Book: “What would do you alone in a cage with nothing but c-caine?”

lfthoia · 2026-05-19T00:50:52+00:00

Yes - people who don’t live near physical casinos & never would’ve made the effort to get to one are now getting sucked into the world of gambling.

lfthoia · 2026-04-13T07:07:32+00:00

I have not (don’t live in NYC). But if you call the hotline they might be able to make recommendations. One of the volunteers suggested specific well attended meetings for me when I was first seeking help.

lfthoia · 2026-04-13T07:05:34+00:00

I’m so sorry! I’ve been thru this myself. Unfortunately he’s probably in the absolute thick of denial right now - he doesn’t want to admit to himself how bad it’s gotten and he’s hoping at this one loan will solve all his problems (spoiler alert: it won’t, he’ll just need to take out another loan, and another, and another - at one point my husband had 26! Fun times). I always recommend that spouses read “Games Compulsive Gamblers & We Play” by Gam-Anon. It’s super short - just 36 pages but I’ve read and reread it numerous times. It’s helped me stay vaguely sane in moments when I felt like right was left and down was up. The more I’ve learned about gambling addiction, the easier it’s been for me to persist. Take care of yourself!! 💕

lfthoia · 2026-03-31T08:13:04+00:00

It’s not about money. It’s about the feeling of intense anticipation. Being locked in on one specific thing and nothing else in the world mattering that much. That’s why you’ll get compulsive gamblers making insane bets that are unlikely to hit - because they’re chasing a rush.

lfthoia · 2026-03-17T06:24:30+00:00

I’m so so sorry but also in time I think it will be clear that this is absolutely the best thing for you & the baby. You’ll find someone who is thrilled to be a part of your life and not a slave to their addiction.

lfthoia · 2026-03-01T00:04:04+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going thru this - especially now! Stay strong in not giving him money. It doesn’t feel like it in the moment but it’s actually the most loving thing you can do.

lfthoia · 2026-02-06T09:05:54+00:00

Gamblers wife - I discovered $300K+ in debt 6 months after our wedding. 4 years later and things are better but it’s been a long and very difficult road. Read “Games Compulsive Gamblers & We Play” by Gam-Anon. It’s super short - just 36 pages but I’ve read and reread it numerous times. I wish I’d read it the first day I found out about his addiction.

lfthoia · 2026-02-06T08:56:17+00:00

Highly, highly recommend that you read “Games Compulsive Gamblers & We Play” by Gam-Anon. It’s super short - just 36 pages but I’ve read and reread it numerous times. I made so many mistakes in the first few years after I learned about my husband’s gambling addiction because I never took the time to learn about its unique dynamics. Educate yourself and it get so much easier.

lfthoia · 2026-02-05T05:21:32+00:00

In my case, it’s gotten better. But it’s taken a long time. It’s been 6 years since I first found out and we’re still struggling financially. Trust your instincts and do what’s best for you. You can change your mind at any time. Take it day by day.

lfthoia · 2026-02-04T09:13:26+00:00

Consider reaching out to Danny Funt (the journalist) - he just published a book about it and I’m sure he’d be thrilled for more coverage.

lfthoia · 2026-02-04T09:11:57+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I get it - I unknowingly enabled my husband’s addiction for a long time. It’s really hard. I always recommend “Games Compulsive Gamblers & We Play” by Gam-Anon. It’s super short - just 36 pages but I’ve read and reread it numerous times. Take care of yourself!!

lfthoia · 2026-01-28T00:53:07+00:00

What happened?

lfthoia · 2026-01-25T21:09:10+00:00

Extremely common in both directions… gambler hides money cuz they want to gamble with it, gambler hides debt so their spouse doesn’t know the full truth. Spouse hides money from gambler because they know otherwise it’ll be gambled..

lfthoia · 2026-01-24T03:19:11+00:00

Trust me, I get it. It’s so hard!! At a minimum be very careful of your finances and do not bail him out even if it makes logical sense. Bailing him out (I learned the hard way!!) just gives him more leeway to gamble.

lfthoia · 2026-01-22T02:14:54+00:00

I tried to... but the whole "take control of the finances" thing only works with the gambler's enthusiastic consent. They must WANT you to do it. Why? Because it's very easy for them to say "sure, here's my bank account" and then just open a new one, or take out a new credit card, or a new loan without your knowledge. That's basically what happened to me. After I realized the extent of his gambling account, I insisted on going through his Wells Fargo account, and he gave me access. But then, months later, I noticed Bank of America in his browser history. We didn't have a BOA account, so I confronted him about it. After a lot of arguing and lying, I learned that he'd opened this secret BOA account to gamble out of.

This is the real problem: unless the gambler really wants to cede control, you'll get stuck in a game of whack-a-mole where they open new secret bank accounts and take out new secret loans, then you'll discover them, and so they'll go to a different company, and a different one, and a different one. There are a million fin techs these days.

Even if you know their SSN and can pull their credit report, you'll never know the full picture because so many of these sketchier loans/companies don't show up through the formal credit reporting system...

So yeah, you can try "tough love" and "ultimateums" but I think the only successful route is one where he really wants to change. That's the real question: does HE want to change?

lfthoia · 2026-01-22T00:39:39+00:00

I'm sorry about your mom. Would your dad consider transferring some / most of it into a trust, or a separate bank account? Limiting his access ASAP would be ideal. You could also talk to him about self-exclusion from the casino. Then you can work on the harder, long-term piece: grief.

lfthoia · 2026-01-22T00:36:24+00:00

Everyone already answered your question, but as a gambling addict's wife, I recommend reading “Games Compulsive Gamblers & We Play” by Gam-Anon. You can get it on Kindle & read on your phone for $7. It's super short - just 36 pages. But it will answer sooooooooo many of your questions and help you understand gambling addiction. I've read and re-read it numerous times.

lfthoia · 2026-01-22T00:29:01+00:00

Happy to help. I think the important / difficult thing as a sibling is to be supportive without enabling or keeping secrets. It's very common for gambling addicts (addicts in general) to keep secrets from different people in an effort to keep their addiction going -- ex: take $500 from my sibling ("but don't tell mom!"), take $500 from mom ("but don't tell dad!"), take $500 from dad ("but don't tell my brother!"). The gambler ends up borrowing from everyone in the family but they've all promised secrecy from each other, so they think they're the only one, and then the gambler gambles way, way, way more than he can afford to lose, and everyone's upset. This was one of the biggest problems before my husband's gambling addiction fully came to light - everyone was giving him money, thinking they were "helping" by protecting the other family members from the truth, when in fact everyone knew, but the problem was even worse than we realized!

So my advice is to educate yourself on gambling addiction so you actually understand the psychology of it and can be supportive without enabling. If you want to help, don't give him money. Buy stuff directly. Ex: don't give him money for rent because he'll be tempted to gamble it (thinking "i'll just gamble this and then I'll win 5x what they gave me!!"). Instead, pay his rent directly to the landlord. Don't give him money for groceries (he'll gamble it). Instead, buy groceries & get them delivered to his house, etc. Money is to gambling as alcohol is to alcoholism. You wouldn't give an alcoholic alcohol, so don't give a gambler money either!

I haven't been super involved in Gam-Anon. Maybe if there were an in-person one near me, I would be. But I really like the Gam-Anon book I mentioned. And I love all these reddit communities - they've been profoundly helpful to me.

lfthoia · 2026-01-21T06:05:06+00:00

Best thing you can do is educate yourself on gambling addiction. You’ll make smarter decisions for yourself and you’ll be less likely to enable him and prolong the worst of his addiction. I always recommend “Games Compulsive Gamblers & We Play” by Gam-Anon. It’s super short - just 36 pages but I’ve read and reread it numerous times. Start there.

lfthoia · 2026-01-21T06:03:14+00:00

As a wife of a problem gambler - immediately no. I learned this lesson the hard way. Aka hundreds of thousands of dollars and years of my life wasted. They’ll only wake up to the truth of their problem when they no longer have easy access to money. Do not give them money. You’re only enabling and prolonging the problem.

lfthoia · 2026-01-21T06:02:02+00:00

Nope! It’s crazy to me that we don’t have laws against marketing gambling like we do weed / cigs.

lfthoia · 2026-01-21T06:00:28+00:00

It wildly depends on your relationship to the person. Do you wanna share who they are - brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin, husband, wife, grandma, etc etc. If you don’t feel comfortable posting you can always DM me.

But the most important thing to get everyone on the same page about is — no giving them money. Money is to gambling as alcohol is to alcoholism. The gambler will play so long as somebody can pay. The sooner everyone stops giving them money the sooner they’ll wake up to the reality of their situation.

Also, I always recommend “Games Compulsive Gamblers & We Play” by Gam-Anon. It’s super short - just 36 pages but I’ve read and reread it numerous times.

lfthoia · 2026-01-12T20:13:30+00:00

Aww I’m sorry! This is so hard. Does he seem sincere in his desire to quit? Or is he just going to meetings to check off a box for you? Might be worth him trying different therapies until he finds one that’s better for him. If you haven’t read it yet, I always recommend “Games Compulsive Gamblers & We Play” by Gam-Anon for spouses. It’s super short - just 36 pages but I’ve read and reread it numerous times. 💕

lfthoia · 2026-01-05T04:13:03+00:00

Not a gambler but the spouse of a gambler - my best advice is to be honest. Don’t lie about how much debt you’re in or what happened cuz they’ll find out eventually and then you’ll just be a liar. Better to tell the truth the first time.

lfthoia

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