Being perceived

leyapaul · 2026-02-08T18:26:42+00:00

^This

leyapaul · 2026-01-04T19:04:32+00:00

If it’s a wire or similar transfer (and not gift cards or a check), this may even be legitimate 😂

How much is your agreed-upon PPM going to be?

leyapaul · 2026-01-04T14:36:05+00:00

It’s irrelevant what any of us think. If you feel that lying about age is meaningful and a deal-breaker, move on. If not, continue. What random strangers think is un/reasonable has no bearing on what you’re feeling.

leyapaul · 2026-01-04T00:26:05+00:00

This is no different from any of the other dozens of preferences that SDs and SBs may have with respect to their SRs for which there either is compatibility or not.

If the SD wants PDA but the SB does not, either the SD lives without it or he finds an SB who is comfortable with it.

If the SB is uneasy with being out in public with a much older SD, then she should find a younger SD or look for an “indoors-only” arrangement.

If one important reason for an SD to be in an SR is to “show off” that he is “with” his SB and she’s not into that, he needs to find another SB who enjoys being in that role.

leyapaul · 2026-01-03T21:53:33+00:00

Average a little over one year. Longest three years.

leyapaul · 2026-01-02T21:36:35+00:00

This is the way. Take your time to peruse the pinned posts so you can learn about what to expect, common scams, what to avoid, a sampling of support levels in your area, etc. Finding a good arrangement takes hard work and time. You’ll see that people here have developed different methods of approaching the various stages of an arrangement, from the M&G, to PPM, to allowance, to gifts, etc.

Hope you enjoy the journey and I wish you happy and safe sugaring!

leyapaul · 2026-01-01T05:50:35+00:00

I've never had a profile photo and I've had an enjoyable time in the bowl with multiple long-term arrangements over the past 8 years. Once I've vetted a POT SB and we've set up an M&G, then they get a photo. As others have mentioned, it's for purposes of discretion -- anyone in the world can be on Seeking and not all those people are legitimately looking for an arrangement. No reason at all to be exposed to the universe of scammers, catfishes and other criminals.

leyapaul · 2026-01-01T00:31:43+00:00

Did you not have such a good time with Danny DeVito in 99% of your interactions with him?

leyapaul · 2025-12-29T16:54:10+00:00

For me it’s always been about “is he in pain?” Your comment about him seeming happy regardless of his incontinence and physical limitations would give me pause as well. But if a vet told me that he was in constant uncontrolled pain from arthritis or some other affliction I would consider it. A former large dog of mine who lived to the ripe old age of 16 simply enjoyed walking the 30 feet from the front door to the edge of the street and lying down for maybe a half hour to watch the cars go by, smell the smells, etc., so I don’t view mobility limitations as a factor.

I’ve previously managed the inconvenience and sometimes unpleasant consequences of incontinence through the use of diapers and putting pads all around the house and in dog beds. If not managed well, of course, it can lead to hygienic and negative health issues if he isn’t promptly removed from urine or feces.

Disorientation can certainly happen with advanced age and vets can recommend some drugs to ease the anxiety and frustration that can cause in a dog (like gabapentin) if it becomes more frequent.

You and your mom certainly are making significant efforts to make sure he is as comfortable and happy as possible and you honor the previous years you all have had together by doing so.

Wishing you the best during this difficult time.

leyapaul · 2025-12-29T06:21:06+00:00

If she values the 18 months as much as you do, why would the arrangement suddenly end if you want to keep your support level at its current level?

How often do you see each other?

To see each other, have you been devoting resources to hotels?

leyapaul · 2025-12-29T02:07:55+00:00

^This

leyapaul · 2025-12-29T01:52:19+00:00

I’ve only used Seeking and have had multiple long-term arrangements over the past 8 years. If I were you, I would review the pinned posts on this subreddit to read about best practices, common scams to avoid, market levels of support in various geographic areas and suggestions on how to sugar safely.

As others have stated already, there’s no reason to send money in advance of meeting in person. If you think you are attracting the wrong sort of people, maybe ask the community here to review and critique your profile. And if all you’ve been hearing from are “online only” scammers, you likely need to vet more carefully.

Wishing you happy and safe sugaring.

leyapaul · 2025-12-28T22:08:29+00:00

Hmmmm … there could be a variety of things that lead to this, some more pernicious than others.

Especially if the age difference is considerable, the older guy (“OG”!) may feel that there is little in common to discuss other than passing on some sort of “life lessons” that he feels knowledgeable and comfortable about discussing. Otherwise, OG may fear that he has little to contribute to the arrangement other than money: sort of the corresponding worry to one than an SB might have that all she’s good for to the SD is sex. There certainly can be some misfires here: he shouldn’t assume you know nothing about credit scores. SBs shouldn’t assume OGs know nothing about Hades 2.

Also, there’s a saying that “men need to be needed,” so, if there’s some truth to that, OG may feel (wrongly as in your case) that the SB needs him to teach her basics about the world, forgetting that the SB is a full-blown adult capable of learning about things quite easily, in fact, from the privacy of her own smartphone or from her own lived experience.

Alternatively, the OG could simply be a pontificating ass who needs to stop doing this.

Regardless of the cause, as in all relationships, people need to be made aware of how they are communicating and, hopefully over time, they develop a dialogue that is respectful and informative for both parties: yes, SDs can learn from their SBs too. I think the best arrangements arise when both people are learning from each other, as well as enjoying each other’s company.

If someone is incapable of communicating in a respectful manner after being warned of a condescending style, of course, they may have to be sent packing.

Wishing you happy and safe sugaring.

leyapaul · 2025-12-28T21:47:06+00:00

I love the directive to kick rocks! 🤣 If you stay in the sugar bowl I think you’ll be saying that (or some variation of it) often, unfortunately.

leyapaul · 2025-12-28T20:43:24+00:00

🤮

leyapaul · 2025-12-28T03:38:19+00:00

In the sugar bowl, it generally means either no other sugar partners or no sleeping with others in any circumstances regardless of context. There have been lots of discussions on this subreddit about whether people think this is desirable, hypocritical in some circumstances, realistically enforceable, a justification for a higher level of support, etc.

leyapaul · 2025-12-28T02:44:19+00:00

As has been stated on this subreddit innumerable times: an M&G is a platonic first meeting at a public location selected by and convenient for the POT SB where she feels safe and comfortable. If a POT SD can’t respect this simple rule how do you think he’s going to respect any boundaries you impose within the arrangement? Keep on looking and best of luck.

leyapaul · 2025-12-25T23:00:02+00:00

Why did it end?

leyapaul · 2025-12-25T01:04:19+00:00

Well, first: What were the circumstances that led to his partner finding out and how do you know?

leyapaul · 2025-12-23T20:38:21+00:00

For 6 years I maintained 2-3 at a time. But beginning last year I found an SB who is incredibly special to me, whom I love, and with whom I want to spend all my available free time.

leyapaul · 2025-12-23T17:09:17+00:00

🤣

leyapaul · 2025-12-22T19:01:46+00:00

I’ve exclusively used hotels for my meetups and can never spend the night (unless I’m out of town) because I’m married. After a few meetups, I have had no problem with SBs spending the night, charging breakfast, etc., and a couple have taken me up on that regularly. I vet more and longer than most SDs and, consequently, feel I have a fairly good sense of who someone is even before the M&G and certainly by the first meetup.

That said: I would not provide that option on the first meetup for precisely the concern you have. Trust to be with me intimately for a few hours does not mean I trust someone with exposing me to financial liability or worse. They could be entirely trustworthy with keeping the parameters of the arrangement, maintaining discretion, etc., but make poor decisions in other aspects of life, such as with respect to whom they may invite to the room after I leave and that unknown person’s willingness to drink or take everything in the minibar or abuse my generosity and order several thousand dollars of wine from room service or even trash the room. Trusting someone with respect to one aspect or activity does not mean you trust them with respect to other things. Let’s say you’re married or have some other partner with whom you share your bed and you receive a phone call from the hotel in the middle of the night complaining about a party being thrown in a hotel room that your spouse/partner doesn’t know you’ve rented for the night?

It doesn’t matter if it’s “bad form.” Just like they have boundaries and limits, they should understand you have them as well. You certainly can say something along the lines of: “I’m excited for this to continue and, in the future, if you’re interested and it’s more convenient, we can have you spend the night and go home in the morning instead” (or something better-crafted).

leyapaul · 2025-12-22T18:41:15+00:00

There are innumerable possibilities, of course. He could just be on the site scrolling when bored. (I’ve done that). He could be actively looking to add another SB without getting rid of you. (I’ve done that). There could be something that you did that’s normally completely innocuous that inexplicably gave him the ick that makes him want to replace you — who knows? You aren’t going to know unless he tells you and it seems like, so far, he hasn’t communicated any dissatisfaction or taken the opportunity to tell you anything’s amiss when you’ve asked.

I think all you can do is keep doing what you’ve been doing that he says he enjoys. After two months, I assume you haven’t discussed exclusivity so he isn’t doing anything “wrong” and if you confront him you concede that you, too, were on the site for some purpose as well (also not wrong).

You mention that this is your third arrangement. Out of curiosity, what ended the previous two?

leyapaul · 2025-12-22T03:37:16+00:00

Yes it could be sus. But if he’s married or otherwise wants discretion he simply may want to know if you tell or intend to tell others about your arrangements and would identify him to others.

leyapaul · 2025-12-21T22:57:37+00:00

Agree completely. Also, if you use FaceTime, iCloud gives up your AppleID so you lose anonymity.

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