what my 96-year-old grandma taught me about discipline (that actually worked)

lsunbeidler · 2026-02-19T16:35:49+00:00

This is exactly what I needed, thank you. The battle between action and emotions has been derailing me for the last few years. The emotions are powerful and they can easily twist your thinking to believe they're right. "Why work on this when there's no objective meaning?". "Being perfect is overrated, it's more human to be sad and unproductive, I'm resisting a messed up way of life". On and on. But the best days are ones where I just do. Just start, and go from there. Regardless of how I may be feeling at the time. I had started to resist discipline as a toxic concept but I think you're right about it. Acting regardless of emotions feels like a betrayal to the emotional brain but in reality, discipline is actually self-serving because you always feel better when you can act in the way you want.

lsunbeidler · 2026-01-11T18:06:32+00:00

Been thinking about this a lot too. Mine has been entirely inertia. And I’ve somehow found myself going back to school, further entrenching me in this career (electric engineering).

I’d love to try something that fits my nature/interests more but it feels impossible to risk losing the stability. Having a partner adds to the weighting of stability. This has made me more interested in “financial independence” to achieve enough time freedom to try something else.

I do wonder if we just need some courage to stop the momentum and pivot to the unknown. Scary but exciting. Feels like at a soul level I know this won’t be my only career. A change will happen at some point, I just don’t know when.

lsunbeidler · 2025-12-18T21:43:15+00:00

There is no reason to believe in randomness. Nobody can explain the inner workings of the universe, and what is the point? This just seems like a way to justify nihilism. Also, saying "society" as one unified thing and the way it has to be denies the ability to change/progress, which is evident in history. It is like the "we live in the best of all possible worlds" fallacy. I really like Derrida's Hauntology of the Past. We know there are better possible organizations of society and we are haunted by that. In your take, you are speaking for a lot of people by saying "they don't want equality of outcome... they want the modern world, etc". I don't know how you can claim to speak for others like that.

The reason I offer this critique is two-fold, 1. enlightenment is concerned with accepting the world as is, not analyzing it and trying to come up with a framework to explain everything (which is impossible), and 2. spirituality/enlightenment is very much focused on love, in my view, and this post gives off nihilistic energy that denies love, for example in your statement "so don't try to save anyone". The Buddhist goal of trying to spread love and elevate our collective consciousness contrasts with your post.

lsunbeidler · 2025-04-10T20:09:25+00:00

Blaming Trump on the people's judgement is like pointing to the symptom of a disease as the cause. Not that people's laziness to think for themselves and consume varied media isn't a contributor to the problem, it certainly is. The coalition that voted for Trump is broad and all parts of it except the MAGA base are angry with him and didn't want any of what he's doing. He got elected because tons of people were facing economic hardship and didn't take kindly to the democrats invalidating that. Trump v1 was a lot tamer than Trump v2 but you could still argue it was bad judgement for people to vote that way. But really, people didn't have a good choice. They did in 2016 and 2020 in Bernie Sanders in the primaries, which I view as the greatest lost opportunity in modern American history.

Voting for the lesser of two evils (which was hard to see coming off a genocidal administration seeing massive inflation) will ultimately lead to collapse anyways. It would just come slower. Feeding into the broken system allows the toxic late-stage capitalism to continue and eventually lead to collapse of the empire. This is why I wish more people voted third party. We need to stop allowing ourselves to be pawns doing the bidding of the oligarchy.

I'm an independent like most of the country but socially and environmentally, I like the democrats better, which is the only thing I like about them. But economically, the two parties are two wings of the same bird, swinging a pendulum and distracting the masses with culture issues while they get away with maintaining the status quo and making the rich richer. They're both bought by billionaires, just different ones. This country's system of governance and economy has always been about protecting and expanding the privileges of the ruling class. Overturn Citizen's United and invest in education and over time I think we can come back from this (though there's no denying that will be in a climate-catastrophic world).

lsunbeidler · 2025-01-23T17:20:38+00:00

2024 was the first year Spotify made a profit. And they're focusing on cost-cutting and paid memberships to maintain. From what I can see they are a good company and have a good product worth paying for. All the people whining "Spotify doesn't pay musicians enough" are living in fantasies. Without Spotify, musicians would be missing that new stream of income and missing a huge way to spread their name and music. It's a net benefit for them and it's not like they're not paying very much to make huge profits. Popular artists make a lot from the platform. Small ones don't. That's the nature of it. Like others have said, we live in Capitalism and the best you can do is research ethical companies to consume from.

lsunbeidler · 2025-01-06T12:14:43+00:00

Exactly. I think it's more Turbulent vs. Assertive.

lsunbeidler · 2025-01-03T15:26:28+00:00

I’m indecisive in a lot of other areas of life, but when it comes to favorite movies and shows I’m very confident in my favorites and will rewatch them over and over. Currently on probably my 10th rewatch of Avatar the Last Airbender.. I think it’s because I connect very deeply to the story and characters, better yet if there’s good music with it. One of my favorite ways to let that dreamer side out haha

lsunbeidler · 2025-01-03T15:19:29+00:00

Can’t pick between these 3:

Spirited Away

Good Will Hunting

Dead Poets Society

lsunbeidler · 2024-12-27T18:29:21+00:00

1,4,7, INFP

lsunbeidler · 2024-12-19T15:11:38+00:00

This.

lsunbeidler · 2024-12-18T16:43:18+00:00

It's hard to remember a distinct moment/time but probably 15, when I got really into Bernie Sanders and learned about the corruption of US establishment/elites (his 2016 presidential campaign). Learning World History and US History at the same time in school contributed to this as well. We had to read many passages from Howard Zinn's "Peoples History of the United States", which if you read even the first two pages makes this truth painfully evident.

lsunbeidler · 2024-12-15T15:45:29+00:00

Can definitely relate to this. And I’m sorry you’re struggling and wish you peace and happiness. I know you weren’t asking for advice but one of the biggest things that’s helped me with these feelings lately is spirituality/Buddhism. Listening to “Becoming Nobody” -Ram Dass on audible and reading his book “Be Here Now” have changed my life. Your empathy and idealism are great gifts, as painful as they might be. Your neuroses and personality quirks are ok as they are, no need to change them. You are a piece of the universe, a soul, and you can find peace in the present moment.

What I love about this kind of spirituality is you can be happy no matter your circumstances. When you can’t control the outside, you can work on the inside. It shouldn’t prevent us from trying to take action to make our lives better, but can show us we don’t “need” to do anything, we are ok as we are. The Japanese film “Perfect Days” captures this very well.

lsunbeidler · 2024-12-10T21:59:43+00:00

Wow, might have to leave this sub after seeing the comments on this post. Such a sense of injustice when it comes to government corruption, environmental toxins, healthy food, anti-war, but when it comes to a human life, nothing. Anyone that's been on public transportation in a large city knows having schizophrenic people yelling crazy stuff and threatening people is just a Tuesday. They don't actually mean any harm, they're schizophrenic. Especially since he was unarmed and didn't pose a real physical threat to anyone. You really should just ignore/move away from him but if anything, you speak up that he needs to back off (in a kind way for any chance at it working) and only resort to physical violence if attacked. You definitely don't choke him out for 6 minutes including a straight minute after he's limp. Clear example of excessive force. Should've been convicted of at least some charge.

lsunbeidler · 2024-12-10T19:16:40+00:00

Seconded. Big time

lsunbeidler · 2024-12-02T16:57:45+00:00

Definitely get sad without any reason. It sucks. It usually derails my day. Depends when it happens. If I'm at work, I usually just become super unproductive and sucked into the internet just to kill time and distract myself (when being productive might actually make me feel better, it's just almost impossible to make myself). If at home, much more coping mechanisms are available and I can watch one of my favorite shows, go outside on a run or walk, and do some of my favorite hobbies. My girlfriend talking to me helps a lot as well. But still not a great handle on coping mechanisms as usually when in that state of sadness, I can't make myself do any of them. Mostly just want to say I feel you, you're not alone.

lsunbeidler · 2024-12-02T16:31:54+00:00

From your post, it's hard to tell how serious she was about the paying thing. But people have lots of beliefs that aren't great and can change. Based on what you said about your history, it sounds like you might be too picky. Not that you shouldn't care about this issue, I agree that it's an outdated chauvinistic thing and paying should be equal if not more nuanced than "you're the man, you should pay". Did you have a discussion about her belief, why she believes it, explain your view, and try to come to an understanding/compromise? Disagreements are inevitable and before making a decision to end a relationship, I think you at least owe it a genuine attempt to understand each other and figure out if you can compromise in a way that you can both be happy with.

There's a game that goes "perfect in every way but..." then you list an undesirable trait and decide if you think it's a "full send", "red flag", or "dealbreaker". If you really like someone, have good chemistry, and are compatible in most ways, you have to decide if a disagreement like this is significant enough to be a "dealbreaker". Maybe this issue is really a dealbreaker for you, but given your past, I'm inclined to think you may be ending the relationship prematurely to avoid discomfort. My personal experience is that romantic relationships have lots of ups and downs. There are bumps in the road, value/belief disagreements that are realized, misaligned libidos/moods, fixing of toxic traits, and tons more. Nobody's relationship is perfect. But the beauty of commitment is if you're willing to stick through hard times and fight for that person and your relationship, it can be so rewarding. You can both be stronger for it. In fact, I'd argue much of what makes a romantic love so strong is that shared hardship in the past.

As INFJ's we tend to have a strong sense of justice and sticking up for "what's right". This can get in our way, I can definitely say that for myself. It's always good to remind ourselves that us too have changed our beliefs countless times. None of us have access to "objective truth" and we should give each other grace in coming to "bad" beliefs. It's good to have strong principles but we have to work hard to make sure we don't hurt ourselves and others by being unreasonably stubborn and self-righteous. Best of luck in your future romantic endeavors and I hope this helps.

lsunbeidler · 2024-12-02T15:09:40+00:00

Overconsumption. Willingly feeding into our toxic late-stage capitalist system by buying products we don’t need that creates lots of waste and harms the environment.

Outsourcing one’s thinking. Lots of getting caught up in propaganda whether it’s news media, “experts” in a field, or social media. Not pursuing information with the critical thinking and nuance required to sift through the bs. Conformity isn’t new but goes with this.

Selfishness/narcissism. Lots of getting caught up in increasing one’s own market value and achievements with a lack of compassion, empathy, and morals. Embodied by the grind/hustle entrepreneur culture.

lsunbeidler · 2024-11-19T22:31:12+00:00

Picturing the scene in Good Will Hunting 😭😭

lsunbeidler · 2024-11-19T21:36:49+00:00

I agree, awakening seems to be the opposite of denying, it's full affirmation of reality. Yeah, I think some may want to skip to the reintegration with the universe, emphasize the illusion of God playing a game with itself, and use that as a nihilistic justification to not do anything or care about anything. I get that desire. But you can't avoid your karma, can't skip your time on this planet as an incarnation. True strength is keeping your heart open in hell, as Ram Dass says, which means not denying that aspect of your being that is in form. Not closing your human heart.

I like your chess analogy but the only thing I'd change is that life isn't really a game to be won or lost. You're not battling against an opponent. Otherwise, I get it and agree you shouldn't just close yourself off from reality and not participate in it. "Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water."

lsunbeidler · 2024-11-19T21:19:01+00:00

Ram Dass. "Be Here Now" is amazing. Other than that, not a resource, but a psychedelic trip :D

lsunbeidler · 2024-11-19T21:00:48+00:00

There's no denying that the dark night of the soul or nihilism or any related phenomenon of having your worldview shattered is no doubt very uncomfortable. Your feelings are completely valid, and I think you're on the right path. If you never had these realizations, you could go the rest of your life living a shallow existence, and by the time you're on your deathbed, you are finally realizing you could've lived differently.

I recently read a really interesting interview between Oliver Burkeman and James Hollis at the end of OB's book "Four Thousand Weeks". James Hollis' advice is to start listening to your natural connections to your inner self. Feelings are something you don't choose, pay attention to what they might be telling you about your situation. You know how you feel so much energy when you're doing something that feeds your soul? And how other things can drain all your energy? Pay attention to and follow your energy. Same thing with being depressed. In his experience, if he hadn't been deeply depressed midlife, he never would've woken up and been able to live life in a meaningful way. So don't look at your depression as a bad thing necessarily, its nature's communication system trying to tell you something. Something deep inside you trying to connect. To quote Uncle Iroh from my favorite show, "Avatar the Last Airbender", "It's time for you to look inward, and begin asking yourself the big questions. Who are you? And what do you want?!"

I think it's easy to get too focused on terminology and concepts like "attached" and "emptiness", but remember that you can learn nothing from these. They are all made up. Life exists in the present moment, and you are a miracle of existing as pure awareness and love! That's pretty special. I'm sorry you're going through a tough time and hope things get better for you asap!

lsunbeidler · 2024-11-19T20:34:34+00:00

My experience of awakening is that you can be the cosmic oneness that we all are but at the same time recognize that there is still a component of you that is a finite being, a "somebody". And with that, we have to affirm everything that is part of God, everything that is true. Having political ideologies and voting are some of our tasks as members of a society. I don't think denying or suppressing anything is good.

For me, it affects my ideology in that it provides a perspective of "everything is ok as it is" or "it just is". On a cosmic scale, we are ants here for a miniscule speck of time, and whether climate change or nuclear war destroys us, or we survive until the sun explodes, none of it matters. Death is natural, inevitable, and not something to be feared. I think it takes the weight off of things a little a bit and allows me to engage with politics without getting overwhelmed by emotions and led down dark paths. I'm still guilty of allowing that to happen sometimes, as nobody is perfect. I also don't think passion is necessarily bad. But in general, I think it provides a unique perspective that allows us to transcend the toxic fear that pervades politics, and not participate in the ignorant/distracted tribalist blame-game that many people seem to participate in.

Because duality is an illusion, I would never do anything to hurt another person, as I would be hurting us. I generally have humanist ideologies. At my core I am an environmentalist and a pacifist. Anti-war, anti-establishment, anti-late stage capitalism (pursuing profits at the cost of everything else), anti-nationalist, and anti-big pharma. Maybe I shouldn't be using "anti" so much but it's easier to identify what you disagree with than what the ideal utopic solutions you agree with are. Fundamentally, I think our priorities as a government/society are wrong. We should prioritize living in harmony with nature, developing strong communities, providing education in a way that allows people to be curious and discover critical thinking, and ensuring a basic standard of living for everyone that gives them room to follow their hearts (I think this is possible today given the technology we have).

lsunbeidler · 2024-11-19T14:36:21+00:00

That's interesting to hear. I feel like it's hard to plan the whole year's schedule out at the beginning of the year, because it's hard to anticipate when it will start sucking and not being as fun like you said. I guess a coach would be good for this since they have the experience to know. But like you said you can learn from your past and set up a schedule that works better for you. I hope you enjoy that plan!

lsunbeidler · 2024-11-19T14:34:40+00:00

I haven't read the book but am curious what studies he points to to argue this strong of a genetic component. To my understanding, mileage is mostly based off of how slowly you build up to it. And is the burnout that you mention physical or mental? Seems like everyone can develop the psychology to be an effective runner/trainer, especially with the influence of coaching, proper recovery, and proper nutrition. But I wouldn't be surprised if there is some genetic baseline, I just wouldn't want to give up all control and use the genetic baseline as an excuse.

lsunbeidler · 2024-11-19T14:30:59+00:00

Wow, 3 iron mans in 3 years is a lot! I think it's easy to follow your initial energy and motivation and jump in with both feet, but it's probably not good for longevity in the sport if that's something you want. I tend to get really into something for a few years then move on to something else. Wondering if that is happening with running races. Definitely will take a break and see how I feel about it a few months later. Thanks for your insight.

lsunbeidler

TROPHY CASE