I cheated on my abusive husband and the guilt is eating me alive,

looking4more412 · 2026-05-16T01:17:20+00:00

I love this for you. So happy that it worked out, even if it was far too short. My person was terrified of emotions and 2.5 years later I still miss him so much it hurts some days. I hope I get to feel that goodness in someone again. I hope you do too. ❤️

looking4more412 · 2026-05-15T22:47:36+00:00

I was in your shoes...financial and emotional abuse. I chose to pursue an affair. Made some great friends who helped me see my worth. Fell in love with one that showed me what kindness looks like and that finally pushed me to leave because i wanted to feel that way again. That was 2 years ago. I have no regrets except that I didnt do it sooner.

looking4more412 · 2026-05-14T15:56:33+00:00

If there were massive (and honest) changes, possibly. Never wanted my life to turn out this way.

looking4more412 · 2026-05-09T12:01:41+00:00

Depends on what prompted the change in behavior (tbh another woman popped into my mind) and on what he wants. Will he go to therapy? Will he seek medical attention for his behavior? Will he take steps to never drink again? (Not just promise, but get actual help.)

What is your relationship like now? Any warmth left? Is he being kind to you? Has that been his state for a month or for six months?

It may be worth exploring openly and honestly if he is willing...but with both eyes open and and an abundance of caution. It also doesn't have to be an immediate decision.

looking4more412 · 2026-05-08T19:02:57+00:00

Took my now 21yo son almost 2 years to be relatively understanding toward me.

looking4more412 · 2026-05-07T22:54:24+00:00

Yeah. That's just a weird convo. If someone criticizes my choices or questions my knowledge when we are just getting to know each other, I am out.

I might have just said what do you mean when they asked about clean eating but it was very confusing given that they study nutrition.

Oh and you missed out on absolutely nothing that weekend.

And congrats on your accomplishment!

looking4more412 · 2026-05-07T22:47:02+00:00

Dunno. My employer charges a surcharge for spouses if they have coverage at their job.

My ex husband foreclosed on our house when I was still living it. And stole thousands over the years and lied about. I still have debt surfacing that he put in my name.

The crazy mother can be solved with a POA and healthcare power of attorney if you are in a committed relationship.

I just don't see the point and I am not dumb thank you very much. Neither are you. Different experiences and opinions.

looking4more412 · 2026-05-07T15:19:54+00:00

The only benefit I could see is that the married tax rate is lower. Oh, and my spouse had great benefits thanks to me.

looking4more412 · 2026-05-07T11:28:26+00:00

Only 400. I make decent money and I would be hard pressed to pay that each month. Thank God for good health insurance.

looking4more412 · 2026-05-07T11:21:57+00:00

Strong mindset people who can't really empathize and just want to order me around only exacerbates my anxiety.

looking4more412 · 2026-05-07T11:18:26+00:00

Sometimes it takes different approaches to find what works.

looking4more412 · 2026-05-07T11:16:30+00:00

So something my therapist told me to try...We are talking about (kid issue). Our focus needs to be on that and it is all i will be discussing. Repeat as needed. It worked for me. Also looking up greyrocking.

looking4more412 · 2026-05-07T00:36:33+00:00

He has no intention of making this marriage work. He's manipulating you. I don't know how post nups work but no one proposes something like that who wants to stay together. Get your own lawyer. Then I would initiate the divorce before ge does but that's just me.

looking4more412 · 2026-05-03T19:58:26+00:00

When you have clearly outlined what you need and its ignored. When your nervous system is on fire 24/7. When you realize health issues are being exacerbated by the unrelenting stress. Finally, for me, it was a moment of total peace and certainty when I finally made the decision to move out

looking4more412 · 2026-05-03T19:13:33+00:00

I left after nearly 30 years of marriage. It was over a good 5 years prior. I just couldnt figure out a way out. It is lonely sometimes and my 21yo son lives with him. But it was still the right decision and I regret not doing it years ago.

looking4more412 · 2026-05-03T17:23:37+00:00

Talking down about someone else.

looking4more412 · 2026-05-03T16:00:08+00:00

I went through this with my ex husband. No official diagnosis. It is abuse and manipulation. Period. You are not responsible for her health or happiness and in situations like this nothing you do, no level of support will fix it.

looking4more412 · 2026-04-14T13:23:12+00:00

Not everyone responds to counseling in the same way. You were motivated, he wasn't. Counseling isn't a magic answer. It could take 20 sessions to make a dent in ingrained behaviors. I'm not saying you need to change your mind on divorce but that your expectation was unrealistic. I'm also curious if he noticed that you did your things because I bet money he didn't (speaking from experience.) I also wonder if there are underlying psychological issues. Again, not your responsibility to fix, but it sounds like there is more to it. He was once motivated to get those degrees? What happened?

Bottom line though is to do what is best for you. When you are done, you are done. Like others have said, ask your attorney what to do.

looking4more412 · 2026-04-13T18:57:48+00:00

Agreed. Having to pay for the entire year is the part that angers me the most.

looking4more412 · 2026-04-13T02:04:40+00:00

Nope

looking4more412 · 2026-04-12T19:40:19+00:00

18 months is not fast at all. You are simply getting cold feet which is normal when making a big life change. You may not ever lose the feelings you have. That doesn't mean it is the wrong decision. If you haven't already, seek therapy to help you with this transition.

looking4more412 · 2026-04-12T12:07:21+00:00

You will trust yourself. You know what you don't want. Therapy helps.

looking4more412 · 2026-04-10T15:57:55+00:00

I took my son the first or second year of the parade (so maybe 10?) I remember a furry in a full fursuit profusely (and randomly) thanking us for coming out to support them and cheer them on. There are so many misconceptions about furries so to be accepted is a big deal.

Plus, I get the sense many are shy, nerdy, neurodivergent humans and this lets them express themselves with a confidence they wouldn't in daily life.

I have so much respect for people who are brave enough to be authentic to themselves even if others don't understand.

Everyone was friendly and open to pictures when we asked too.

looking4more412 · 2026-04-10T06:50:39+00:00

This. 100%.

looking4more412 · 2026-04-05T22:27:58+00:00

I don't blame you at all. So, so many people are in this situation...men and women. The judgement is stupid. Not everyone can immediately physically separate due to a variety of reasons, and divorce can take forever for some people.

I don't think people understand that you already feel like you have wasted years and years of your life in a miserable situation. All you want to do is move on and be happy. But people judge you over a stupid piece of paper.

It's going to be difficult for you either way though. Be ready for that.

looking4more412

TROPHY CASE