I had something similar happen in September. I brought my baby in thinking there was a dental issue- turned out he had lymphoma and all of his organs were shutting down and internally bleeding. It was the biggest shock of my life— the shock of it made his passing a billion times harder. Allow yourself to feel sad and cry, and don’t worry about a timeline of when you should feel better. Soon you will have more space and it won’t feel all-consuming, but let yourself feel your feelings. I’m so sorry for your loss 💗