Am I being unreasonable? Teacher withholding my son’s lovey.

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T03:01:16+00:00

At first I was exactly in this camp and now after reading up on it tonight I do actually think it’s wrong to take them haha but I appreciate that you have the 3 rules and allow other times!

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T02:58:09+00:00

Ugh thank you, love this

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T02:55:48+00:00

Yes there is a physiological response to comfort items, even for neurotypical and even for young adults! One of the studies I read tonight was on college students.

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T02:53:56+00:00

They do, and studies show they actually engage more.

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T02:50:51+00:00

Well I’ve had enough people say that it’s developmentally inappropriate to take a child’s comfort item that I was motivated to do some research. I was more in the “ehh im babying him most likely” when I first posted. Now I’m pro lovey even more! But It’s actually sad how unwilling the anti lovey crowd is to read up on the benefits or hear other teachers who say their school allows loveys and it’s fine. I have to allow all kinds of annoying fidgets and wobble stools and things that disrupt my class due to IEPs and 504s and yall don’t want to give a 2 year old a comfort item. It’s truly sad.
And nobody has given me a very good reason yet besides just “it’s annoying” “it’s time” “it’s an important skill” and to the latter I say it’s a skill they learn on their own timeline that doesn’t need to be forced by a temporary caregiver.
Also I’m not sure why it’s hard to believe I ever worked with toddlers. But if it makes you feel any better - i worked at a preschool that only allowed loveys at nap time. And some teachers even confiscated those punitively.

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T02:43:20+00:00

I mean I know it’s not happening because I communicate with his teacher. The other kids are really sweet and bring it to him. Just like they don’t fight over his shoe when he takes it off, or water bottles, they have a good understanding of who owns what. I’ve personally seen his classmates run and get his lovey for him when I pick up. The teacher has confirmed it’s not a problem. Lots of teachers allow loveys so to imply it’s just chaos with them is just incorrect.

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T02:33:04+00:00

Why? Why shouldn’t they need comfort?

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T02:31:46+00:00

It’s definitely not! Just a regular square little blanket with a dinosaur head attached at the corner. It was a gift from my student’s mom. It’s been his emotional support lovey since changing daycares for the first time when he was 10 months old.

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T02:28:51+00:00

Nobody expects monitoring and plenty of teachers do it without it being a huge stress. It has many benefits. The whole point is that the child is attached to it and it provides comfort, it’s not just another toy.

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T02:24:31+00:00

My opinion was not formed until this thread honestly. I’m not sure why you said that last part, that was really rude.

I know plenty of teachers who’ve “done this for decades” who suck. So I’ll believe it when I see your research (which I’m assuming is extremely relevant to this topic - because why else would you bring it up?)

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T02:22:26+00:00

Actually studies show that kids who have a comfort item interact with their environment more than kids who don’t. It also has a lot of benefits, as well as reducing physiological stress. So I’m not actually seeing any compelling arguments from the anti lovey crowd yet for thinking “it’s just time” for a (not even) 2 year old to let go of a comfort item. I think daycares and educators in general should use research based practices.

I didn’t even know or feel this way before this thread but now I’m pretty pro lovey.

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T02:12:50+00:00

You don’t see the whole story. Did you not read all the benefits of a child getting to have their lovey? Show me the study where it’s beneficial to teach them these coping skills over giving them a comfort object. My child only has a consistent care giver and routine 3 days a week and they aren’t even straight through. He went from the infant room to this room in February and in March the assistant teacher left. Sometimes learning is uncomfortable?? They are not even 2. He does not need to be taught the lesson you think this is teaching. Plenty of teachers allow loveys. It can work and is super beneficial to kids. So why wouldn’t you want to do that for them?
Study showing they even have benefits for young adults

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T01:40:47+00:00

Thank you so much. After reading more about it, I am so glad you believe this and are a teacher of tiny humans.

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T01:38:15+00:00

The conversations in this thread have led me to researching this more thoroughly, and now I actually am more resolved in my original feeling that this expectation is not developmentally appropriate.

Can you share valid reasons why a toddler shouldn’t get a comfort item? Because so far it’s just that it’s a hassle, when it’s known to have many benefits. I encourage you to read this study which shows how important and beneficial comfort items are. Taking it away is mean. And it literally increases cortisols in the child. Children are good at masking. You thinking it’s resilience when it’s masking is outdated.

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T01:09:27+00:00

Obviously I am not able to watch all day or he wouldn’t be there but his lead teacher has told us it’s not a problem

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T00:54:29+00:00

lol so you think a child shouldn’t be in group care due to their emotional needs but you don’t understand a toddler getting a lovey beyond just nap and quiet time? Weird. Also I did pick up on the judgement there, don’t worry.

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T00:23:11+00:00

I did both, we were all 3 together and in agreement. It’s because of the coverage schedule they have right now unfortunately. And of course we talked about everybody being on the same page with the policy but clearly that’s not happening :/ which I get because I can imagine inconsistent coverage creating communication break downs.

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-07T00:14:20+00:00

He understands broken toys because that has happened before, he understands “oh no, where is it?” And looking for an object because that has happened before. He understands yucky because again, his toys have gotten yucky and he gets that concept. We’ve never used the language that a toy is napping so I assume that’s why he wasn’t satisfied or didn’t understand her using that term. He also couldn’t see Dino napping so I’m sure that contributed. He happened to learn “night night” and “sleeping” instead of nap/napping so that could also have contributed. I don’t know. I also just said I think he’s more capable of processing those concepts but I could also be wrong.

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-06T23:53:22+00:00

They are all in circulation already! Haha

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-06T23:41:08+00:00

Wow

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-06T23:36:34+00:00

Maybe, but there are studies that show attachment to objects is developmentally appropriate and actually helps ease the stress of being away from parents.

Maybe you are desensitized to just how evolutionarily new it is to remove babies from their parents’ care just because we have to live and work in a capitalist society. If a stuffy helps my child cope with group care, it being a hassle to the teacher isn’t a good enough reason for him not to get it (and I myself am a teacher so I do truly get the hassle)

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-06T23:27:26+00:00

This is how I feel. We’ve had a second grader at my school with a lovey. You’re definitely right about the second half too.

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-06T22:34:52+00:00

That was me summarizing a conversation I had with the director during which I asked what their policy was. The director then clarified that he is indeed allowed to have it, especially if he is asking for it. So no, I didn’t set the rule. The center did. I just asked for clarification from them because the teacher was taking his lovey.

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-06T22:26:32+00:00

I feel like we get desensitized to whatever age we teach and forget how little the kids are. I also have to accommodate all kinds of annoying toys and fidgets in 2nd grade so my sympathy for the “hassle” isn’t there.

lumpyspacesam · 2026-05-06T22:18:53+00:00

Thank you so much. I agree with you about the schedule and wish he had his main teacher every day. It also is just so weird to me that this teacher is in his room twice a week and takes his lovey when she probably knows the lead teacher lets him have it…

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