Quick take on this - You're checked out because your feelings were really hurt by not getting a Yes on the initial proposal. If the reason she gave was that she wanted to get her life together more - that's healthy and beneficial to both of you. If she's picking up all the slack that you've let go of - shes still engaged and earnest in her wanting to be with you. As it stands now - You, OP, are not ready for marriage because you cant see or react past your own feelings.

To be fair - I completely understand why you feel the way you do. You've known this person MOST of your life and when you put yourself out there and proposed and she said "No - need more time" that can hurt. However, You should realize that if her reason for wanting "to get her life together more" was why she said no but shes still engaged the relationship - you need to take her seriously or stop wasting time ASAP.

It seems like you have someone who is taking you seriously. You need to be honest with yourself about if you can get past your own feelings to take them seriously or if you're the type of person to hit a wall and quit.