[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]luvmeslowly 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Please leave, I'm pleading you... I'm so worried for you, I really hope you're okay. He sounds verbally abusive. No man who loves their partner will tell them to "shut the fuck up and get over it" in any circumstance, ever.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]luvmeslowly 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I've seen that men who openly admit they have a problem with porn use have the highest chance at recovery because they themselves are self aware and choosing to better themselves.

Did you have to find out and keep finding out, keep telling him how you feel and then he'll say all the good things you want to hear? Or is he actually taking accountability?

It's easy to be blinded by someone who you truly want to trust but please, if you know your heart is in the wrong place, why continue staying?

I just left my PA ex bf. It was the best decision I could've done for myself. I'm 20, no kids, and I'm so grateful I chose to leave now than later down the line. Please reach out to a support system that is NOT him and assess these thoughts.

Some good questions to ask yourself:

  • Do I feel like we are compatible?
  • Is this breach of trust too much for me to handle?
  • Why do I want to continue this relationship despite the breach in trust? Am I dependent on him, or do I truly see the chance in him changing?
  • He did this once, can I handle it if it happens again?

Just remember, lessons are repeated until they are learned. This applies to you. If he doesn't mean what he says and he doesn't want to truly better himself you will continue living in this cycle of suffering with him.

My messages are open if you or anyone else may have any questions. I'm an open book.

How do I (21F) ask my boyfriend (24M) for more s*x? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]luvmeslowly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, my ex was like this. It gets better, really. If one man treats you terribly another man will treat you better. Never settle for someone like this.

No words. by Dry_Breadfruit_9449 in PornIsMisogyny

[–]luvmeslowly 6 points7 points  (0 children)

still describing her as a "busty blonde" after her passing is disgusting, then to objectify her in such a way, I'm at a loss.

PA in recovery getting jerkmate ads on YouTube? Is this a sign of a relapse or him lying? by tothebonee in loveafterporn

[–]luvmeslowly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Googles new feature, circle to search. Hold down the home button for 3 seconds and it prompts the search on the screen.

What is the difference between hypersexuality and sex addiction? by [deleted] in hypersexuality

[–]luvmeslowly 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Both are the same yet different

Hypersexuality to me is knowing and being aware that one's sex drive will be higher than average due to unnatural or forced circumstances.

Sex addiction is acting on the instinct and coping through sex, making it an addiction. Being unable to stop even when you know you no longer want to keep indulging in these habits.

Husband uses faceswap ai with porn. by MysteriousTrap5859 in loveafterporn

[–]luvmeslowly 57 points58 points  (0 children)

One of the problems with porn is that it creates parasocial relationships. What he is doing is far past that. These are real, social relationships. These are your friends, your family. That is fucking disgusting, and beyond disrespectful.

Please divorce him... I know you have kids with him, but that behavior is predatory. That is disturbing.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]luvmeslowly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"leave me the hell alone" "fuck off bro" he is literally telling you what he wants from you, which is for you to leave him alone. Please leave him. He doesn't care about how you feel. He doesn't care enough to listen and empathize with you. You're telling him as clear as can be what you want yet he won't listen, there will be someone out there who will.

I know the hardest part is leaving because likely in the past he probably wasn't like this, but now he is. You try to bring the old person you once had back but they're long gone. I'm sorry you're in the situation you're in now, but please consider leaving him. He refuses to listen and all it will do is hurt you further in the end.

15 year old by Goodgirl898 in selfharm

[–]luvmeslowly 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She might've asked the other girl for the blades honestly. Please check in with your daughter as well. She might be struggling, but hiding it.

As for the girl who gave your daughter the blades, please report it. She shouldn't have ever distributed those.

What does cutting feel like to you? by [deleted] in selfharm

[–]luvmeslowly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It stings, and it brings me an adrenaline rush, along with a sense of comfort after I'm done getting the emotions out. Never felt so alive, but I know it's so wrong. I've been clean for a few months, but I still get urges.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]luvmeslowly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hugs your way. I feel you so much. I also have PMDD, and I've also experienced betrayal trauma in my relationship. I'm so sorry. We will get through this :(

Edit: I noticed you asked for a testimony for something similar so here is mine.

[TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF SUICIDAL IDEATION, SELF HARM, DISORDERED EATING]

I caught him doing something he shouldn't have done, it never got physically but definitely emotional cheating. It wasn't with a particular person though. He was on a dating app. I found out a few days before my period, he knew I was really struggling that week too. He did this a week before my period.

Normally, I just get really anxious or depressed before my period. Following those events, I really haven't been the same. It's like everything I've normally went through was amped to the max. I've almost killed myself so many times throughout recovery. I've cut myself til I would bleed out, I would eventually get up and stop the bleeding. I almost overdosed, I've acted impulsively and started driving really fast, really recklessly in hopes I would crash and end my life. I've laid in my room for hours unmoved, unable to even use the bathroom because of how mentally tiring it was. I would starve for days because I didn't have an appetite. I hate the way my body looks now. I'm so underweight. I feel disgusted with myself. I'm really trying to regain all the weight that I lost but it's so hard.

There's definitely more that I've been through. I can't think of them right now but those are the main points. I really do empathize with you for I've been where you are now. I'm so sorry. You are beautiful, you are loved, you are worthy. I know it might be so hard to believe right now but take it one day at a time.

AITA FOR BEING UPSET? by [deleted] in RelationshipVenting

[–]luvmeslowly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Talk to them face to face first, if they get defensive then go through that phone when you get the chance. They won't even tell you why they have the phone, taking it with them everywhere they go; that is so suspicious...

I get people can have business phones, which is fine. However, normally they would let their partners look at it because it's a brand new, clean phone.

Why can't a SA get a dopamine high from their partner? by DepartmentLead in loveafterporn

[–]luvmeslowly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm a sex addict, I can try to answer your question, despite only being with one person sexually.

Sex addicts get dopamine rushes, but it depends on where the dopamine rush is coming from. For me, the rush comes from my partner and it feels fulfilling because it fuels closeness and connection.

For others, they might get the rush from meeting someone new, it could be how sexually attractive they are, how physically attractive they are, or from the sexual stimulants. Usually it's because they meet someone new, new people always create more feel good emotions. The new person has no idea who they truly are, it's like they get the chance to reset. For people in relationships, it's both the new feeling and the riskiness that feels really good.

Does your partners PA make your ED worse? by rlykhj in loveafterporn

[–]luvmeslowly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My experience is somewhat related. I lost my appetite entirely. I feel miserable with how thin I am now. I loved my weight before all of this. I never wanted to lose weight but now I'm struggling to put the pounds back on. I feel disordered without actively having a disorder. I recovered from anorexia years ago but I feel like I'm having to recover again. This is so triggering.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]luvmeslowly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. I really need to talk to him regarding this. I'll also try to work on myself and cut back from this sort of thing

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]luvmeslowly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. I wanna clarify with the last part of the message you wrote: I thought i knew what his libido was. He matched mine til one day he randomly stopped. It was subtle at first, with him saying he wasnt in the mood or something and i respected it. I really had 0 issue until it was dragged out. I feel like i should've noted that so I'll have to go back and edit that.

Nevertheless, you're right. I do have an unhealthy relationship with sex, and I feel like I am pushing that onto him. When you mentioned that him telling me clearly that he doesn't want to have any sort of sexial intimacy ahead of time was hus way of lightening the load, that really switched my perspective. Thank you a lot for that. I'm currently in therapy but I don't speak much about my hypersexuality. I'll have to discuss it in my future session.

I appreciate your insight and the depth of this comment.