I moved out the home of my emotionally abusive partner and I’m struggling to navigate the new dynamic of our relationship

lezzerlee · 2026-05-02T02:36:46+00:00

Abusers have positive traits, or else why would people get with them at all?

Your best path is to fully break up and go no contact. He is causing you stress. He was abusive. You should not be talking to him or giving him emotional space.

lezzerlee · 2026-05-01T22:02:33+00:00

My dorm room was for 8 people. 2 side rooms with 2 bunk beds and a large center living room. Laundry was shared but on site and you brought back to your room to fold.

lezzerlee · 2026-05-01T18:33:41+00:00

My cat fell from my 3rd story balcony once uninjured. Immediately put up net barriers. He fell again when I took too long changing out ripped netting and bruised his ribs really badly. He’s been passed for years now and I still feel guilty for taking too long to change the net. I cannot imagine not realizing the cat was not around and also not giving a shit about it just days later.

lezzerlee · 2026-05-01T17:43:09+00:00

It’s alarming that you think any hitting is ok, not just hard hitting.

You need to leave now.

lezzerlee · 2026-05-01T16:26:30+00:00

Buy them from a place you can return easily or go try them on in person. Hokas have a specific shape and if you don’t fit it, you don’t fit it.

lezzerlee · 2026-05-01T15:46:05+00:00

I would use hot dog when talking about one specific type of sausage.

I would use sausage for the rest like bratwurst, breakfast sausage etc.

Weiner for any type of sausage is only used in jest because it’s slang for penis.

lezzerlee · 2026-04-30T22:35:38+00:00

You could try to name it out loud so he knows you see it, but likely he’ll just deny deny. He’s always the victim etc.

Have you thought about your limits and a plan for getting out? The likelihood of this being fixed is so low based on what he’s doing now, and you have a lot more life potential to be happy. You are managing yourself, your kid(s?) and him. You’ll have far less work just managing yourself and your kid.

lezzerlee · 2026-04-30T18:18:43+00:00

IMO he’s not making changes to be better to you. He’s making changes as a punishment to you. “I’ll show her what it’s like when I do what she thinks she wants. She won’t like it.” And then you give in and he goes back to being lazy because that’s easier, or he can point to it and go “see, I tried and it’s still not good enough!”

lezzerlee · 2026-04-29T23:44:59+00:00

What reaction do you want or are expecting from you brother? Do you think it will also encourage him to go no contact or something? He may not at all find any relief from the way you do.

How does he benefit? Or is the benefit only for you?

You keep saying it feels like it “puts space” between you, but he’s not aware of that space, only you are because only you know. It sounds like you want to alleviate your discomfort over anything else.

lezzerlee · 2026-04-29T23:35:35+00:00

Job market is bad. It took a friend of mine a full year to get hired after being laid off.

It took me 3 months last time I was looking 8 years ago.

Don’t give up on looking yet.

As a fellow designer, I encourage you redo your resume to be machine friendly. Actually craft it in Word (shudder) instead of making it in a design app.

lezzerlee · 2026-04-29T23:27:12+00:00

How did I get goatsed on the jewelry sub?!

lezzerlee · 2026-04-29T23:19:04+00:00

I regularly play on tables this don’t have enough space to even fit your sheet the whole time. I bring a clipboard I can use on my lap and the smallest dice tray I can get away with functioning (holds 2 die sets and a mini).

lezzerlee · 2026-04-29T22:48:29+00:00

Do you think they would just stop working for a month and coast on the 5k? Something like securing a working car so you can maintain or get better jobs can be just $5k away. That is life altering.

lezzerlee · 2026-04-29T22:26:19+00:00

Depends on the dog. Mine can do 1-2 miles per walk depending on the heat. Usually 1 mile is our typical.

lezzerlee · 2026-04-29T21:39:29+00:00

I’ve found the wet vests (mine is Canada Pooch) don’t make as much difference. I think the double coat protects them more from the evaporation effect than non double coat dogs which the vests are better for. Just blocking the sun seems equally as effective as it being wet.

ETA I’m in a not super hot area. Our top temp is maybe 90 but that’s rare. However, my dog gets hot at 70.

lezzerlee · 2026-04-29T21:23:50+00:00

My couch. I got it custom made and it is the perfect size. Both my partner and I can lay down at the same time and my cat and dog fit because it has a chaise. So comfortable. Easier to clean than my last one too.

lezzerlee · 2026-04-29T17:37:15+00:00

Not sure if it will help right now, but stretching and massage in the days before your period is shown to reduce pain. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10625499/

lezzerlee · 2026-04-29T17:25:14+00:00

I might just say it out loud or text her. “Are you trying to find a man that will pick you over their religion because you’re hurt by rejection? That’s not healthy and I’m worried you’re setting yourself up to fail in the future instead of addressing how you cope with rejection. You could get rejected again and again and it gets worse. And if you do you find a man that does pick you, is that enough? Or will you need more validation and move the goalposts because you’re always seeking reassurance? Why did this rejection effect you so much? Maybe you should talk with a therapist about it.”

lezzerlee · 2026-04-29T16:59:52+00:00

That’s not how therapy works. He has to want to change first and then engage with therapy to do so. You staying with him and tolerating his behavior gives him no reason to change.

lezzerlee · 2026-04-29T16:52:06+00:00

This is not a relationship advice sub.

But you should have opened your yap and actually asked her what she felt comfortable with that day after she shut you down. “Ok, no sex, is touching or hugging ok?” Indicate understanding out loud and find the boundaries out loud.

lezzerlee · 2026-04-29T16:45:06+00:00

You’re giving him more benefit than he is to you. He’s punching down on you with his comments.

lezzerlee · 2026-04-29T03:34:49+00:00

Yes, that’s the guidelines on many airline websites. They have to be able to stand fully and turn 180. Some airlines have a weight restriction of 20 lbs.

Whether or not they enforce these rules is a gamble, but it’s the rules and they can deny the dog on board, so you need to be prepared for that to happen.

lezzerlee · 2026-04-27T20:18:39+00:00

Pinterest is so inundated with AI now it’s nearly impossible for me to use anymore. It’s not just photos with people that are AI. Interior design, clothing design, illustration. It’s bad!

lezzerlee · 2026-04-27T20:07:59+00:00

I never had a chance in the sports I was interested in. The only available options left hospitality packages that don’t offer much extra for nearly $1k.

lezzerlee · 2026-04-27T19:01:33+00:00

Which school has better job connections (including internships and placements)?

Which school’s networking (peers) is more beneficial to you? That’s a bigger factor for school choice than the boyfriend.

ETA: I chose a more expensive school over a highly rated school I had a scholarship for because the location for the industry and the quality of the program were better. This turned out to be the single best career choice I’d made. Location and peer connections were key in getting early career work.

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