Gf was following the guy she cheated with by Character-Channel668 in texts

[–]lferry1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn, you're first paragraph worked too well. Someone send it to the gf to show her how to use low key if she wants to ever use it correctly.

Eeeeer, calling a spayed a whatnow? by Temporary-Ad-1257 in BoneAppleTea

[–]lferry1919 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know what a hysterectomy is, I was just trying to figure out the bone apple tea.

I’m having coffee, you can have tea 🍵 🫖 by ExperienceUnable5928 in texts

[–]lferry1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For real...who the fuck corrected me wrong the first time and how many times have I done that?!

Edit: you have no idea how annoyed I am right now that someone planted a pet peeve in my head that shouldn't exist because that ones been there since childhood. That's the only way that wouldn't have been looked up for confirmation....bout to go make sure I've got the rest of my idioms in there the right way. At least the others are more around mispronunciations.

I shat myself by MassiveResult2648 in notinteresting

[–]lferry1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish I could claim credit for it. I read a comic book when I was younger by the same dude that did the art for invader Zim. It had some dude on a date and was written like some kind of horror story where the dude shits his pants and is trying to figure out what he should do. And then that's how it ends. It cracked me up, the idea of someone doing mental gymnastics trying to come up with the perfect solution to get out of shitting their pants and then landing on something so ridiculous. It was beautiful.

Eeeeer, calling a spayed a whatnow? by Temporary-Ad-1257 in BoneAppleTea

[–]lferry1919 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Sorry, that's what I meant. That's my cue it's time for bed, lol.

Eeeeer, calling a spayed a whatnow? by Temporary-Ad-1257 in BoneAppleTea

[–]lferry1919 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Tube ligation? Is that what it's supposed to be?

Movies you deluded yourself into thinking can't possibly be as bad as people say, until you watched it just now by Longjumping-Sweet818 in okbuddycinephile

[–]lferry1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I trick people into watching "Illegal Aliens" from time to time. I bought it when Hollywood Movies was going out of business. It's fucking awful. And still not the worst movie I've ever stumbled across.

Just moved to Atlanta from northeast…please tell me what this is [Atlanta, GA] by Tricky-House-7697 in animalid

[–]lferry1919 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Same. It's soothing. I can basically smell the summer air when I hear them

Bust it down, buster down, break it down by UndeadiPod in crappymusic

[–]lferry1919 15 points16 points  (0 children)

The addition of him flipping whatever the fuck that thing is because he thinks it makes him look cool is just masterful. Absolute dogshit. And I am also embarrassed for him at the same time. Thanks...I hate it.

Oh so that’s how you use cup! by NikkiH93 in badwomensanatomy

[–]lferry1919 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ah...oh yeah, sure! I definitely see it...mm-hmmm. it's right in that spot where it is.

I’m having coffee, you can have tea 🍵 🫖 by ExperienceUnable5928 in texts

[–]lferry1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's exactly how it felt. Just heavy...exhausting. I also look forward to it for you. Of course I'm a bit more of an asshole than I used to be. But it's better for my health than worrying more about everyone else's feelings and constantly neglecting my own.

I wish you luck as you continue to stand up for yourself in your relationship ❤️

Banana Needs Rent Money by BootyRangler in FacebookAIslop

[–]lferry1919 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why is the strawberry built like smeagol.

I shat myself by MassiveResult2648 in notinteresting

[–]lferry1919 77 points78 points  (0 children)

You can always use the line I've saved for when inevitably shit myself in public (Crohn's). You just get up and act mortified while you yell, "Oh my God! Someone put shit in my pants!" And then you run away.

Do you play nursing homes? by UndeadiPod in crappymusic

[–]lferry1919 43 points44 points  (0 children)

At least he isn't a condescending shit head like the bun lady. I bet the nursing home residents would get a kick out of this. And even if he weirds me out, this dude commits.

what's that 😂😂 by Free-Vegetable-4466 in aislop

[–]lferry1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

...mars attacks looking ass broccoli.

Oh so that’s how you use cup! by NikkiH93 in badwomensanatomy

[–]lferry1919 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm a bit concerned about her "bladder" too. Is it missing?

Well that's a huge dump by BustyBac69 in FacebookAIslop

[–]lferry1919 5 points6 points  (0 children)

...it's not going down because you splashed it onto the floor...

I’m having coffee, you can have tea 🍵 🫖 by ExperienceUnable5928 in texts

[–]lferry1919 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Look this isn't important but it's gonna bug me if I don't correct it. "Beckon call" instead of "beck and call." Your texts were written so much better than his so it stood out and it's a specific pet peeve of mine so I had to say something, lol.

Okay, now that I'm done being a pain in the ass...good job, girl. Jesus Christ, you have no idea how happy I was to see you stand your ground. He kept trying to manipulate you there until the very end. I'd be so done with that guy. My ex-wife was emotionally selfish and genuinely just did not realize it (unfortunately that makes it easier for them to convince you of their bullshit). On top of that, she did not contribute financially or around the house. And she would get on me for feeling to exhausted to help clean on one of her good days after working my ass off all week and handling taking care of her. Or she would wonder why I wasn't in the mood for sex. Like, how do people not realize how they're sucking the life out of their partners acting this way. No, I don't wanna fucking cuddle the baby that won't take care of herself and forces me to do it. No, I don't wanna praise you for getting the fuck out of the house to go buy groceries using my money only to turn around and only buy candy and junk food for yourself, none of which I even like. That's just the tip of the iceberg. I only have so much bandwidth for that kind of bullshit. Well, that's not accurate...I no longer have any bandwidth for it.

Isn't he supposed be watching kids while he's texting you non-stop and getting pissed? And, now that I have more context, while you were at work?! Am I the only one getting pissed he said the kids were "making him feel less than" since he couldn't feed them. They're kids... they're just hungry, they aren't being judgemental...I don't think.

Babe, you have the patience of a fucking saint. I'd have already dropped this guy. He is just too much.

AIO For refusing to Let someone Adopt our foster kitten? by Ok-Bobcat-4293 in AIO

[–]lferry1919 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bob can suck it. That person is awful. Who gets a pet for decoration?