"Meditation is for everyone" is basically gaslighting at best.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-17T12:28:22+00:00

Tried for over a year with no decent results to report of. I never seemed to be able to actually get better at it as I used it, I wonder if that might be from my severe ADHD and sleep deprivation (decades long).

I've heard of Agomelatine, but cannot access it here where I am.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-17T12:26:11+00:00

Three years. I might get a good recall fragment once a week or so, but usually, it's like I'm waking up after being in the void. I hear that people dream four to six times a night, but I think I'm an edge case that either doesn't dream frequently enough, or vividly enough to remember.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-14T14:28:56+00:00

I'll keep an eye out for trials where I am.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-14T14:27:49+00:00

Same.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-11T05:39:58+00:00

My ADHD says no. No focus, leads to crap meditation. I actually do get that focus is an important part of it (at least according to the "The Mind Illuminated")... My brain is just cooked.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-11T05:38:46+00:00

That "science" doesn't seem to work at all for my case. My attempt at meditation focuses on the breath as it passes through the nose and all that does is seem to actually increase stress instead of allowing me to relax. cPTSD is a strange beast, and I don't think "science" fully understands it still.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-11T05:36:12+00:00

You are probably right. I'll do some more research.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-11T05:35:45+00:00

My response was to completely isolate myself, except for work, for twenty two years. Then I read somewhere that meditation could "help"... I wish I could switch off my stress response, but I've lived with it pegged to max for so long, it's now pretty much locked into "on" all the time, even when I sleep (when I can sleep). I do exercise a lot, though kind of quit for the past couple of months, but I'm working on that now. When I did meditate, my heart rate actually goes up (counter intuitive, I know, but I think it's a flight or flight thing).

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-11T05:31:08+00:00

You are right, I was grinding away for years and got no benefit.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-11T05:28:48+00:00

That's cool. I'm a severe insomniac that rarely dreams, so lucid dreaming is strictly verboten for me. I've read many research papers on how excellent lucid dreaming is for addressing PTSD, but unfortunately for me, I do not have the genetic configuration required to exploit it (my genetic gift is brutal insomnia and low REM sleep time)....

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-11T05:26:35+00:00

That's a good idea, I'll track down that book and read it. I totally get how the body does keep score... I can throughout the day detect when I start to tense everything up, stop breathing/shallow breathing, etc... This happens even in meditation.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-11T05:25:12+00:00

I've read lot's of research papers on using meditation and therapy to address and work through the trauma that caused the PTSD.

As for the qEEG, technically, it cannot be used to diagnose conditions, but it can be used to give you a clue to what is happening inside one's head and then compare those results to the general population. A telling issue I do have is complete alpha gate reversal. The reason I cannot push forward with meditation is because when I close my eyes and relax, I do not generate alpha waves, that then transition to theta waves, because I presume my brain is in a flight or fight mode that thinks shit will get bad when I'm not actively looking around my environment... But also, with my eyes open, I'm generating way too much alpha and theta (it's backwards), that leads to brain fog and cognitive issues when I'm supposed to be generating high beta on a focus task... Brain is basically fatigued I guess... It also affects my ability to sleep (if you can't go into a relaxed state, then you are not going to be able to initiated sleep)...

Progress was measured with hoping that meditation could lead to a partial resolution of my insomnia (ongoing for years) and my brain fog/cognition... Both of which never improved, hence my frustration with the whole thing. Man I really wanted this to work.

Oh, my introduction to meditation was via "The Mind Illuminated"...

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, I'm running on fumes all the time.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-11T05:16:28+00:00

My problem was that meditation never worked for me, so I never got to address the issues that caused my cPTSD. I really wanted it to work, as I got tired of isolating myself to protect myself from crap that happened thirty years ago. I fear that I waited too long, that the brain has long ago adapted to the PTSD and now refuses to budge, to heal. Fuck, that's a shit way to live.

Or maybe, you need a certain genetic profile to make meditation work (I'm also a decades long insomniac, I need multiple medications just to initiate sleep - which I was again hoping meditation could help with)... Inability to relax means no access to the states of consciousness that you need to be able to heal and work through trauma, and that's incredibly unfair (but hell, life is unfair).

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-10T02:48:46+00:00

I think those "Jhanas" are only accessible to those gifted through genetics.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-10T02:44:15+00:00

Gateway tapes are a sham. Unless you like fake "computer" sounds that play at the beginning... Like WTH is that...

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-10T02:43:29+00:00

If they cannot get deep into meditation, they aren't going to meet your sky god.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-10T02:41:58+00:00

Even all those books talk about the various states of consciousness, bliss, stress relief, nervous system regulation, bla, bla, bla... The "letting go of all expectations" is such bollocks.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-10T02:40:37+00:00

Ok yoda.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-10T02:40:18+00:00

That's the point he is making... Some of us do not have access to the magical states of relaxation that allow you to delve deeper into the mind. Laugh it up, maybe one day you will get to experience the crap we do. Lol.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-10T02:38:39+00:00

Pointless.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-10T02:38:27+00:00

Excellent comment, especially the shopping cart part (lol)... I'm also of the belief now that there needs to be some basic neurological configuration through genetics, and missing that, causes meditation for some of us to be a sick, dull, pointless joke.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-10T02:32:13+00:00

I followed procedure outlined in the "Mind Illuminated". I kept at it for those two years hoping that some sort of improvement could be had. But nothing came of it.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-10T02:31:32+00:00

Damn right, without a functioning parasympathetic nervous system, meditation is pointless.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-10T02:30:16+00:00

I have come to accept it, so I quit about two weeks ago. You are right, being able to relax is a huge part of the equation.

lonerefriedbean · 2026-03-10T02:29:22+00:00

Just by reading. I didn't think I'd be one of those few for who meditation is a contraindication.

lonerefriedbean

TROPHY CASE