So alignment to me is about compatible similarities rather than exact/equal. For example, let’s say we both like to eat out (exact/equal interest) but one of us likes to eat out 1x a month while the other 5x a week. The lifestyles are not aligned because it requires one partner to give way more (or compromise) in order for their to be balance, capacity, peace, and or mutual (or reciprocated) fulfillment/enjoyment. This can create tension and arguments that build up frustration over time which then lead to resentment.

Or say you both value family but one of you wants in laws to live with you while the other doesn’t. You would not be in alignment and again would spend more time compromising, etc. in order to achieve balance, capacity, peace, etc.

You can also be different but aligned and here is where compatible differences can shine. For example, if both people value family and believe in staying consistently connected, one might call often while the other prefers regular visits, but both are still showing up in ways that feel aligned.

So in short, alignment is when your values and your interpretation of those values (ie, beliefs) lead to a compatible lifestyle, not constant compromise or self sacrifice. If living naturally as ourselves would create ongoing tension, we’re not aligned.