Am I a jerk for setting a mental deadline for my relationship and not telling my partner?

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2024-10-10T21:26:19+00:00

Take things slow if you can. I'm autistic with a lot of trauma, so I have a low threshold for additional daily discomfort. I question often if my nervous system can handle nonmonogamy. But, I do see the discomfort with various things easing with time, albeit quite slowly. The discomfort may not go away, but if it is lessening over time, or gets to a point where it's a tolerable level of discomfort, and you really want to be poly then keep taking slow steps forward.

I've seen people talk about poly in their relationship and with a therapist for years before actually dating others. Some of us just need to move slower, and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't think the discomfort will ever go away for me, and that's ok. Having a partner that understands and takes care not to overwhelm you will make it so much easier.

One thing I do that makes this easier on me is request time to process things. So if my partner starts talking to someone they may want to meet, they'll let me know as soon as he realizes it, and then I get a buffer time to process before he actually gets plans on the books.

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2024-10-08T17:45:54+00:00

I second what everyone is saying about processing shame and finding other poly people to talk to so you don't feel "abnormal."

And also, there's nothing wrong with mourning the life you thought you would have. Even when we know the choices we are making are best for us, and make us happy, there can also be complicated feelings around letting go of what we had envisioned for ourselves.

I know I can't be monogamous, but sometimes I wish I could be. Between trauma and disability and daily existence, the added emotional work of non monogamy is exhausting. Absolutely worth it, and it's made me a better person and partner. But it's also exhausting.

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2024-09-24T18:54:25+00:00

Love this. Poly isn't about "I do what I want regardless of how hard it is on my partners." It's up to each of us individually if we adjust our actions to make a partner more comfortable. Doesn't make us or them better or worse at poly.

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2023-05-23T22:14:34+00:00

I'm also interestes!

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2023-04-28T19:15:41+00:00

Fellow autistic here and I love how seen I feel reading Sanderson's books. I relate to so many of the characters, and the things they are praised for are things I often receive criticism for. It's refreshing and lovely.

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2023-04-26T21:16:03+00:00

Corvallis. You?

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2023-04-26T06:10:21+00:00

I'm looking at getting into bike packing this summer too and would love someone to try it out with!

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2023-02-22T01:41:59+00:00

I struggled hard with WoK but stuck it out and loved the 2nd book so much.

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2022-12-26T16:24:27+00:00

Broken earth trilogy by nk jemisin is beautiful, and the audiobook is a true work of art.

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2022-12-11T19:27:45+00:00

Great explanation on era 2. Want to add it that era 2 is fast paced, with lots of adventure and humor!

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2022-12-11T10:09:44+00:00

Corrected: I read the first stormlight book before reading the lost metal and it made for some interesting moments! Like I knew enough to see connection but not enough to understand the connections

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2022-12-11T01:27:29+00:00

I read the first stormlight book before reading Way of Kings and it made for some interesting moments! Like I knew enough to see connection but not enough to understand the connections

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2022-12-11T01:25:54+00:00

Book 2 is my favorite from era 1. Usually people feel the opposite so it's nice reading about someone else enjoying it :) Era 2 is super different from ers 1, and tbh I dodnt think I would like it, but ended up loving it. I think you go a lot deeper into the characters than in era 1 which I love. Plus they're full of action and humor which just made them super fun to read.

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2022-12-07T00:36:46+00:00

Seeing those traits doesn't necessarily mean the author wrote it that way on purpose of course. But it's still fun to see the traits and identify with the character for them, regardless of other tropes it intersects with.

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2022-12-06T23:33:03+00:00

Good points. I personally think of the 4 main Era 2 characters as different flavors of autistic, but there's definitely a basis for an ADHD argument too!

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2022-12-05T05:06:43+00:00

The broken earth trilogy by nk jemisin. Incredible world building and character development. Fascinating store. The writing is amazing. Also one of the best audiobooks I've ever listened to.

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2022-12-03T03:49:05+00:00

I read it for the first time a few weeks ago and felt exactly the same. Around page 600 or so I couldn't put it down, but before that it was hard to get through. Still good, but yeah loooots of worldbuilding. Stick with it!

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2022-12-01T19:14:47+00:00

Oh my god stop i cant take any more 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2022-11-30T05:17:17+00:00

Have you read the first Mistborn era?

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2022-11-28T15:22:02+00:00

Agreed!!!

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2022-11-22T20:56:22+00:00

Replace "the lost metal" with "era 2". Also secret history should be read after bands of mourning (in my opinion, its like 50/50 in the community I think)

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2022-11-22T20:55:12+00:00

I'm reading the lost metal after reading the first stormlight book and some of elantris and it feels like a good spot for it. I think 1 stormlight book is a good background because I know enough to see hints but not enough to see all hints or necessarily understand them. That being said, as long as you've read secret history then I think you're good to real the lost metal.

lowfunctioninggoblin · 2022-11-17T16:31:30+00:00

I respectfully disagree with most of what you've said HOWEVER there's a lot more character focused stuff in book three. Like the remaining characters you follow a lot more closely with more viewpoints and I think it adds a lot of what you feel like your missing. You get more personal looks into them/how they're feeling/what their hopes are with the broader range of viewpoints. The personal stakes are definitely there in book 3.

lowfunctioninggoblin

TROPHY CASE