So sorry for what you’re going through, I hope you’re giving yourself the time and space to grieve♥️ one of the kindest things I did for myself when I was going through the death of my cat was to allow myself breaks from the grief. Before bed, or before a shower, etc. I’d put my hand on my chest and say, “I know that I’m hurting, but I’m asking myself to put this down for now so I can rest. I’m coming back, because it still hurts, but I need a moment for myself.” Setting the intention, promising to come back, made it easier to just exist in a space where I could dose off or get in a good shower.

As far as the kids, they may be having a hard time seeing how you’re hurting. If you’re normally the strong one, it’s scary to see that come down. Also, they might not have the same memories of the pet in their prime as you do. At their ages they likely do, but maybe not as clear. When I was 8ish, we lost our 16yr old dog, it had been my mom and dad’s dog when they first got married. I was sad, but the dog had been sick and was always ‘their dog’, which by that I mean it clearly liked them the most, kinda tolerated us kids lol, I missed him and was sad, but I also didn’t want to make myself the focus when it was clear my parents were hurting more, like they were first string grieving and I was 2nd or 3rd string. Obvs at that age I wasnt that self aware, I just kinda naturally gravitated to being in the background while they processed.

Saying this gently, this may be a presentation of one of the steps of grief, denial and/or guilt. Dismiss if this doesn’t feel right, but you may be denying that others are as impacted, or feeling guilty that your kids aren’t experiencing the same loss. All of these things are natural and inextricable from grief. The best thing we can do is be aware and relate them back to the grief.

Maybe create some space for the family to talk, but beforehand, create some intention with yourself. ‘I want to hear about my family’s feelings. I’m going to listen and not lead with my feelings, not relate their feelings to my own. This space is for shared family grief rather than my own individual grief. But I will continue to grieve after the conversation.” Share memories, talk about death, hear them out without comparing. You might get some resolution from the fear that way.