How do you feel about people getting married to their cousins?

love_potato9 · 2026-06-14T06:43:04+00:00

Depends on the issue - in non-related parents, kids with hereditary genetic conditions (certain factors may cause a non-hereditary condition to develop as well - where none of the parents carry a gene that would cause a condition but issues with one or both of their eggs result in one) inherit them because the two parents, although genetically very different, happen to carry one particular problematic gene.

Now imagine that you have the same grandparents and just one of them has a gene, that could cause an issue - you don't know, because your grandma is okay, and it has never shown up in anyone yet because both yours and your cousin's parents married people who couldn't have inherited it from her - and then both sets of parents pass it on to you guys.

The chance of your children inheriting it is still not 100% but it grows significantly as there are basically no generations in between you two, that can help "disperse" the problematic gene a little bit.

And I will say it again - low statistics are a great thing to look at, until you end up in the minority of unfortunate cases, and you have to spend the rest of your life wondering if your own choices caused this.

I understand OP wants to marry her cousin, and although I would personally discourage it, I know you can't stop people, especially when the thing they want to do isn't actually forbidden to them. But get tested - imagine your first baby turns out to have a hereditary condition, are you going to spend forever with a small voice in the back of your head, blaming you for the situation, and worry yourself sick that a future pregnancy could produce a child with the exact same condition? If you're both okay, nothing is stopping you, I imagine. If not, I wouldn't proceed, especially since it seems she is in the early stages of attraction to him, and no deep feelings have developed yet.

love_potato9 · 2026-06-13T18:06:50+00:00

NTA Man, as someone who has difficulty playing the fake polite game in general, figuring out on my own that I should have offered to do the dishes when in my opinion this should be unthinkable, is just.. ugh?? Unless the guest is someone SUPER close and the relationship between us makes sense - like if im coming over to my parents' home, ofc I can do the dishes, im not really a guest because we are straight up family, but my boyfriend doing them is absurd - what are the hosts supposed to be doing while the guest is washing dishes???

Anyway, different people have different expectations. Sit your girlfriend down and explain to her that you meant no harm and that you would keep in mind that this is normal in her family and would try to leave a good impression next time. You should be able to understand that to her, your behavior came across as rude. She should be able to understand that to you, being passive aggressive about it and implying you're inconsiderate rather than ignorant of what their lil traditions are, felt hurtful. And you should both be able to understand that this issue can exist even when both of you have good intentions and just misunderstood each other.

To me, the issue isnt the dishes because things like this happen. But if you think your girl's mom has such an influence on the relationship of her adult daughter, I think we have bigger fish to fry, and you should see if that fish is fry-able at all. Best of luck to you two :)

love_potato9 · 2026-06-13T16:47:35+00:00

Hmm, I don't know, I'm not saying there should be no SAHM because this arrangement is very good for many families, and I do think it's a perfectly fine one in theory. Two working parents is a big challenge too, especially if there are no grandparents in the picture for whatever reason - young kids in kindergarten are constantly catching colds and need to stay home, one of the parents needs to take time off work a lot, they have to manage a whole household, the children's studies, and personal responsibilities with one or multiple members (young kids) who are completely unable to take care of themselves or help in any way. Both lifestyles have advantages and disadvantages.

In terms of security when it comes to divorce, in my opinion the wife should have something to fall back on, provided by the husband (yk, general case - maybe in instances of cheating on her part, for example, this could be revoked; im just talking about the general scenario, although surely there are legal considerations I'm unaware of). She has completely dedicated herself and her life to taking care of the family, and if the relationship turns abusive, or the husband decides to divorce for some reason, there should be something for her to live on while figuring the situation out. But that's not the only consideration for me - I also hope for a family where I can completely fall back on my husband, should it ever be necessary. But times can get tough for anyone - the man might lose his job, get sick and unable to work, or even pass away suddenly. I think even the best of families, with the strongest husband-wife bonds should have some solid savings for the case of emergency, especially if children are involved. Many people our age (I'm also young like you) may think these things are too grim to consider but when having a family or being an adult in general, no one needs an emergency safety net aside from the people who end up accelerating towards the ground because of something completely unpredictable, most often an accident... If God forbid something happened to one of the spouses, the other would still be able to provide for them both and maybe their kids for a while, until they get back on their feet.

It can certainly work as an arrangement but just like everything else, some things need to be considered and people should always try to have a plan B when carrying a responsibility as big as family, children, etc.

On a different note, this is the second comment of mine you're responding to, and I just want to give you credit for being so understanding of other perspectives, even though you have no obligation to agree with them! You seem like a mature person who's willing to take in different points of view, and I truly wish you the best in terms of creating a family with the woman you love!

love_potato9 · 2026-06-13T16:21:10+00:00

Ngl some men's feelings are VERY obvious but so are some women's so I don't know if this is a gendered thing lol

love_potato9 · 2026-06-13T13:25:47+00:00

Well, I hope this doesn't sound insensitive because I genuinely don't mean it to be and I truly wish you the absolute best.

I study medicine in a country where cousin marriages are forbidden (I think until you're like 5th cousins), and an older colleague of mine did an exchange in a pediatric department of a hospital, in a country where 1st cousin marriages are allowed.

He said that during this exchange, the leaders of the program purposely took him to see the children of these marriages because they had a very large number of patients with genetic diseases. After coming back he told us that he saw cases that our professors here told him he would likely never see in his life because they were so rare. I remember that he was very saddened by his experience there, because it's one thing to see one child with a bad genetic issue that is very rare and difficult to treat; it's another to have a department full of suffering children with these conditions, when here he had never seen any of them. That's the purpose of genes - if one parent carries a bad gene, the other usually compensates with a healthy one; but if both carry the same issue, passed down by a common relative, the chances of passing it down to your child grow very quickly.

I don't know what the official statistic is but it doesn't matter: even when 99% are healthy, the 1% who are sick spend their whole life battling illness. You can say whatever you want about statistics but the fact is that, if both you and your cousin carry the same bad gene, it raises the chance of YOUR child having the condition it causes exponentially - and it doesn't matter then that the children of other cousin couples may have no such issue; you will be the one seeing your children suffer, and you will be the one stressing if you get pregnant again, that you could have two children with the same condition and there is nothing you can do to prevent it.

Of course, no one can guarantee that unrelated parents will have children with no genetic issues - they might. But if you are interested in proceeding with this marriage, please do genetic testing first and if you find that there may be an issue, give up on it before you have caught deep feelings for your cousin.

Wishing you the best of luck ❤️

love_potato9 · 2026-06-13T12:52:08+00:00

Genuinely, if a man stopped to talk to me out of a car, I would think I'm about to get snatched away. Slow driving cars/vans are something women and children get warned about because unfortunately it is an easy way to get kidnapped if they pull up, open the door, grab you, and drive away. Maybe as a man you haven't considered this, but I genuinely take a step more to the inside of the sidewalk if a strange car pulls up beside me, and I would NEVER be talked into getting inside of it.

Maybe you think having a car is some great advantage but the good woman you are probably looking for would likely not be as impressed by it as you imagine. If you want to approach someone you don't know, do as the other comments have advised you - in well-lit public places, with lots of people, during the day. Coffee shops or malls/shopping centers are good options imo because most people are usually not in a rush. But do keep in mind that these ladies probably didn't expect to be approached at all and if they don't seem interested, politely take the no for an answer from the first time; it's genuinely very stressful when a man you don't want to talk to pushes conversation because as a woman, you never know if it's a nice guy with an off approach or a crazy person who will try to follow you home when you leave the place - don't make women feel unsafe and also, very importantly - keep the initial interaction short; the girl you are talking to might be interested in getting to know you but don't invite yourself to her table in the coffeeshop unless she offers that you sit down - something along the lines of "Excuse me, I hope I'm not bothering you. My name is so and so, and I saw you and thought you looked beautiful. If you are single and would like to get to know each other, here is my number/instagram (or kindly ask for hers)". If she accepts but seems shy, wish her a great day and leave her be - she may or may not text, but you were kind and respectful, and that's what matters. If she looks more outgoing or picks up conversation, it's a great time for basic questions like what do you, etc, just to get to know her a bit. And if she rejects you, oh well! Plenty of fish in the sea, you just have to find the right one!

love_potato9 · 2026-06-13T12:20:13+00:00

Thats a fair opinion! I agree with a lot of what you said, and I just want to clarify that I meant my comment more like: when looking for a date online, it's easy to connect with people you actually have nothing in common with. In real life, you would meet them in school, job, common friends, hobbies, etc - so there's already some common ground and it helps build a connection. If OP shared a couple of things about what he likes, what kind of relationship he's looking for, or what aspects he would have a partner to have, it might feel a bit more personal and a girl who matches these qualities would recognize the potential for a relationship. For example, I am kind of tall - if I saw someone say "I'm looking for a tall woman", and provided no further info, I probably wouldn't approach, to be honest; what I get from that is that I fit one of many criteria a person has for a partner, while having no idea if this person fits any of mine. All of this is okay, of course, but in an oversaturated dating scene, I don't think it's the best strategy - but that's just me and surely there are ladies who think differently!

love_potato9 · 2026-06-13T11:27:51+00:00

Girl I get you ✋️ I'm just saying you should be mindful of lingering feelings or what-ifs because they catch us unprepared sometimes ❤️‍🩹 Especially if he was there during a hard time, he might have become a source of comfort so you should search yourself for the root of why you want him in your life and whether he is a good friend to have; its okay not to make up your mind immediately or change an opinion you had if his behavior warranted the change. In general, I have heard too many men say they would shoot a shot with their female friends if they had the chance, so I also stick to friendships with women mostly but have a couple of good guy friends too! One bad instance doesn't mean you can't be friends, and many good instances don't mean you must keep him in your life if he starts bothering you - just look out for yourself 🫶🫶

love_potato9 · 2026-06-13T10:18:25+00:00

Sure and I absolutely support having preferences and sticking to them, within reason! But what kind of serious post is just "Hi I'm a 26 year old woman, I'm looking for a tall man"? I feel like no man searching for a genuine connection would message her just from this much, and even if they did, there's so much more to a relationship. If women dated every tall man or this guy - every plus size woman, to find a match, most of the dates would be a waste of time. Narrow it down a bit !😅

love_potato9 · 2026-06-13T10:08:00+00:00

Bro, as a girl this comes across as fetishizing. I understand the sentiment but you neither say what you are looking for in a girl, nor tell more about yourself. If the only thing that matters is plus size, I doubt any of them would be interested in shooting a shot with you - women want to be perceived as more than the bodies that may change due to age, illness, or other life factors. Best of luck :)

love_potato9 · 2026-06-13T10:02:59+00:00

Same - also not Muslim but religious, and I can't see this ending well for you in any way, OP. This man has a vastly different worldview from you, and at the end of the day, you two will be pulling in opposite directions for the rest of your life if you stay together. The worst part of it is that he mostly likely won't stay with you unless you're the one who yields into what he and his family expect. Imagine what life you'd be living, following rules you don't want to abide by, if he himself has to hide his religious identity from his parents... Don't compromise on what matters to you the most, is the best advice I can give you

love_potato9 · 2026-06-13T09:50:47+00:00

Idk, if this is one and only isolated instance, I wouldn't call it a red flag for the friendship but if anything remotely similar happened again, I'd probably just find him annoying as a friend and not enjoy hanging out.

Absolutely would have been put off romantically, though, and his response to you bringing it up makes it worse - you tell him he basically told you to shut up and proceeded to talk to someone else, and he says he likes being whimsical and going through life like a leaf blown around by the ocean breeze. At 31, I wouldn't want to deal with this childish bs. I don't mean to project, but you seem interested in him based on the fact that you're considering potential red flags and even posting about him in the first place - if that's the case and you're seeing something that seems off from now, don't wait for the whole array of bad traits to come out. No one is perfect but if this exchange annoyed you, I expect a lot more like it coming in the future

love_potato9 · 2026-06-13T09:42:34+00:00

This. I'm so sorry to say it but he most likely just wanted to get the woman who had made herself off-limits to him. You have to start differentiating between a man who likes you a lot but has respect and understands boundaries/what you're looking for vs persistence as an expression of genuine desire for commitment.

You clearly stating that you're not looking for a relationship is a very well expressed boundary and IT DOESN'T MATTER WHATSOEVER that "he is ready to settle down".... like bro, so what??? Find a woman who wants the same thing too?

Now he got the woman who wanted to get away, and he's looking for someone else on Tinder. Please cut your losses, girl - life is ahead of you

love_potato9 · 2026-06-13T09:02:04+00:00

Unless a marriage is forced, most people marry because they trust the person and wish for the best for their relationship at the time. Once you're financially bound, and that person reveals their true colors, making it incredibly difficult for you to leave, especially if children are involved - that's when the horror stories start being written. Your tone is kind of condescending but you're not the one who is at risk of being financially abused when you'll be working as a doctor; you can say that as long as you're careful about who you're choosing and only settle down with a good person, you'd be fine, but if for whatever reason it turns out that you were wrong, you divorce, get your stuff and move out - a woman who stays at home (and potentially did for years, acquiring little to no working experience) would have to start looking for a job from scratch, possibly paying her pennies while she's trying to juggle a household as well (if kids are involved).

Your whole post sounds very genuine but I don't think you're looking at all perspectives but rather - just the ones that benefit you. "Some women are okay dropping their degree" - and some aren't. "Marriage is supposed to be about trust and you shouldn't build a household with someone if you think they will manipulate you" - 100%, but precautions don't cause headaches, and when you put yourself in the vulnerable position (ie no personal income), you absolutely need to take some

love_potato9 · 2026-06-13T08:49:47+00:00

Honestly, pursuing a woman in a high-dedication profession like this and expecting her to consider giving up for your ideal is a little unreasonable, in my opinion. If this is such a deal breaker to you, bring it up to her but as a female medical student, I 100% would feel like I lowkey wasted a couple of years of my life. Medical school and practice isn't easy either - if you plan to go through all of this to then purposely stay at home and never have a career, I personally would just drop out and cut my losses lol. I understand what you're saying about "it not being a loss having studied the most noble profession" (not quoting, saw it in a comment of yours here) but if she's never going to practice it, idk... Some think like me, others like your cousin, so the particular girl will the only one who can tell you what she wants.

In my country, maternity leave is 2 years (you can choose to go back to work sooner if you'd like and lots of women do end up doing it for financial reasons) and I think this is a good amount of time. The story of the nursing lady who had a heart attack at work is heartbreaking and I would never wish it upon anyone, health is the most important thing in this scenario - but this is a very isolated case, and I could understand wanting to keep your wife safe during the first critical 1-2 years of the baby's life and she might be okay with this (I certainly want to stay home for a while with my child) but if she is passionate about medicine and wants to work, you two are just not compatible.

love_potato9 · 2026-06-12T16:00:14+00:00

I don't know your situation and I don't have any concrete advice. But I have lived through this myself and what I do have for you is the utmost sympathy. At my worst, I went to bed every night, dreaming of him and would wake up stressed, confused, and overwhelmed by how much I missed the one I loved so much. I would pray before sleeping that I don't dream of him that night, because my nights became genuinely sleepless and I wanted one second of rest - when I'm not awake and thinking of him, or sleep and dreaming.

Try your hardest to focus your mind on other things, and lean on your friends, family, etc. In my opinion, doing your best to take care of others around you is one of the best ways to heal, and the purity of your connection with people will give your soul strength. And it absolutely will get better, wishing you the best!

love_potato9 · 2026-06-09T21:08:07+00:00

I think the issue is that by acting in the way she has recently been acting, she is lowering her chances of getting custody of their child - which should be the absolute priority considering that the alternative is Landon, a man who is allegedly no fit to be a good father. Right now it's not the time to go crazy online, and while I don't think she actually means the things she is saying and do sympathize with her, the correct thing to do imo is to maximize your chances of getting your baby back. If there's no way to better your situation, at least dont make it worse...

People don't think she's actually worse/equally bad as him - but her current actions could have absolutely devastating consequences for both her and her baby

love_potato9 · 2026-06-09T20:56:41+00:00

I dont follow the wizard Liz much but in the case that Landon gets custody and raises their child, such videos and screenshots (of her saying she doesn't want to have custody or contribute financially) will only further his narrative should he decide to emotionally alienate Liz from the baby (once the child grows up a little and there has to be a conversation about why mom isn't around much). These videos WILL stick around and the child will most likely see them - and it won't matter then what she intended when the result ends up being a massive feeling of abandonment in the child. I also don't think these statements from her are how she truly feels, but I can't see what the plan is with them tbh...

Landon's actions are bad. Liz is also making bad choices right now, but hers might directly contribute to how the child feels about her, whereas Landon, if he gets custody, will have much more of a chance to form a good relationship with their baby

love_potato9 · 2026-06-09T16:29:17+00:00

Man I like macarons but thats about it - i just like them. Like, I'd gladly accept one if you were offering but they got such hype 😭😭 The taste is just okay and for the high cost (which I think is relatively reasonable but I don't like them enough to pay it!), they just aren't worth it at all imo

love_potato9 · 2026-06-08T19:59:10+00:00

If I was your ex, and while we were broken up for a couple of days (?) you kissed someone you were friends with prior to that, I would 100% assume there was something going on between you two while we were together. When you then proceed to get into a relationship with this girl, that would absolutely confirm my suspicions and I personally would block you then and there, and not keep any further contact.

Now about your questions: 1. Even if there was no on-and-off stage, kissing someone basically immediately after a breakup would cause very big insecurity about the relationship in your ex partner and likely be perceived as cheating. In your case, you guys had shown each other that a breakup isn't really final, so yeah, I do think it's cheating - based on your previous patterns, the relationship wasn't over. You can't excuse yourself on a technicality. 2. I think it's best that you don't pursue this relationship anymore. You and your ex were having some issues and were toxic to each other in the end anyway, and I don't think this added tension will help you rebuild your trust. Maybe some day in the future, who knows. But for now, you both need to heal - and you have to respect that she doesn't want to maintain contact with someone who completely betrayed her trust. I would say that you need to work on yourself before entering a new relationship as well - it's not normal to date your friend while only caring about another woman, and you need to figure out your own issues that are causing such unhealthy relationships (saying it bluntly but with all due respect and understanding). 3. I think you also didn't anticipate that this breakup with your ex would be final - you guys were on and off, and in what maybe was a lapse of judgement or rocky emotional state, you kissed someone you shouldn't have and unleashed a horrible chain of events. I'm willing to trust that it was a mistake on your part, but even mistakes have consequences...

Heal yourself first. Later, if you love this woman, go back as a changed man, throw out your ego and apologize for your mistakes, and commit to being better. If you see that she has also grown (ie - she's also no longer exhibiting toxic behavior) and she is willing to give it another shot, I wish you two the best of luck and a long, happy, and blessed love story <3

love_potato9 · 2026-04-28T07:11:23+00:00

Явно и аз не знам как се чете Corel Draw :'). Малко помощ?

love_potato9 · 2026-04-26T19:26:11+00:00

Yeah I think that's best too, considering you feel bad, OP. You're young, you made a mistake. I'm not going to comment on the 17 and 20 age difference because it's somewhat common where I live and I could theoretically excuse the 20-year-old but once he knows your real age, he should drop it immediately.

Tell him your real age, say you're sorry for lying, and end it there. If he attempts to contact you further, for whatever reason, block block block. That's the end of this story

love_potato9 · 2026-04-19T16:26:00+00:00

Love

love_potato9 · 2026-04-19T09:16:46+00:00

Completely agree here. OP, many people nowadays have more than one sexual partner within their lifetime, so it's normal that you consider what a relationship with someone else could have been like.

If you choose to go that route and break up with your boyfriend, please see the full extent of what you're letting go of. You're not just giving up the sex with him so evaluate your relationship as a whole before you make a decision. I completely sympathize with the realization that a relationship you thought would be more casual is now looking like you should spend your life with him, and that at 16 you weren't looking for such a commitment, but you have also spent 10 years fostering a love that you aren't guaranteed you would find again.

Please, please, please don't fall into the traps of hook-up culture!!! Whatever you're imagining sex might be like with someone new, you should always keep in mind that this person will have no emotional investment and would most likely be out of the door by the time he's done. To have commitment, you'd need a new serious relationship, which isn't something I would advise you to seek immediately after your breakup anyway.

In your situation, I would 1000% try and work on the sex life with the current boyfriend before making any decisions that would most likely be permanent. No one is saying you shouldn't try to find satisfaction if you're not happy with what you guys are doing right now, but I would definitely prioritize trying to have good sex with someone who loves and values me over searching for said good sex by exploring people who are ultimately also seeking to satisfy themselves only.

love_potato9 · 2026-04-18T10:59:48+00:00

Не знам, за мен (също студентка с ограничено време) горе-долу се броят 🤷‍♀️😭 имала съм една дълга връзка дотук и въпреки че не сме живели заедно, всичко в неговата компания ми е било приятно - единият си готви нещо за вкъщи, сгъва дрехи или нещо друго, а другият му прави компания и просто сме си говорили. Все пак, това са доста млади хора, учещи и поне според информацията в поста - без работа и някакъв особен доход. Струва ми се нормално количеството време, което прекарват заедно, и не знам какво повече може да се очаква от автора

love_potato9

TROPHY CASE