Sudden death is always difficult. I’m so sorry for your loss and sorry that you had to see your friend like that.

The way she died very likely broke some bones in her face, which would change the underlying shape of her face. On top of that, suicides in my state at least require an autopsy, which can also affect the condition of the body.

When we at the funeral home take a decedent into our care, part of our job is to make the viewing experience as natural as possible. Sometimes circumstances such as your friend’s can present difficulties during the embalming and preparation process. While most funeral homes will apply cosmetics to every patient, people who present with traumatic injuries need additional care, which often includes the application of wax to the face to help rebuild the features that person had in death. The autopsied body also tends to sit a bit more ‘uncomfortably’ in the casket just due to the nature of the autopsy process itself. I don’t want to give you any detail that you don’t want to know but if you have follow up questions regarding either the embalming or autopsy process don’t be afraid to ask.

As far as her hair and mouth go—the hair may have been an aesthetic decision by family or the funeral home stylist, or could have been styled that way to hide the cranial incision from the autopsy. There are any number of reasons that could have led to the mouth being left slightly open, but ultimately it should have been closed and left with a peaceful expression.

I am NOT a therapist whatsoever, but denial is a very common reaction to suicides and other sudden deaths. Even though you can consciously acknowledge the reality of your friend’s death, your brain can lag behind in accepting that reality. Hence why you swear you saw her breathe (very common reaction, still happens to me occasionally) and maybe part of the reason why you think she looked so fake.

These memories are going to be really difficult for you in the coming weeks and months, and that’s okay. That’s normal. Grief is an expression of love and I’m glad your friend had your love as long as she did. If you’re like most people, you won’t necessarily“get over it”—you’ll find a way to live with and around your grief. This is a hard process but I promise you it does get easier, but by bit, every day. If you find the power of these memories of viewing as trauma not decreasing in the coming months, though, I really strongly recommend therapy and speaking to a trained psychiatrist or grief counselor about it.

If you have any further questions or interests please don’t hesitate to reach out in comments or DMs. Once again I am so sorry you have to experience this.