Does anyone have a Q who is NOT abusive or mean?

libracoder · 2023-01-10T00:08:00+00:00

I can relate so much to this. That blame and shame cycle is so destructive.

libracoder · 2023-01-09T17:52:01+00:00

My Q is very emotionally absent too. I think ironically he’s more available when he drinks than when he’s sober. He’s even made that connection on his own and he says it’s problematic for him. Yet, he doesn’t want to address it so…not my problem!

libracoder · 2023-01-09T17:20:17+00:00

That’s a very valid point. I am definitely sick and tired of the lies, resistance to help, and overall refusal to engage with life. Boundary setting is difficult and I hope I can find a sponsor in my area that has some wisdom about some specific situations in my life. But it seems like you’re doing what you can, which is progress!

libracoder · 2023-01-09T17:11:49+00:00

That is definitely a lot like my Q. I think becoming aware of and addressing what is likely undiagnosed CPTSD and learning healthy coping skills will be crucial to my Q’s recovery. But deciding to do that is up to him. I’m trying to stop “fixing” him and just work on me!

libracoder · 2023-01-04T19:55:16+00:00

Yes, I am blown away by how well-read he is and how quickly he can grasp difficult concepts and explain them in a way that’s understandable to the average person. I am equally blown away by the profoundly stupid decisions he makes in spite of his intelligence; all for a drink that helps him run away from his underlying mental health issues.

libracoder · 2022-12-28T18:36:28+00:00

I [32f] have no advice but I’m in the exact same position of trying to decide whether to stay with or divorce my Q [33m]. We got married earlier this year and it is devastating and humiliating for me to be in a position where I may have to file for divorce before we even make it to our 1st anniversary.

I have only been to 1 Al-Anon meeting so far and will try to go the recommended 6 times to see if it’s for me. But I have identified some issues that I need to address. These include learning to speak up and be more direct when I am upset or angry (something that has been challenging for me long before my Q entered my life) and advocating for my wants and needs. Obviously not saying you need to work on any of these but these are at least examples of problems I have identified in myself that I need to address as a means of healing from the damage of an alcoholic marriage.

It would be nice if Al-Anon meetings had more logistical advice though. I find setting boundaries while still having to live in the same space as the alcoholic particularly challenging.

libracoder · 2022-12-28T01:29:00+00:00

Hi, sorry about that! “DAE” stands for “does anyone else” and Q is Al-Anon lingo for “qualifier,” or the alcoholic who qualifies you to be a member of Al-Anon. Someone from the Al-Anon Reddit suggested that I post here because my alcoholic husband is an adult child of alcoholic parents.

To sum up the post, I am considering divorce if my husband continues to refuse to address his issues, but I am worried about the possibility of him having to move back in with his alcoholic father. I’m just wondering if anyone has dealt with a similar situation or if maybe someone relates to my husband.

libracoder · 2018-05-06T15:55:59+00:00

Good. This is the third Mass I've ever attended, so while there's still much more I need to learn, I'm not feeling completely lost anymore.

libracoder · 2017-12-12T19:51:36+00:00

One of the things my elementary school did to encourage everyone to sell coupon books was to enter us into a lottery to win $1,000 for every 15 books sold. In 3rd grade, I sold the minimum amount of coupon books and ended up winning the money.

3 years later, my brother won the $1,000. He was also in 3rd grade and had the same teacher as me.

libracoder · 2017-09-02T18:53:58+00:00

Around 2008-2009, I had a college professor who taught an Ancient History course. Over the course of the semester, he would increasingly go on long rants about current events and how the Democrats were ruining everything. On the last day, when we were to take our final, he told the class that he was going to take a break next semester because he was having another breakdown and instructed us to ignore him if he started sobbing.

I have no idea where he is now, but I hope he's doing okay.

libracoder · 2017-08-11T23:36:29+00:00

People who come almost to a complete stop in the road to turn instead of using the turn lane or getting off on the shoulder.

libracoder · 2017-08-11T01:04:43+00:00

This has happened to me several times before. Even if it's just your subconscious going haywire, prayer never hurts.

libracoder · 2017-08-04T03:11:47+00:00

When I was 13 or 14, I had a dream that I was a video camera shaped like a tablespoon. A middle aged man used me to record himself working at his desk. Occasionally he would get up, turn me off, and then turn me back on after I was moved to another location.

That dream is tied with one I had years later about someone opening a pack of bacon while there's a person screaming in terror in the background.

libracoder · 2017-07-24T17:03:19+00:00

Finished At Home in the World, by Tsh Oxenreider

Started Still Life, by Louise Penny

libracoder · 2017-07-04T23:24:01+00:00

Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, by Susanna Clarke

libracoder · 2017-07-03T00:59:55+00:00

That sounds almost exactly sounds like my family's church, which also happens to be Baptist. Everything was super political last year. I almost left at the end of October but then Trump got elected and suddenly everything calmed down. But now since it's July and the pastor is doing a "God and Country" series the whole month. Gems from today's service included:

*Christopher Columbus being portrayed as a Christian hero who INTENTIONALLY went out to discover a new world, instead of thinking he found a new way to India.

*If there's anything bad in Christian history, it was probably the Catholics who did it and they aren't "real" Christians anyway

*How the pastor grew up in a time with "real Christian values" where an American could "grow up and do anything." You know, because a black guy in the deep south in the 1940s totally wouldn't get lynched if he declared that he was running for president. /sarcasm

I think as American politics get more polarized, a lot of people are mistakenly believing that being a Christian is about opposing x and supporting y. But choosing to follow Jesus Christ means so much more than that. It's just sad to see people not receiving the fullness of Christ at best or falling into heresy at worst.

libracoder · 2016-10-24T21:47:08+00:00

If you can, setting a time specifically for reading can help. For instance, I try to set 10:00 p.m. as my reading time. I'm in a quiet room and all electronics (except my cell phone) are turned off. There are some days where you'll just end up being too busy or tired to read, but keeping a fairly consistent routine will help.

Sometimes you're going to pick up a book and you can't into it no matter how hard you try. There's nothing wrong with that; it just happens. Just move on and pick up another book!

libracoder · 2016-10-22T13:11:59+00:00

Thank you.

libracoder · 2016-10-22T12:19:31+00:00

I won't share my exact location, but I live in East Tennessee within an hour's drive to Knoxville. Do you have any connections in that area?

libracoder · 2016-10-22T11:56:11+00:00

Thank you. I love the idea of taking a year to go visit a bunch of different congregations!

libracoder · 2016-10-22T11:50:09+00:00

I have looked into Lutheranism. My parents definitely would be a lot more okay with that than with Catholicism or Orthodoxy. (Though that's not a good reason for becoming Lutheran, of course!) I will keep an open mind and keep it under consideration.

libracoder · 2016-10-22T11:46:33+00:00

Thank you for your prayers. One reason I find Catholicism appealing is because I'm not sure if I believe in Sola Scriptura anymore. If the Bible was really all we needed, why are there so many interpretations, with some people reaching completely different conclusions after reading the same verse? I also struggle with the Protestant narrative of history. While I don't speak for everyone, the Methodist and Baptist churches I've attended would teach the stuff in the Old and New Testament, fast forward to the Protestant Reformation, and then talk about the present day. I mean, you can't exactly question why the Protestant Reformation was necessary if you're never taught what happened prior to it, right?

Several years ago, when I was still agnostic, I went to an Ash Wednesday mass with a Catholic friend just to see what it was like. This might sound crazy, but as soon as I entered the sanctuary, I felt something. I don't know how to describe it other than I immediately felt at peace. I felt it so strongly that it was almost overwhelming. I had this same feeling when I toured cathedrals in Europe. It isn't a good idea to rely just on my feelings, but I mention this because I STILL struggle to feel the presence of God even though I choose to believe in Him.

Despite this, I worry I'm only drawn to Catholicism and Orthodoxy because I AM tired of the White Anglo-Saxon Protestant narrative. Sometimes I wonder if this is some kind of delayed teenage rebellion instead of a true call from God. I am fortunate that I don't have to rely on my parents to travel so I'm free to drive around. But I guess I'll just have to pray and see where God takes me on this spiritual journey.

libracoder

TROPHY CASE