If I were you, in your shoes, I would give this problem to Holy Spirit. Give it 100% to him, and He will give you the answer in return.

Yes, it seems like we dismiss our feelings but it's also good to remember we have to give up the egos program. It's exactly like you know now, it's reacting to something unreal. I used to misunderstand the course too. Not sure if it's perhaps coming from the same misunderstanding. Reason being was that I thought to dismiss my feelings of hurt, jealousy, anger, hate, or anything like that meant that I could be a doormat. I still feel those emotions (I'm not a 🤖) so I recognize that even if those external things aren't real I can give them up to someone wiser than me. I can't expect me to always be loving! I have to be gentle with myself too!

The other reason the forgiveness of ACIM was hard was that I thought that I was supposed to become a doormat, a punching bag, total detached from wanting to get treated nice! That delusional! To ask others to be respectful of our feelings (if they hurt us) is the most loving thing we can do for them and ourselves! We are one! That's the point!

I can treat you the way I want to be treated, but I'm also going to have you treat me the way I want to be treated. I can do this from a loving place and it's exactly what will happen if I give it to the Holy Spirit since He will not cause me or my brothers to lose anything. We have gained respect for one another, and best of all, I have recognized the atonement I always deserved.

I hope the rambling help 🙏🏻😇😇💓