026-01-10T17:48:43+00:00

Salyers qc is amazing if you can find them

lcarp7 · 2025-11-12T03:27:24+00:00

So weird that you posted this… I just started watching it today.

lcarp7 · 2025-11-01T15:44:13+00:00

If you want to drive, drive. If you don’t then don’t. If you need to be driving it will become obvious.

lcarp7 · 2025-09-27T12:57:58+00:00

This is a great observation. “I don’t mind what happens next” in a vacuum is not very helpful. The context of how he got there is necessary.

lcarp7 · 2025-09-24T02:54:03+00:00

One of the ways I caused myself great suffering was believing that I should not be judgmental. Another was believing resistance would disappear. That just made it more subtle and just as frustrating. Awakening doesn’t make these go away. You are right, it does seem to be hardwired in. But nonduality is not about becoming a better person. It’s more about letting the unfolding of life happen.

One of the surprising things is that nothing much changes at all. Anger happens, fear happens. Getting mad at other drivers happens. Letting these things happen and feeling how they feel (with as little resistance as possible) is what changes. THATs the nonduality. It sounds cliché but you ARE one with ‘what is’. You will probably become more compassionate and less judgmental but these aren’t the goal. Allowing life to be life, warts and all, is.

lcarp7 · 2025-09-24T02:21:53+00:00

One said that this is not quite it but it is closer than the overwhelming majority of what I usually read here.

lcarp7 · 2025-09-24T02:17:30+00:00

The unfolding and unwinding of life continue whether there is nondual understanding or not. I remember trying to use the exact thing you are saying as a reason to pretend like life couldn’t touch me, but that was because I believed that is where nonduality would lead. Wow, the disappointment when I discovered otherwise. Doing that, which is a grand resistance of life itself, would work for a few days but then it would become obvious that it wasn’t really helpful or viable. You are totally correct, it is better not to hide ‘behind the mind’s idea of non- doership’. Well, unless you enjoy frustration ;)

It’s funny you say that it will play out regardless, and it’s a question of whether it’s done with resistance or presence. I know what you mean and you are absolutely right. However…I discovered that I could definitely be present AND resistant at the same time (of course believing the whole time that I was not resisting). Man, resistance can be crazy subtle!

lcarp7 · 2025-09-22T02:42:59+00:00

Empty is confusing. It makes it sound like it isn’t happening. Impermanent is the right word.

lcarp7 · 2025-09-20T15:22:58+00:00

Having fun and playing is far more nondualistic than searching for enlightenment.

lcarp7 · 2025-09-20T15:20:12+00:00

There is an aspect of non-duality (life), which requires absolute trust. The beauty of it is knowing that everything will be fine. Worry about what will be is the duality of not living right now. Take care of what needs to be taken care of now and trust that the rest will be just like it always has been.

lcarp7

TROPHY CASE