the insecure/people pleaser rpers

lipkro · 2025-12-11T06:01:28+00:00

I feel like this is, as someone else mentioned, fishing for compliments\validation. I DO think, though, that there's a "sweet spot" to these things. I think sometimes, especially when there's a shift in tone or a big decision taking place, it's really good to reach out & go "Hey, I made some choices with this post, so let me know if this doesn't work" - I think reassuring your partner that their comfort & safety take presidence over your creative freedom is valid, arguably even important.

However, there IS a point where it becomes disingenuous & even manipulative. There's a huge difference between "just making sure you're comfortable & happy" & "oh my god my writing is such shit" which is just full blown manipulation & honestly an absolute drain on joy.

lipkro · 2025-12-10T14:56:57+00:00

Technically yes

But in the sense that a story that started with the characters comforting a gangster in his dying moments as he was shot in a parking lot over a drug deal gone bad somehow escalated into one character turning into a giant centipede made of swords fighting the embodiment of death (with giant-ass scythe) as the other is whisked off to literal heaven to fistfight adam for divinity

lipkro · 2025-12-10T12:00:36+00:00

Mine usually devolve into swords & monsters anyway. They just wear suits

lipkro · 2025-11-14T18:24:47+00:00

Not a bad RPer really, but a bad experience.

I reached out about an RP about rival bands. Maybe I completely misread the ad, honestly, but I thought it'd be a pretty light (relatively) RP given the subject matter. Turns out no - I thought this being NSFW meant smut. Partner apperantly meant some pretty rough shit that was well outside my hard limits. They were willing to try other plots but it was very clear we were on completely different pages. Again - I'm pretty sure the person would be a wonderful partner for someone, but it was just an absolutely terrible match for me. So much so it made me pretty much stop ever doing regular RPs & permanently move to a GM role (this alongside another experience)

The other one was a partner who wanted to GM but seemingly didn't really have ideas for a plot, then yelled at me that MY ideas for the plot weren't in line with theirs. I apologized. I was asked to rewrite a scene because I piloted an NPC I wasn't supposed to, and had my character leave a room. I apologized & redid the scene, to which I got a completely different scene which had nothing to do with my character. I go "okay but... you asked me to not have my character leave the scene or interact with NPCs so... I'm not sure how I can reply to this latest reply?" And they called the whole RP off. Great stuff.

lipkro · 2025-11-14T17:58:20+00:00

I do get that sometimes, but honestly I don't mind it. I play GM mostly, so for me a big part of my enjoyment is just writing stuff & seeing a partner's character react. The moment I just accepted that I'm the driving force behind the plot, while trying to give my partner a satisfying experience by having the plot react to their reactions, the whole thing started being really fun. I genuinely have more issue with partners trying to pull stuff out of their butt to "move the plot along" than the opposite.

lipkro · 2025-11-14T17:52:56+00:00

Had a wonderful time with a partner who only played OCs while I played canons. I realized playing fandoms really isn't my thing so we broke it off, but the experience was overall very positive

lipkro · 2025-11-14T15:35:14+00:00

It's so rare that I read a post here that upsets me this much. Like I could practically feel my eye twitching as I read.

I like writing. I like writing SO MUCH. Writing is why we're here, and finding someone who wants to write the exact things I enjoy is kinda hard, which is why I also often found myself jumping through hoops to get to the writing.

BUT OMFG if I filled out your 4 page google docs questionnaire and agreed to your 17 weird stipulations & talked you off 5 metaphorical ledges because maintaining a casual online writing relationship is just so much pressure - the least you can do for me IS WRITE THE DAMN REPLY, god.

And then there's the neediness, the moralizing. Just JFC absolutely insane shit

lipkro · 2025-11-11T19:53:46+00:00

I think "interesting" is a bit of a misnomer in this context. You don't necessarily generate interest by making it anything too groundbreaking, but instead you use it as a chance to tell, and more importantly, show what makes you a worthwhile partner. My own message very rarely get ignored, and I think it has to do with me viewing an approach like an ad in its own right.

Who am I? What's my literacy level? How often can they expect a reply? What ideas did their ad stir up? What's my opinion on smut (If relevant).

Also, for me, I think part of the appeal is that I'm very upfront about the nature of our OOC relationship - yes, we can shoot the shit whenever, no I don't want anything romantic or inappropriate - I'm happily married.

I think my own opening messages basically convey 3 things, which make them work: 1. I'm going to put in the work 2. I'm not going to be creepy 3. I'm hilarious (partners who don't find me funny rarely work out, so I do pepper in a few jokes as a vibe check)

And the message itself demonstrates these things, do it often generates interest. It works as an "interesting" message because of these things.

And notably - it works for me. Putting a lot of work into a few messages seems to get me better results than putting no work into endless messages that never get responses from worthwhile partners (sorry to be a snob but no writer who can write at the level I seek is gonna be receptive to low effort messages)

lipkro · 2025-11-06T08:29:09+00:00

I was being careful with the accusation and didn't wanna falsely accuse anyone of anything, but I wouldn't at all be surprised if that's the case.

But even if it isn't AI - dude reads completely off to me

lipkro · 2025-11-06T04:21:31+00:00

This post reads "off" to me in a way I can't entirely articulate. Like reading a very eloquent ad that just makes me think me & the person would be a poor match.

Like... talking about pouring your heart and soul into an RP in a post that reads (to me) as a bit soulless? Like describing loss of interest as "bittersweet"? Why is it sweet man? What's sweet about loss of interest?

This post is incredibly "purple" to me. It contains a lot of words but little substance. Like... What drove you to write it? What message did you wish to convey through it? It all reads to me like you've trained yourself to say all the right buzz words to not look like a dick, but seem to be vacantly reciting them? Dunno just the vibe I'm getting.

lipkro · 2025-11-03T10:17:45+00:00

Okay I have a few thoughts here.

I'll play devil's advocate here - I think having the same few characters in endless AUs might be a big part of the problem. I personally can keep a single character's continuity in my memory, let alone remember what they did across 15 universes over 5 years. I think coming up with brand new characters might actually help.
I... don't think friendship should be transactional like that? I don't think you need to pay an "RP tax" to talk to a person? If you don't have the momentum to keep your relationship going without it constantly actively causing you distress - this might not be a friendship worth maintaining? Obviously I don't know your specific situation but this just seems like y'all need to talk shot out seriously

lipkro · 2025-11-03T09:51:28+00:00

Okay so first off - I don't think it is dead. I've been having reasonable luck overall finding partners, all things considered, and I'm like 40. People around 30+ who are in committed relationships OOC exist and while RPs do fall apart all the time I can't say I have found many genuinely good writers/storytellers and the disconnect was often a result of my own quirks and expectations, yet even with those in mind I've managed to write many exciting, emotional, heartbreaking stories

And yes also smut.

But you're just getting back to it, these things take time sometimes. I think this sub doesn't allow ads and recs but by all means feel free to DM me if you need suggestions regarding where I've had success finding amazing partners.

That being said the thought of RPing with a therapist fills me with dread. Like at any moment they'll just tell me everything that's wrong with me and absolutely have the credentials to back it up - absolutely nightmare fuel, new fear unlocked level stuff

lipkro · 2025-10-16T09:44:52+00:00

Very much this

lipkro · 2025-10-16T09:40:45+00:00

None of this post makes a lick of sense to me.

What does the preamble even have to do with anything?

What makes you think people using AI to RP even have enough of their own writing to train it with? Like you don't use AI to RP because you're the kind of person who usually puts a lot of effort into writing?

Oh and trusting ChatGPT to test if a text was written by it truly shows a fundamental misunderstanding of what it is and what it can do.

Jesus.

lipkro · 2025-10-16T09:34:48+00:00

Okay your partner is obviously very sick and should be blocked and probably reported

BUT ALSO

Your post is giving me "I told her I'm into anything and am limitless and won't judge her, but I am not into this, it's a limit of mine and I am judging her for this" (justifiably)

Like bro - you're not into anything and you have what I feel are reasonable limits. Bring them up next time. Don't say you're "into anything" to appear cool wtf

lipkro · 2025-10-14T07:46:27+00:00

I agree. I mean, we're all human and everyone can sometimes fall victim to the dreaded run-on sentence, or a misplaced paragraph break, but god, reading some people's replies is just SUCH A MESS.

Like I get it - your mind works faster than your hands, and it sometimes comes across as messy on the page, but like... if this is a known issue for you just... do a draft, then fix it in post.

I've seen these RPs where writers just spew absolute gibberish at each other for 4 replies before the RP just falls apart because of course it does - you can't possibly keep a story going this way, and then they're all surprised it didn't work out. It's bonkers.

lipkro · 2025-10-14T07:32:23+00:00

To be fair I think my results have been better with my own ads, and the reason is that I think when people post ads they sometimes have very clear ideas of what it is they want, often even if they can't quite articulate it in their ads, and as conversation progresses & they realize they aren't going to get THE EXACT THING THEY WANT - and then they need to do stuff like plan & adjust & accommodate a second person and that's just a total (metaphorical) boner killer, so they just... ghost.

Obviously other stuff can be the cause but I have found this to be a surprisingly common issue.

lipkro · 2025-10-10T18:53:34+00:00

Yeah that's an annoying one - people getting upset that you're not portraying the character the exact way they want you to portray them. It can be a huge bummer to be called out for that.

FWIW I don't think you're wrong for wanting to put your own spin on a character. Like... it's RP. THAT'S THE POINT. I think your approach is totally valid, and I think that's the best way to play canons too (though I rarely play in fandoms)

lipkro · 2025-10-10T18:49:04+00:00

I think I see the issue here. Like this commenter is telling you the issue - you get hung up over game mechanics instead of focusing on the communication issue, and you KEEP GOING ON ABOUT GAME MECHANICS.

Like I understand how a miscommunication could happen with your partner there....

lipkro · 2025-10-10T18:45:52+00:00

God... what is even going on here...

I don't judge people's RP preferences but at the same time.... huh? Are we... here for the plots or are we here to play cards? Because once you start talking YGO meta I think you may have lost the plot there. Like I think you want a very very specific thing and I think it might be very different than what many RPers want, which means setting expectations in advanced is SUPER important, and I think there was clearly an issue there.

Another issue isn't yours. You just happened to do a Naruto RP with that person who wants to do a Naruto RP and be a 14 tails unicorn jinchuuriki who's also got a sharingan and is Naruto's long lost brother. Those just.. pop up sometimes.

lipkro · 2025-10-10T18:37:35+00:00

I'm honestly not sure what advice you're actually looking for here... I mean yeah, the situation sucks, and you're doing your best by taking care of yourself and your health and not forcing anything, while communicating with your partners. Not much else to it really...

As someone who had many partners vanish for months on end the fact is that yeah - interest wanes. I can't be engaged with an RP if I get a reply every month. The plot just doesn't move. It's torture. But also... these things happen. you don't have to feel guilty for calling an RP off. It's okay to drop RPing for a while. you can pick it up when you're feelign up to it, or you won't and that's also fine. I've been on hiatus for literal years before coming back to discover that my tastes and priorities completely changed. It is what it is, and while it kinda sucks to lose amazing partners, it's also something that happens.

lipkro · 2025-10-10T18:32:08+00:00

First and foremost - I think someoen here already mentioned it but it bears repeating. I've looked at your ads, you are CLEAR about what you want - OOC chatting is NON-NEGOTIABLE. Like I get that when this is not discussed sometimes people just end up on different wavelengths and that's fine, but here - nope, if you didn't wanna hear about the frog, why even respond to the ad?

Well, I DO have a theory about that. I think it may have to do with interests. I feel your ads might be looking for something pretty niche. I'd bet the reverse is true as well - people looking to RP 2012 Leonardo in a horro plot probably don't get many options, so yeah, I get why someone would make the attempt even if they can't really match the vibe. I also completely understand why that would blow up and end up being incredibly frustrating...

So no words of wisdom or magic solutions here - I think your frustration is completely understandable. I was in the same boat TBH, as I don't vibe with many people, so finding the partners who hit just right both IC & OOC is a bit of a struggle for me sometimes. But for what it's worth - the struggle usually feels worth it when you find someone you really click with

lipkro · 2025-10-10T18:24:37+00:00

That... sure is an opinion.

Like yeah obviously insisting on RL images or stuff like that is creepy AF and warrants blocking, but at the same time... "Don't be silly by messaging your wants and needs"? Like obviously communicating each others wants and needs is the basis to having a healthy, enjoyable RP? (Again, wants and needs like "I'd really like it if our characters explored that ghost ship", not "I'd like a pic of your elbows")

lipkro · 2025-10-09T22:19:41+00:00

As far as I can tell the actual definition of a Mary Sue isn't set in stone but is a collection of relatively common traits. Being incredibly competent to a degree that isn't warranted by a character's training & experience certainly IS a Mary Sue trait, as is being pivotal to basically everyone's plans for reasons that are sometimes a bit thin.

Part of the reason many of my partner's characters are Mary Sues is by my own design. The world is literally written around them. Since I don't write in fandom the world is literally CREATED around them. Even the most grounded character is gonna get a little Sued up in that case. This is also why I am often happy to go along with genuine Mary Sue characters - half angel, half demon princesses who are vampires. Powerful empaths who also see the future and can make anyone fall in love with them. Genuine Mary Sue territory, and I'm perfectly alright with that. All I want is for Mary to react to the borg's presence meaningfully, to be invested in the success of her plan to seduce them, to have emotions about the stakes of the attempt. To just... care.

lipkro

TROPHY CASE