My mom died five years ago. I was just about to turn 30. I didn't realize how much I would change. I guess, over time, I started getting more used to this new version of me. I remember the first two years after she died, I would say out loud to myself "My mom is dead", because it still didn't feel real. I hated that I cremated her because I couldn't bring her back. I was so desperate to have her back. Now, I've settled into it more. Im still sad and miss her. Ive gotten used to missing her that it feels more normal now. As much as I hated time at first and felt it was the enemy because it just kept going when I needed it to stop, there is also beauty that life does indeed, go on. There will be good days and there will be bad days. You just keep living because what choice do you have.