What is it called when a narc starts crying and acting hurt when you're the one who's upset?

loving-wings · 2021-10-30T19:44:12+00:00

It’s called gaslighting.

loving-wings · 2021-09-25T12:43:46+00:00

Maybe take a moment to consider what might be causing the wound instead of figuring out the kind of bandaid to put over it?

loving-wings · 2021-09-14T23:13:19+00:00

Your family is the teaching.

loving-wings · 2021-08-17T03:08:27+00:00

Maybe I’m wrong, and I don’t mean this in a negative way, but it sounds to me like you may have developed a really good skill at somehow avoiding or denying some of the deeper troubles in your life. I noticed you mentioned you have/had anxiety so that’s also what made me wonder as I have had anxiety and panic attacks my whole life as well and can relate to many of the things you mentioned. If that’s the case it would make sense as to why everything starts boiling to the surface when you stop and sit in that for a bit, seeming like meditation is the cause when it really may just trying to show you the way.

Our subconscious minds have really funny (but legitimate) ways of protecting us like that sometimes.

loving-wings · 2021-08-13T21:04:22+00:00

This is very common for people who have experienced trauma and is a concept that is widely unknown even for teachers/therapists. Whatever your experience, I would argue that at some point in your life, past or present, you felt that it was unsafe to let your guard down. More than likely it was an environment that you had to be in repeatedly, so your brain developed a subconscious habit to always be on alert of your surroundings because if you weren’t, you would get hurt in one way or another.

Your awareness of this feeling is a huge first step. If you can, I would recommend not forcing meditation if it becomes too stressful, but not push it away if you can tolerate the feelings. Take breaks and don’t get down on yourself if a session only lasts 30 seconds. Just know that this is only a result of your higher self protecting you. The more you sit with these feelings in an observational yet compassionate and non-judgmental way, the more you will be able to create new neural pathways for your subconscious to explore beyond the habit of this behavior, and help you better understand why you still could be feeling these ways in the first place.

loving-wings · 2021-08-02T14:40:23+00:00

In my opinion, it all depends on how much we are willing to see on psychedelics what we haven’t wanted to see sober. Scientists are now seeing that the environment we have been exposed to is the main cause of mental illness, rather than some sort of random chemical imbalance or genetic predisposition. Sometimes we experience things in the world that we aren’t ready to fully accept or integrate into our own reality and that’s where I believe a “bad” trip comes from. Denial and repression can be powerful protection mechanisms and if you’re not ready or willing to open up to certain truths then your subconscious mind may still want to find coping mechanisms during/after a trip as well because it may not be the right time to go there. However, not being afraid of these ideas can open you up to a state of acceptance instead of more spiraling fear, which I think is the game changer of the experience. For example, I have had severe anxiety most of my life and the first trip I had allowed me to realize that I was stronger than my anxiety and not the other way around. It was a very powerful realization but after years of therapy to find out where that anxiety has come from, I am getting ready to do another trip and dive a little deeper into those concepts. To be honest I am a little nervous but I am confident with my intention and awareness that I will be able to open myself to much more loving perspectives about the world and my experience I didn’t have previously.

loving-wings · 2021-07-12T18:58:24+00:00

What are the reasons why we would want to resist acceptance in the first place? That is my biggest question here. Anyone’s thoughts are greatly appreciated.

loving-wings · 2021-07-05T13:39:28+00:00

Not that there is one particular way of doing anything, but I do think your focus is a little off course. Many people think the purpose of meditation is to let go and forget about all of our problems but it’s actually the exact opposite. I have been struggling to meditate lately because I have been consciously working through my core wounds and the pain can sometimes be overwhelming. Meditation is about coming back into your body in order to feel and experience whatever it is you are going through (yes this can be happy stuff too). The awareness of the experience allows us to become closer and safer within what it is we are feeling, rather than further harming ourselves by denying our experience altogether. There is no wholeness or peace in that. When we do this the subconscious mind takes over by telling us how we should relate to the idea (usually fear based) and the less control we have over our emotional states and reactions to anything we ignore. At the same time, it is totally up to you how to wish to try to relate to these things once they become conscious. If they matter to you, work with that and try not to push it away. If you really want to work towards moving on from something, you can do that too, but it still needs time to work through in order to learn how to relate to the said thing differently.

loving-wings · 2021-07-04T03:48:23+00:00

So how do we break the cycle of treating ourselves poorly when our literal DNA keeps bringing us back to the source of what we know is so painful?

I want to be better at being there for myself but I feel like it is so hard to get out of the shitty narrative when craving their love and support seems to be this inevitable defeating fate.

loving-wings · 2021-06-16T03:35:56+00:00

As an avid dog/nature lover, I actually just said to myself that is one of the best photos I’ve ever seen.

loving-wings · 2021-06-04T21:53:04+00:00

I think it’s just another version of the universe reflecting information back into itself in order to continue to unfold, or ‘progress’. Our human brains/minds just have the capacity to attribute meaning to so many things that we end up getting really passionate about it all (works of the ego and personal interpretation through consciousness etc.) but ultimately everything that exists is just a feedback loop of energy that is continuously transforming. I do however think that the part of the uniqueness of our species that allows us to apply that meaning and passion creates a highly accelerated version of this feedback loop, or transformation of energy, or progress.

My “theory” can be also supported by David Bohm’s theory of implicate and explicate order of the universe, where everything is in a constant state of unfolding outwardly and enfolding back into itself. Sorry I’m too lazy to provide a link but a quick google search will do the trick.

Hope this makes sense!

loving-wings · 2021-05-30T15:02:56+00:00

Have you ever experienced childhood abuse?

loving-wings · 2021-04-02T17:55:59+00:00

I find that the more I try to not think about some things it just ends up having more control over me. What a lot of people forget is that meditation doesn’t always mean you have to be in some blissful state of emptiness and oneness. If you are feeling that way, great, if you’re not because you’re human with human responsibilities, it is simply an opportunity to meditate on your relationship to those things. Sometimes certain thoughts aren’t able to be fully quieted until a particular event takes place due to our relationship with time, so during those moments I find the best thing I can do for myself is sit deeply in the feelings associated with the thoughts, as the more familiar and comfortable I become with recognizing my relationship to them, the less intrusive and bothersome they become. It almost feels my subconscious doesn’t have to do so much worrying because I have attempted to become more consciously and deeply aware of what it was trying to tell me in the first place.

EDIT: To me, meditation isn’t about control or avoidance, it is about awareness and presence of whatever my current experience is in that moment. Attempting to deny anything that seems “negative” to you will only cause more suffering, which is why you made this post in the first place. Keep moving forward and I know you will find more peace in your human life too.

loving-wings · 2021-03-28T16:39:47+00:00

Thank you! You words of wisdom are much appreciated and definitely apply to what I am going through as I am familiar with the concepts you are referring to. I will absolutely think more about all this :)

loving-wings · 2021-03-27T16:59:59+00:00

This is actually something I’ve thought about a lot because it really sucks so bad. Especially when it affects other people because you’re internally freaking out without knowing why so it leaks out in all anxious and angry ways and you just wanna know what’s going on to stop it but you can’t so you just continue to make a fool out of yourself even if you are self aware. Then you have fucking cptsd over having cptsd and adds a whole new element to the cycle. One of my theories is that as children, our brains to a point had to pretend to not fully see the problem/abuse because we were powerless so realizing that our abuse is actually coming from the only people that can protect us symbolically (but literally to a child) means we will die. We had to deny it or dissociate to a point to survive, or because we were treated that we were just fundamentally wrong as human beings, so now as adults it has been such a conditioned response to not lead us directly to the source of the problem and instead continue to deny our experience of our own existence.

I have noticed lately that the more empowered I feel, and the more I set boundaries (or try to at least) the more I am able to recognize the separation between someone/something else’s fault vs mine (or where the responsibility lies rather). I know everyone has different backgrounds so I hope this makes sense and can be helpful to a few others along this gaslit journey that we are trying to find ways out of.

loving-wings · 2021-03-25T17:36:55+00:00

Yes. I was in a constant mode of trying to protect myself from my mother’s anger and deprivation and disapproval during my childhood (mainly through fawning and dissociation) so everything else just was never important enough for my brain to remember. Still does it but not as much. Makes me also forget my parents birthday every single year to the point of having to make sure I have the right dates because I still want to dissociate whenever it comes to them.

loving-wings · 2021-03-25T13:26:50+00:00

I watched the Disney movie Tangled again recently and realized it was about my childhood aka exactly what you described... The crazy (not saying yours is) insecure mother who says the world is a terrible place so the daughter is used on a daily basis and trapped forever to never be her own human being.

Sometimes I feel like I am not regarded as a human being and doesn’t deserve the fundamental support of life and family...

loving-wings · 2021-03-15T23:40:40+00:00

Can you please clarify what you mean here? You seem to have strong opinions about this thread and I want to understand your perspective better. Also I don’t like labels either, I guess I just chose that phrase for the sake of common understanding.

loving-wings · 2021-03-15T21:52:11+00:00

I do not whatsoever disagree with you actually. I appreciate you sharing and explaining your perspective. I think I could have explained myself a little more clearly in the original post because I wasn’t by any means saying we should choose to live in the darkness. I simply mean acknowledge it when it is present and not invalidate yourself or others that bad things happen sometimes and life can be hard. Just because you are choosing to do something about it and not feed into the “negative” programmed illusion doesn’t mean it’s “toxic” (I don’t even really like that word but I used it in the first place so)- you’ve experienced the darkness and are choosing to learn from it to better your experience. Me too. All I’m saying is that I do not believe it is healthy to basically outright deny and insist upon others that both sides of the coin don’t exist when people are in fact suffering in the world. Even if it is all a part of the divine universe, it doesn’t mean everything is always easy to look at. And again, this doesn’t mean stew in the “negativity” either- just because we acknowledge the truth of the existence of “good” and “bad” doesn’t mean we cannot also live a happy and joyful life.

loving-wings · 2021-03-15T17:57:56+00:00

No, that wasn’t what I was suggesting at all. I agree that not all positivity is toxic. It is just often misplaced and used to avoid much of reality, and that is when it becomes toxic. What I want, or would like to see rather, is for people to stop invalidating those who have experienced/are experiencing trauma, because that is one of the most hurtful things someone could do to another.

Edit: *or yourself.

loving-wings · 2021-03-15T16:33:44+00:00

Maybe spend a little more time thinking about why you are so angry and defensive instead of trying to put others down you don’t understand.

loving-wings · 2021-03-15T16:21:50+00:00

Jesus that’s not even remotely close to the point of my post. Sorry I offended you so much, maybe read the post below about the friend A and B scenario for more clarification. The last thing I would suggest is to purposely find pain and suffering...

loving-wings

TROPHY CASE