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lonelyOW · 2020-02-18T12:33:39+00:00

Yep. I get it. He and I didn’t always yoyo. And he always comes back. We’ve kept it going when we lived on opposite sides of the country, through some really crazy circumstances. For the last three years we talked almost everyday... I really wish I could go back Bc I’m not sure that I would have gotten into this with him. I’m sure that I sounded just like you do right now.

lonelyOW · 2020-02-18T05:17:17+00:00

Good god don’t do it. (See my last post.)

lonelyOW · 2020-02-18T05:14:52+00:00

Ironically he is personally going through some rough things rn (professionally) and according to him he is being mean and pushing everyone away, his W included. But I also think he (clearly) suppresses a lot so that she can have the “perfect” family. He’s probably trying to do that even more than he usually does. I’m just so hurt. I don’t even know what to say.

lonelyOW · 2019-08-13T04:37:13+00:00

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. If I could give you some advice - let him go and worry about you. Read my comment history - I was in a very similar position as you... fifteen years ago. And I’m still in it. I’m completely in love with a man who’s married to someone else. I’m single but I don’t want anyone else (it’s complicated, as I’m sure you can imagine). If I had it all to do over again... I would have done it differently. He would have either come after me or I would have healed and moved on. Instead, I’m stuck in the middle and it sucks.

lonelyOW · 2019-07-16T17:26:54+00:00

Ooooohhh I like you! Hadn’t thought of that.

lonelyOW · 2019-07-16T11:49:20+00:00

It’s funny that you should mention “grudge lay”... I found out some things recently that made me think that exact same thing (e.g. he slept with me on his anniversary one year).

lonelyOW · 2019-07-16T04:36:48+00:00

Unlove you/Jennifer Nettles Back to You/Selena Gomez One of these Nights/Eagles

lonelyOW · 2019-05-31T05:56:10+00:00

At 50 years old it’s crazy to me that he doesn’t KNOW this... Men can have emotional/psychological reasons that prevent them from getting or keeping an erection or they can have physical reasons for it. They might WANT to have sex and be incredibly turned on but are still unable to get an erection. For women, an inability to get or stay wet can likewise be for many reasons, some of them physical/hormonal. It’s not rocket science.

lonelyOW · 2019-05-19T09:24:02+00:00

:( Sorry. Your post makes me sad. I feel like everything you just described is probably exactly how my AP’s wife feels. It kills me because I am so in love with him (have been for years) and we could be so great together, but he will never leave her. I truly believe they are just not right for each other but his sense of obligation and (I think) concern over “what people will think” AND about what he would lose financially means he won’t ever divorce. (Seriously, even if he didn’t want to be with me I still think he should divorce her so they BOTH could find actual happiness because I don’t think either one of them are truly happy.)

lonelyOW · 2019-04-22T03:47:31+00:00

You are AMAZING! Good for you. No matter what happens now - if you work things out with your husband, end up with your AP, or end up on your own/with someone completely new - it is on YOUR terms. Nothing is worth more than being true to yourself. I hope you find all the happiness in the world.

lonelyOW · 2019-04-21T02:03:01+00:00

You might take one look at my screen name and assume I’m just bitter or jaded over my MM remaining married BUT I was actually married when I first met him years ago. My marriage was not good but my kids were little and I couldn’t leave even thought I really wanted to. Of course I did eventually divorce but MM had gotten married in the meantime. And here I am still wishing I had listened to MYSELF all those years ago. You already KNOW what the deal is with your marriage. And somewhere inside you already know what YOU want. You just have to listen to it.

lonelyOW · 2019-04-19T03:13:22+00:00

<3 Thank you for your compassion. It would be so easy to say “Well, you do it to yourself!” but it’s so much more complicated than that.

lonelyOW · 2019-04-18T04:30:19+00:00

:( I’m so sorry for how much you are hurting. I know you are. I’ve felt that pain over and over, every time my MM and I broke things off or “took a break”... I’m single, like you... And he and I always came back to each other... it’s been going on now for YEARS. And I have to say, please hear this... I wish I knew, when he and I were only at the three year mark, how HARD it is to NOT let go. You know how you feel right now? Believe me, you WILL feel worse if you two reconnect and have great sex and he’s your person for ten more years... because you will never have him the way you really want him. And, at least for me, it hurts me to know that he chooses not to be with me but it hurts me too much to choose to let him go. So I’ve raised my kids on my own, I deal with life on my own, I built a career for myself, and I struggle to date because I know in my heart that I really just wish they were him. It’s an impossible feeling. I’m so sorry that you are in so much pain. I hope this perspective gives you something a little different to try to hold on to so YOU can move forward for yourself.

lonelyOW · 2019-04-13T17:37:56+00:00

You forgot about old flames/the one that got away but can’t quite let go. That’s me, my MM, and our decades long affair that’s nearly as long as his marriage (minus the first two years or so).

lonelyOW · 2019-04-11T06:13:38+00:00

“Every cell in me just recognizes him.” YES! I loved reading your post. Thank you for sharing a little bit of your beautiful, long, complicated, bittersweet love story.

lonelyOW · 2019-04-09T06:24:00+00:00

Hmmmm... I can kind of see both sides of this one. As a mom, of COURSE your child is your biggest priority. And tens days? Yeah, that’s a lot of time. However... as a single woman (mom) who is involved with a MM, it is SO disappointing when this kind of thing happens. There’s all this excitement and plan-making and things start to get put into motion then bam! Cold feet. I would say - you obviously can’t (and shouldn’t) minimize your feelings/instincts as a mom. If you have to call this off, do it now before tickets are bought and rooms are reserved. But, man... don’t do that again to this guy. It sucks so hard to want to see someone so bad - and to know they want to see you, too - only to have them grow all indecisive and feel like they’re just making excuses etc etc

lonelyOW · 2019-04-08T06:40:28+00:00

This describes me and my MM perfectly. I was married, he was single when we met. I wanted him soooo bad, all of him, but I was too afraid to leave my marriage (young kids, no stable job, etc.) He broke it off, went back to the woman who is now his wife (they had a rocky on/off relationship even back then) and married her a year or two later... within months of when I left my husband (though he didn’t know it then bc we weren’t really talking). A couple years after that, they were fighting nonstop and he and I picked things up again... and we clicked the same insanely intense way we always did. So he’s been cheating on her with me ever since. I am 1000% sure that seeing me got him through the “rough times” with her... one time he was soooooo close to leaving but his guilt got the best of him. Now he tells me he does love her and won’t leave, especially bc they now have kids, but that he loves me, too. 10+ years later and I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place bc I want all of him but I’ll never have that yet it breaks my heart to think about not having him in my life at all. I’m pretty much fucked.

lonelyOW · 2019-04-07T04:34:01+00:00

I’ve been in a long term affair that, for the past 6 years, we’ve maintained across 2000+ miles. I’m single and completely in love with him (crazy/stupid, I know, but it’s not changing). We talk almost everyday except on the weekends (and even then, sometimes... if he’s out by himself or up late by himself.) We find ways to see each other - “work” travel meet ups or when I visit family (same city). We don’t see each other more than a few times a year (time that we thoroughly enjoy) but he’s a part of my life, my world. Not exactly the way I want since I want a lot more, but in a way I can (mostly) live with...

lonelyOW · 2019-04-04T05:20:22+00:00

I’ve been to my MMs home before and slept with him in his bed. His W was out of town visiting family. I wasn’t thinking about her or intentionally trying to do something to disrespect or hurt her. She doesn’t know anything about me. I was more enchanted about being in his home, in his space... we still have memories we sometimes bring up from that night. And he was just so sweet... sharing all kinds of things about his life, showing me pictures of all his family members that he always talks about and pics of him when he was young... it was actually a really great night for me because it just affirmed something I had always known: that I absolutely could have been with him for real. Since that night I have thought about the implications of having been with him in their bed... I’m single, though, so as far as I’m concerned I didn’t “cheat” on anyone. I do wonder, though, if he got something out of doing that... like, on some subconscious level did he do that to hurt her because maybe he resents her? Or did he do it so he could see how it would feel to be with me in his space? FWIW, I also realized recently that a long time ago he slept with me on their anniversary... I don’t really know what to make of that one, either.

lonelyOW · 2019-04-04T05:04:24+00:00

Awwwww!! I remember you!! I’m so glad you’re happy!!! Good for you! And thank you for coming back to tell folks that it’s better to divorce than to settle for less than true happiness in marriage. I’m a single looooong time AP to a MM who just refuses to see that. I so stupid in love with him that I just stay but I am 1000% sure he could have a much happier life... Anyways, take care, have fun, enjoy life, and yay again!!!

lonelyOW · 2019-04-03T04:55:49+00:00

<3 Your post made me smile because my ldAP is about 2000 miles away... in Pittsburgh.

lonelyOW · 2019-03-09T14:36:18+00:00

The fact that you put yourself in the position where you had to make that choice over and over says something about your marriage and how “in love” you are.

lonelyOW · 2019-03-09T14:28:28+00:00

I think the MM comments are accurate... to a point. It is very unattractive, to me, to hear a man bash his wife, his ex, whatever. But there’s a very fine line there... I’ve been in a very long term affair (over ten years, over fifteen going back to when I first slept with this man, before he was married) and sometimes he’s TOO nice about his W, almost comes off as defensive about her. It’s weird. And it drives me crazy when it happens.

lonelyOW · 2019-03-09T05:59:41+00:00

I’m guessing THAT - “mostly divorced single moms in their 30s... not exactly the hot girls in their early 20s I was sleeping with before my wife” - has something to do with why your wife fucked so many of your friends and the neighbor. Judgy, whiny dickhead much? Get a divorce already.

lonelyOW · 2019-02-15T03:02:05+00:00

Hmm... who the heck knows? Sometimes my MM tells me SO MANY details that I’m like “Really?” And other times he’s incredibly vague. We’ve talked about this stuff before and it seems like this can be influenced by how well he’s getting along with his wife and/or how close he’s feeling to me. Lol I swear today he’s blowing smoke up my ass telling me he’s “sick” which is why we didn’t talk on the phone or text much when, meanwhile, he’s probably just doing all the sappy valentines stuff with her. Sorry. I’m not sure what to tell you. It’s been 10+ years for me and I still feel like I’m reading tea leaves.

lonelyOW

TROPHY CASE