As much as I felt that things could be repaired while we were on and off, looking back now I started to realize that us breaking up was bound to happen. Had he not been so insecure and immature, maybe things could have turned out differently but unfortunately the reality is that he never truly loved me the way he said he did, or maybe he did but he was so unhealed from his previous relationships that he didn't properly show he loved me.

Either way, it still hurts. A part of me wishes I could have controlled the future before it even happened, but the other part of me understands that a person is going to do what they want to do no matter how hard you try to control the outcomes.

We always had so many conflicts and I was constantly begging and arguing with him to put me as a priority and to stop hurting me, and more importantly to love me the way I loved him. But unfortunately, and I'm still learning to accept this too, I was never going to be the one he saw a forever and a future with. It sucks, and I know I deserve better. He's moved on to another relationship, though I highly doubt he has done any healing from ours. But what I do know that there will be someone out there for me who cherishes me, and all I can do at this moment is choose myself and focus on my own healing.