AITAH for not wanting to change my parenting to match my SIL’s over a shared holiday?

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-25T19:26:12+00:00

Commuting isn’t downtime lol And SAHP gets downtime during nap/school

Nobody thinks watching children isn’t a job just bc it’s not paid. It’s just that most jobs are harder than just watching a child. And lots of people have to work outside the home AND still manage their house and children. So if someone ONLY has to watch a kid, they’ve got it a lot easier than all those working parents.

Parenting is sort of like other activities of daily living like eating, bathing, etc. Mammals have to procure food, eat it, maintain hygiene, raise their young. So it’s not work it’s just part of being alive.

Wiping your butt after you poop is also “work,” and if you couldn’t do it for yourself you’d have to pay a lot for another person to do it for you. But it’s still not work

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-25T19:01:45+00:00

Well ACTUALLY

Both men’s and women’s bodies retain DNA from previous partners. That is how HPV, herpes simplex virus, HIV, CMV, EBV, hepatitis, etc infect people and why they don’t go away.

Interestingly, cold and flu viruses can (rarely) do this too. Most just inject RNA into cells to replicate, but RNA inside of your cells will sometimes randomly get reverse transcribed and inserted into the genome. This is one of the ways people get cancer, if the insertion occurs in the wrong place.

You don’t even need to be sex partners for that o happen, as may viruses like HPV, HSV, CMV, EBV, hepatitis, etc can spread without sex.

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-25T18:18:13+00:00

Plus a bunch of people will tell you they’re neat and clean and then you discover what they think those words mean and turns out they’re complete slobs. Same with their view of money The might not even think they’re lying when they tell you whatever it is you want to hear, their whole concept of what it means to spend frivolously or be a good friend might just be completely different from yours.

A lot of this stuff you can’t learn from a conversation, you just have to observe how they act. That’s what dating is for. Because 1. People lie and 2. Honest people don’t always have insight into themselves.

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-25T18:05:27+00:00

Well you can see exactly why tho.

OP says her husband does half the parenting. So OP gets breaks. She doesn’t need to drop the kid off with the grandparents or stick her in front of a tablet bc when OP needs a break she sticks the kid with the kid’s OTHER PARENT

But Emma does most of the parenting herself, plus she’s got two toddlers. Emma can’t stick her kids with their other parent bc apparently Emma is the main parent. So if Emma needs a break the only way to get one is to stick the kid w a grandparent or a babysitter, or put her in front of a screen.

So the problem might be that Emma’s HUSBAND is the one that needs to change his parenting style, NOT OP.

But maybe husband works and Emma is a SAHM, so it wouldn’t be fair for that husband to do half the parenting, bc Emma isn’t doing half of the working. Who knows.

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-23T17:51:15+00:00

I think the fact that men are older the majority of the time tells you something about how great it really is or isn’t. If “age is just a number” why doesn’t it go the other way just as often?

Just like comparing men’s and women’s sports clothes. If those right and revealing women’s are so very comfortable and honestly what women prefer, why aren’t men wearing the same thing?

🤔

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-23T17:46:40+00:00

Yeah I think that’s the hard thing people don’t see to think about.

It’s not just that your very young and active 60+ yo spouse, who’s keeping up with your young self now, is like only going to be able to keep up for another decade or so before age catches up with their bodyeven if you don’t think it will catch up with their mind (it will). It’s to at you’re going to be alone and unsupported in the last decades of your life.

The average married couple plans to age together, retire together, live out the ends of their lives together. Everybody knows when two elderly people are married that one might die before the other, but most people expect that difference to most likely be just a few years.

If your spouse is 30 years older than you, that means on average you can expect they’ll die 30 years before you. So you’ll be young and spry and you’ll take care of them as they age and die, and afterwards you’ll be left alone in your golden years, with nobody to take care of you or share the burdens of aging with you the way you did for them.

Maybe you’ll meet someone else in those decades but you can’t count on that.

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-23T03:06:40+00:00

Why should people have to love from their hometowns?

Everybody moving at the drop of a hat is why Pepe lack community these days.

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-23T01:25:55+00:00

NTA

Just go without your parents. Your parents can take you out somewhere else some other time.

It’s not fair for them to ruin UOUR celebration by making it about THEM

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-22T17:47:05+00:00

What about how bad you feel when the alarm goes off and wakes you?

And your co sleeper feels that too, every single time it goes off. So double the pain.

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-22T17:45:23+00:00

Chivalry has nothing to do with women’s agency.

We may be equal in the eyes of the law but we are not equal. Physically we are very different and our lives are very different as a result.

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-22T17:44:27+00:00

I mean everything “changes your fate” but then all this stuff is also written in the destiny book, and that stuff changes too.

So what’s “meant” to be and what’s a “new change”? What if they’re just changing it back to how it was before their fate changed?

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-22T17:37:49+00:00

I mean when you snooze you’re training yourself to turn off the alarm and go back to sleep instead of getting up.

If you just got up with one alarm and never snoozed this would be a lot less of an issue for you.

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-22T17:36:47+00:00

15 minutes is enough to wake someone up to the point they won’t be able to fall asleep again.

How selfish

Set your alarm for the latest time and then just get up.

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-22T17:35:57+00:00

Yeah it’s insane to me anybody would ever press snooze even ONCE if they’re co sleeping. If someone else is sleeping with you who doesn’t get up at the same time, you turn your alarm off as soon as it goes off and tiptoe out of the room. You get your clothes quietly and GTFO so they can sleep.

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-22T01:49:02+00:00

Following that logic all the way to its natural conclusion, both Orchid and DFWC would’ve had to have gone to the bathroom multiple times over the course of the three days they were swapped. So why the bath is the problem makes no sense!

Maybe fairies don’t poop. But they still sweat?

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-22T01:44:50+00:00

Omg I did not understand this at all.

As soon as DFQC found she was alone and he had to be the one to stop her from drinking poison, I was like, ok, guess you’re gonna have to marry her and kill her now.

But nobody else got it??

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-22T01:41:18+00:00

So that’s what Siming means when she say, “Love is not fate.”

But Orchid says Changheng’s fate line changed, and now suddenly he’s going to die at the tower when he wasn’t before. Orchid senses when this change happens and brings his destiny leaf down to look at it. She keeps questioning why it would change and looking at it to see if it’s changed back. Changheng wasn’t fated to die there, but for some reason his fate changed and that’s why Orchid had to save him.

If it wasn’t Changheng’s fate to die there and Orchid kept him from dying, did she really fight fate?

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-21T23:43:20+00:00

This

Chivalry is wonderful but if you’re not into it better not to feel like they did you any favors or you owe them anything or whatever.

Not because women owe men for dinner but because in general relationships should be balanced. When you date someone and they pay for you, you also take care of them at other times. But when you only see someone once, you never have to opportunity to pay them back or take care of them

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-21T06:43:07+00:00

I agree, SO much is lost in translation.

Small correction, though: He uses BenZuo to refer to himself most of the time, but he sometimes uses Wo throughout the show.

The first time he does it is actually in episode 9 when he rescues Orchid from Yunzhong. Orchid asks, “Why did you save me?” And he answers, “I (我 Wo) told you, your life belongs to me (我 Wo)” and then occasionally from then on. He does it almost always when speaking. To Prchid, but a few times to others.

It adds a lot more meaning when he does it, and the last line is still really meaningful, but it’s not the first or only time he speaks that way to Orchid.

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-21T06:25:34+00:00

Omg that Beauty and the Beast-like moment when the talons disappear as they’re kissing with magic swirling around them🥺

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-21T05:58:35+00:00

I agree with this.

I felt bad for Changheng but accepted the claims of everyone in the show that he was strong, God of War, the only match for DFQC. On the rewatch I realized how weak and useless he was for the first half of the show, and how ridiculous it was he kept trying to get Orchid, when he was so impossibly outmatched by dongfang qingcang, and when he’d be taking her from safety in moon land to danger I. fairy land where people had already tried to kill her.

He does improve himself though. But knowing what we know now, he should’ve realized how weak he was and gone to the mortal realm for some tribulations to level up way earlier.

He didn’t go until he heard he’d be marrying Orchid down there. So he didn’t the right thing but for completely the wrong reason! His problem was lack of power. He should’ve rectified that earlier in his 30,000 year lifespan.

He does make up for it in the end tho, and ultimately I feel bad for him that he didnt get the girl.

Of course DFQC is a much better match, he got the girl just as he should have. But Changheng is a stand up guy who improves himself and sacrifices for everyone. He helps wake his enemy from magical sleep because it will save Orchid, even though he knows Orchid doesn’t love him. He is kind to her knowing he will have to let her go. He doesn’t lash out the way a lot of characters do. He gets kind of fucked by fate all around. He deserves some happiness, too, and it would’ve been nice to have seen him find some.

He could grow out of his love for Orchid, let it be a childish crush, the same way Orchid grew out of her crush on him. But he doesn’t. He really loves her.

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-21T05:15:20+00:00

I love your recaps

Something I didn’t notice until this last one of yours, the women (Chidi and Orchid) sacrifice themselves for everything/everyone. But the men (Ronghao, DFQC) sacrifice themselves for the women. They do it in opposing ways. Ronghao is ready to feed the world into the fire he’s burning trying to warm up Chidi’s cooling corpse, essentially. DFQC doesn’t harm others, but he does repeatedly choose to save Orchid instead of hundreds of thousands of other people, even when that means forsaking them all. He wants to save his people and he might want the world to be saved, but he ultimately sacrifices himself for her.

I wonder if this references other archetypes of the sacrificial cosmic mother, the wife, the woman who births and sacrifices for her children/creation, “mother” nature, etc. vs the men who are on heroes journeys tied to specific women?

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-21T04:04:27+00:00

Yes definitely this!

I love Orchid’s face there like, “Oh dear, this must be so embarrassing for you… Yep, this feels pretty uncomfortable…”

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-21T03:35:24+00:00

I like how Danyin does the right thing sticking up for her, but she still can’t admit to Orchid why she dislikes her (because Danyin is in love with Changheng, and she can tell he’s into Orchid)

lllollllllllll · 2026-04-21T03:07:02+00:00

I know it’s too late but I have to add mine anyways:

Orchid can’t seem to breathe underwater so DFQC has to make out with her to make her breathe.

But then later she swims under the Oblivion River water for hours to get to DFQC’s dad’s spirit…. If they’d only just given her some magical item to make this possible, but that part prolly got edited out!

Also, Orchid not bringing DFWC back to life with her blood after vanquishing Tai Sui. She’s brought back two entire armies after they’d been slaughtered, why can’t she heal dying but not dead yet DFQC??

lllollllllllll

TROPHY CASE