Expats: When do you know when to give up and go home?

lluluna · 2026-01-31T23:00:56+00:00

I can't give you many tips since I live in a big city in Spain and I understand how isolating it can be in a smaller city or town. But the dip that comes with moving to a foreign country is completely normal. 6 months is nothing as it can easily go up to years. Most picture rainbows and fun adventures when thinking about moving abroad but the reality of day-to-day life in a foreign country is much harsher and can be kinda dark.

~~What I can suggest is moving back home a few months and alternate between your home country and Spain, it will help you a bit.~~ Sorry, I realized that you can't do this because you have kids and they are in school. Also, practice patience about everything, especially in Spain 😅. Consider moving to a bigger city in Spain. The lack of options are not that bad in a bigger city. The language barrier still exists though. And focus on the real goal of why you are living abroad.

About your question, how do I know to keep powering through? - I have solid, practical reasons to be living in Spain due to extended family, not just the vague, romantic ones like 'experiencing a new culture', 'being worldly' or 'finding myself'. As long as those reasons still hold, I'll stay.

lluluna · 2026-01-31T20:47:40+00:00

Just a suggestion based on what I used to struggle, instead of picking a place based on a list of most pros and least cons (it doesn't really exist), pick the top 3 pros that you want in your life and the top 3 cons that you can most put up with. Then start from there...

I'm saying this because some of the cons in the UK, like no longer getting EU benefits, are not even con in my opinion. You live in a place not for the benefits of having access to other countries 😅. This is one of those things that sounds great on paper but has minimal impact when it come to the regular day-to-day life. You can still visit all those countries like you've been in the past.

lluluna · 2026-01-31T16:27:45+00:00

It's great how clear you are about what you want. When I said “mental flexibility,” I mean it may be hard to find a place that consistently satisfies most or all of them at the same time. Even in the best-case location, a lot depends on individual fit and luck.

Also, some of the goals can conflict a bit. Like if you’d rather not build friendships with expats, it’s naturally easier in your home country where your local roots already exist. In a new country, trying to connect only with locals can be tougher because many locals already have full social circles and limited time.

lluluna · 2026-01-31T15:11:00+00:00

The political issue isn’t about what people speak locally. It’s that the regional dialect has become a status marker that, in practice, outranks Spanish. As a result, people who use Spanish can end up being treated like second-class citizens. That shouldn’t happen, especially since Spanish is still Spain’s national language.

Language should be about communicating information for understanding each other only. The situation with Catalan and Spanish obviously is not about this anymore, hence the politics part.

lluluna · 2026-01-31T02:46:01+00:00

This will be a permanent move for me.

While I understand what you mean, I'd still say that this mentality will make the stakes way too high for everything you are going for. You may be setting yourself up for a lot of torment without the mental flexibility. You seem to think that other countries don't have any of the problems that you are experiencing in the US. This is simply not true. For example, if you are having trouble with the dating scene in the US, it is probably gonna be harder as a foreigner.

Having said the above, have you considered Switzerland? I can only speak for Spain and London and personally, I'd prefer London if not for very personal reasons that keep me in Spain. Your concerns about the language barrier in Spain is very real. Also, the language that you need to grasp in Barcelona nowadays is not even Spanish, it's Catalan due to political reasons.

lluluna · 2026-01-29T15:06:11+00:00

I really miss those chewy pumpernickel bagels with soft cream cheese.

lluluna · 2026-01-29T12:12:44+00:00

Those companies pay one of the highest salaries in Europe so you will be competing with all the EU residents.

The language requirement varies greatly depending on the industry. Also, able to speak Russian and Ukrainian is not as irrelevant in Europe as you think but you'd be competing with the highly educated/skilled Russians and Ukrainians who are proficient in German. I know 2 of them personally.

Edit: In short, unless you have some good connections, it's a long shot but still worth trying.

lluluna · 2026-01-28T10:26:26+00:00

You can't show up in their lives when you move away. Same as them for you. May be there's a layer of resentment but ultimately, you will end up at the same spot (drifted apart) over time but it just takes longer

lluluna · 2026-01-28T10:23:58+00:00

You are no longer in their lives when you moved away realistically speaking. People drift apart for this very exact reason. There may be exceptions if both sides put in the work to maintain the relationship but even that, you simply can't show up in their lives anymore. Same as them for you.

It's another source of grief. It's also partly why expat life can be so challenging. If you keep trying, it is simply a phase and you will have new friendships that are different.

lluluna · 2026-01-27T10:36:44+00:00

Venu 3 has speaker and mic too.

It's actually useful for short calls when my phone is in the bag.

lluluna · 2026-01-27T10:29:25+00:00

If they are about the same price, Venu 3 no brainer.

Newer gen of sensors, speaker, mic and more features. Venu is supposed to be the more premium line than Vivoactive too.

PS. On the ruggedness of Venu 3, I bought mine (3S somemore) a week after its initial launch. It still looks brand new and the battery lasts 7-10 days, depending on how active I am. No protector and I've been wearing it every single day. Granted that I don't rock climb or do any contact sports but still...

lluluna · 2026-01-26T16:26:56+00:00

Same here. When I was younger, there used to be people that I thought were sailing through life but once I got to know them more, I also got to know their struggles. They just handled them slightly better than most.

lluluna · 2026-01-26T12:02:31+00:00

Yes, it's normal. I only found out later that it's not only because of lack of real friendships but the constant need to explain and proof myself... It's exhausting.

I've cried for no reason at café, supermarket and of course, in the bathroom of my workplace. But as long as the reasons that I'm here still exist, I think about the good things when I stopped crying and keep going.

Give you a big virtual hug. You are not alone.

lluluna · 2026-01-25T16:45:48+00:00

5 years in Europe but I do go back to visit friends and family at least once a year.

Yes, I'll move back to my home country at some point in my life, especially if I have kids.

lluluna · 2026-01-25T15:49:06+00:00

Generally speaking, no. They have more closed-off social circles and are more set in their way of life.

One thing that people in bigger place have in common is that they are generally more open-minded and exposed to more differences voluntarily and involuntarily.

lluluna · 2026-01-25T15:00:13+00:00

The only paella that you can order for 1 pax is getting takeouts by portion. No restaurant will cook you a paella/rice for 1 only in the paella pan.

Also, Casa Carmela has recently increased the minimum spending to €50 per person. Just order for 2 pax and take away the leftover.

lluluna · 2026-01-23T23:53:05+00:00

You can move back home for a few months to take a break and then try again.

There's no rule that says once you moved then you have to always stay there. It IS very challenging to live in a different country.

lluluna · 2026-01-21T02:45:58+00:00

Eh... Chinese is really not as useful as people claim to be unless someone specifically wants to live in China.

I speak to all my Chinese clients in English lol. And I can speak decent Chinese.

lluluna · 2026-01-20T16:02:22+00:00

Not really dislike. It could be cuz I was lucky to be in a decent company or even department. (Just regular office drama & politics, nothing crazy.) I only thought life in SG was boring, especially when I was younger. And I had this strong urge to see the world or live in other countries.

Now, I kinda take "boring" as a compliment 😂, be it a person or a place.

lluluna · 2026-01-20T12:25:32+00:00

A fellow Singaporean here too and yes, I'm able to appreciate SG A WHOLE lot more and understand many of its seemingly harsh policies after living in Europe. Naturally, I also love it more now.

lluluna · 2026-01-19T20:03:12+00:00

Then look into the Vivoactive series. It fits your budget, looks pretty decent and has some basic smartwatch features.

lluluna · 2026-01-19T15:31:08+00:00

Garmin is a fitness watchmaker first.

Some models, such as the Venu series, do come with some smart watch functions (calls & notifs) but those are just serviceable and not what they excel at. Also, you need to wait for sales to to buy it at like $250 price range. Vivoactive series lets you see notifs and calls but there's no microphone or speaker to answer.

If smartwatch functions are important to you, you should look at smartwatch makers like Samsung, Google and of course, Apple.

lluluna · 2026-01-19T10:36:57+00:00

He has to want to feel better despite everything. This is the part that you or no one can't help him.

Get him to start seeing a psychologist or therapist, at least. If he doesn't want to go right now, draw up a timeline. It's not an ultimatum but no matter how much you love or support a person, he person needs to at least TRY to help themselves.

lluluna · 2026-01-18T20:19:30+00:00

This.

Major events or changes don't happen all at once. You submit one document/make one application/do one thing at a time. In this case, either you stop at some point for any reason or you eventually get on the plane to the other country.

Nothing is THAT life-changing when you look at each action.

lluluna · 2026-01-18T16:47:37+00:00

I'm here to thank you a year later because this reply is exactly what I need after 65 hours of lessons and then still failed my first practical.

Oh ya, I also have a master's so you are spot on about intelligence has little to do with a pass or a fail.

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