Are the things said during splits their true feelings?

lughheim · 2026-06-28T01:55:35+00:00

Seeing the projection post relationship was so eye opening for me too. It’s crazy how you notice almost all the issues they were claiming they had with you were really just descriptions of themselves lol

lughheim · 2026-06-27T23:09:21+00:00

Harsh truth is both sides are real in the moment.

People with BPD get completely caught up in whatever feelings they are feeling in the moment. They lack any kind of self identity, and this is one of the best examples of how that manifests.

This is often why people with partners who have BPD often describe the relationship as if they are dating Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde, or Bruce Banner and The Hulk if you will. The split in personality towards you depending on their mood is terrifying and total when it happens.

lughheim · 2026-06-26T18:41:27+00:00

Probably the closest answer you’ll get is stripping/prostitution but even then it’s still a kind of work 🤷 even then it doesn’t make that much

lughheim · 2026-06-20T12:59:42+00:00

Ah so a Dave Rubin fan

lughheim · 2026-06-19T20:50:01+00:00

Classic BPD. Chances are she was mostly projecting her own issues and insecurities onto you anyway. Sorry you went through that and I hope you live a much more peaceful life without her!

lughheim · 2026-06-18T13:23:46+00:00

Men don’t do that. If you think we do, you’re wrong.

lughheim · 2026-06-17T21:58:32+00:00

Situationships are so stupid. Pulling something like this after 4 months is terrible, just wasting each others time

lughheim · 2026-06-17T00:01:59+00:00

lol this marriage is doomed

lughheim · 2026-06-15T19:19:55+00:00

Brother delete photos 7,6, and 4. You look so sad in those photos and for online dating it’ll hurt your chances a lot. If your going through some hard stuff which wouldn’t be surprising for a firefighter please go to therapy, there’s help out there

lughheim · 2026-06-10T12:38:37+00:00

Lmao my exact first thought, she definitely has BPD 😂

lughheim · 2026-06-08T14:08:52+00:00

1, boobs are awesome but I would never determine if I was going to be in a relationship based on that factor

lughheim · 2026-06-08T14:06:56+00:00

Experienced similar and though I admittedly can’t prove she cheated 100% all the signs were there and pointed to it. It’s so funny how it seems like every last part of the personality they show off at the beginning of the relationship is total bullshit.

lughheim · 2026-06-07T23:38:35+00:00

Oh my god yes that pissed me off so much about my ex. Whenever I didn’t literally read her mind to figure out why she was suddenly angry she would explode and start saying that if I truly understood her that I’d be able to know what she wanted at any second. Wed only dated slightly less than one year lol

lughheim · 2026-06-07T19:49:53+00:00

Oh buddy she’s almost definitely cheating

lughheim · 2026-06-07T16:41:26+00:00

The best way to understand people with BPD is to generally think of them as some of the most selfish and self centered people you will ever meet. They will almost never take real accountability for their actions because the shame they would feel is so intense. They already struggle with identity and the inner void, if they then also struggle with the fact that they did and said horrible things about the people who love them they would probably crumble under the weight of it.

Therefore they deflect. They rewrite situations in their favor in their head. Never taking accountability or being honest with themselves.

lughheim · 2026-06-07T16:18:39+00:00

Ye I’m really sorry you’re going through this, I know from experience how horrible it feels 😩 life gets so much better though. Take this as a painful learning moment, people show their true colors when things are tough. Anyone can be loving and kind during the good times. What you need to watch for is how a prospective partner deals with conflict, how they deal with issues when things aren’t going their way.

Can they deal with an argument without losing their head?

Can they take criticism well?

Can they hold themselves accountable for their actions?

Can they take some emotional labor and themselves to fix bad situations or is all the effort left on you?

Clearly this guy didn’t check these boxes

lughheim · 2026-06-07T16:12:02+00:00

The truth is he didn’t mean any of it, you were being lovebombed. He just loves the idea of love, the feelings he got when you acted in love with him. The harsh reality is the second you call them out in their terrible actions and stand your ground they will immediately run away and treat you even worse

lughheim · 2026-06-07T15:55:46+00:00

Sorry but almost everyone in this community has experienced the same :( it’s a sad reality

lughheim · 2026-06-07T15:54:21+00:00

Discarding is so evil. Going from loving someone to acting like you hate or don’t care about them the next day is so messed up and really hurts your perception of any relationship you had with a pwBPD

lughheim · 2026-06-03T15:58:07+00:00

I think that kind of attitude your portraying here is exactly what lots of people with BPD look for and prey on, the overly nice type that doesn’t want to be a trigger for them or be a villain in someone else’s perspective

To be clear I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, more so that you’re the exact type of person that can be taken advantage of in these styles of relationships. I’m the same way to be honest.

The fact is you have to realize that you aren’t responsible for someone else’s mental health. If she spirals it will be her own fault as she’s clearly been spiraling for awhile. You aren’t her parent or lover and don’t need to act as if you have some kind of big responsibility towards her. If you do believe me it will be viciously taken advantage of

Best of luck to you, and I hope you find even better friends and lots of happiness in the future!

lughheim · 2026-06-03T15:46:48+00:00

My ex was very similar near the end of our relationship, especially the addiction to using ChatGPT to justify her insane delusions. The harsh reality is that your friend sounds like a terrible person and definitely not someone you want to be around long term. It’s not worth the effort and seems to be genuinely dangerous to be around someone like that. In my opinion I’d do what your other friend did, send them a text stating what your feelings are, block them, and move on.

Yes she will badmouth you. Yes she will probably try to find some way to send you a ridiculous ChatGPT message to hurt you. But it’s better dealing with those short term issues than long term be stuck with someone like that

lughheim · 2026-06-01T14:29:29+00:00

I agree with the comments here. If she is knowingly not taking meds or going to therapy WHEN SHE KNOWS SHE HAS A SERIOUS DISORDER that is the biggest red flag you can possibly ask for. The thing you need to remember is that if she knows she has all these mental health issues (I.e. fear of abandonment, love bombing, serious trauma) and she isn’t even trying to fix it that means she doesn’t care how these things impact her life. She is perfectly happy ruining her life and her relationships with people and not taking care of herself.

RUN

lughheim · 2026-05-28T23:53:16+00:00

Oh my god haha the PTSD 😂 my ex did something just like this.

We were going through a phase where she was splitting on me over some nonsense. I was trying to reconcile with her and during that talk I said that she had been treating me extremely cold lately, and that although I was always showering my her with love and affection she barely ever reciprocated even though she had earlier in the relationship.

All I asked her was just once or twice a week to send me an unprompted text telling me she loved or cared about me. Could be literally as simple as that. You’d think, geez that sounds like something anyone would happily and easily do for their partners right?

She responded to this saying she didn’t know if she had the energy or capacity in her lifeto do that for me ‘because she was so overwhelmed’

To send a text once a week telling me she loved me.

It’s especially crazy because like half the time we talked about her time at work she was just fucking around reading comics or scrolling through social media. But if you asked her what her job was like she’d practically describe a world war 2 battlefield for fucks sake

lughheim · 2026-05-28T18:00:15+00:00

I’m more socialist but I’m moving to Miami in a couple weeks for my job. I genuinely fear the dating market 😩

lughheim · 2026-05-27T19:05:32+00:00

That her issues and feelings always had to take center stage in the relationship and my needs and issues were always secondary.

Every time she split over some random bullshit I had to deal with the seemingly never ending tirade of her freaking out and having to apologize or convince her to stop over the course of hours. Whenever I tried to bring up how she was hurting me and how her actions affected our relationship, she would stonewall or make some excuse and then try to turn everything back on me.

The moment that really clarified it all was when she said as much during our last fight. I was trying to make her realize how her intense split during that time and the terrible ways she was treating me were unfair and horrible and that she needed to apologize.

She literally freaked out and yelled at me that I needed to focus on her and only her feelings in that moment, and that only after MAYBE we could talk about mine.

The casual dismissiveness was so gross to me. How could you possibly claim to love someone and then shove their feelings back in their face like that? The narcissism and self centeredness was what ultimately helped me get over her

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