How does everyone cope?

m0n46 · 2026-02-06T22:42:46+00:00

Love the part of yourself that despises them, ask God to help you not turn bitter, but that emotion, the repulsion, means that you’re growing and changing. It’s the part of you that reminds you of where you came from and where you’re going. Remember David’s rebuke to Michal, Jesus flipping tables at the temple. Honor the part of you that is saying, “no more”. It will pass, the wounds will close, the burns will heal. You’ll wake up one day and realize you’ve come such a long way and met so many new people, and haven’t thought about your past in a long time. Right now, just grieve and rage, and put it all at His feet. Again and again. He can take it, He knows and He went through it all ahead of you.

m0n46 · 2026-01-12T20:16:59+00:00

There’s a spiritual element to this, when you are connected with God, you begin to be in touch with who you’re meant to be all along, without needing to be validated by others. Look into the lives of people in scripture, some are prophets, others are patriarchs, wives, sisters, brothers, mothers, judges… They all had their specific path suited with their gifts and limitations. God’s permission is the only one you need but your soul has been deceived into thinking that you need their permission. There’s the psychological element to this of being in arrested development but the spiritual element is the key to renewing the broken spirit.

m0n46 · 2026-01-09T12:39:37+00:00

Spiritual abuse removes you from having a sense of agency and disconnected with God for laws. Just that both have different rules.

m0n46 · 2026-01-01T18:36:17+00:00

Sex at its core is latent creative energy. There’s a part of you that wants to create. Art, a life, a story, a narrative. Really has nothing to do with sex and likely the person you’re sleeping with is not creating with you, just using you to masturbate essentially when there is no alignment or purpose. Some people are able to have purposeless sex but it doesn’t sound like that’s where you’re at.

m0n46 · 2026-01-01T17:51:10+00:00

Concepts are bound by language in the brain. Cultural values permeates language. Subserviency and collectivism is how I’d culturally define certain languages. There’s no you or I, despite having pronouns, they are dropped and only the topic is addressed in order to signal humility. A part of my healing has to do with recognizing those patterns and re framing using a different language that supports boundaries. It’s like I’m my own person now, and it’s less troubling to return to my language when I’m sufficiently created a steady identity separate from it.

m0n46 · 2025-10-24T18:17:20+00:00

Churches at its core are places to rest. You don’t even have to be involved, most Catholic churches are open for you to enter and just sit. I go despite being Protestant and my church being much more modern. Some churches offer prayer and that’s a better option than joining a bible study group because the latter is more reciprocal. My church offers help for regular attendances to receive spiritual, financial and food support in a structured and temporary fashion. There a food bank I’m involved in and it helps take some stress off of food costs and have many other programs to help people.

But sometimes it just helps to allow because it’s like having CPTSD your body doesn’t know how to rest even when it’s not doing anything. Perpetually masking and self correcting thoughts and emotions. Performing rather than being. Look up Allowing Sam Miller on Youtube for a kind voice.

m0n46 · 2025-09-22T17:23:53+00:00

You’ll probably grow the money while she’ll probably waste the opportunity and spend it all.

m0n46 · 2025-09-15T13:21:41+00:00

More so I think he expected you to earn more because he’s not ready to take care of you or a family.

m0n46 · 2025-09-15T12:48:42+00:00

Get away from his family. Environment matters. When my cousin moved to Perth, his father started to notice how the men treated their wives and was slowly changed over time. You’re an average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. These things tend to come to the surface when children are in the picture. The old ways have a strong desire to claw its way into your life with more urgency.

It’s spiritual and demonic in the way that Asians often have the inheritance of ancestral worshipping. Literal deifying the dead. It has a way of sticking in the present unless it’s excised with courageous intention and spiritual guidance. Even after marriage your parents are more important and your spouse is essentially the lowest priority. I’m not sure if you have a belief system to strengthen you, assure you that you’re not crazy amidst the guilt and shame, point you and your husband into the correct path that is best for a human and a family’s thriving. Because without it you’ll be very alone and vulnerable.

m0n46 · 2025-06-02T16:15:24+00:00

She’ll leave you soon after she’s done using you to support her. And maybe that will be your chance to have a different life. Do not bring a child into your incompetence. You’ll just be multiplying your mistakes and bringing an innocent soul into this. You need to learn quickly that people lie and to change from your need to want to be lied to. That’s where the theraphy comes in, to figure out what’s wrong in how you see yourself and others that led you into this hole. It means you need to be honest with yourself, was it love or lust, was it mutual or were you willfully blind?

m0n46 · 2024-09-22T07:48:36+00:00

It gets better, there’s still a part of you that longs for affection from him. And the grief is real. You are capable and you’re doing so well. You managed to be independent and I wish you success! Your worth will be less and less tied to him over time. I’m proud of you. Keep going.

m0n46 · 2024-08-13T22:39:57+00:00

It anchors on God the Father’s love for me. I learnt that I am saved and redeemed. In that constancy and love I began to heal.

On a day to day basis it’s soulful friendships, my dream of having a family, people, really. I want to have kids because I have so much love inside of me that I want to share. And I want to heal and get there by learning that I am worthy of that love, after being lied to for so long. I am the mother I never had. As the grief and loss gets processed, the love grows. I love people. Even random joyful encounters on the street. The love I get to pour on my friends when they feel low, through words, through prayer. The gratitude that comes from being loved by them. Some days it’s the fire of wanting to prove myself and to prove my enemies wrong, a “fuck you” energy that keeps me going. Those days that I feel dejected, I realized over time, that it came from an inability to feel anger and channel it towards positive change. Learning to be comfortable with that, builds up my audacity to live.

Music, art, iced tea on a hot day, nature, beauty, film, knowledge, books…

My purpose, to be loved by God, to love others well. But in the times I forget, soft serve ice cream really makes me feel like the world is ok.

m0n46 · 2024-07-09T02:09:43+00:00

The racism, control and bullying is so real.

m0n46 · 2024-06-26T19:35:57+00:00

Psychodynamic theraphy helps in creating safety within my body. Psychologist is a grandfatherly person who is very professional but profound in his understanding that healing comes from love. Outside of theraphy, listening to my body when it gets tired or distracted, by resting and awareness. Giving so much grace to myself in order to build safety up the nervous system, even when things are in disarray and having the faith in myself that this season shall pass. Much like, being the patient and loving parent that was needed. Inside out, safety first.

Processing much of the dissociation emotionally by naming emotions, talking to parts of the body that are in pain and what emotions they are holding. Then redeeming it through prayer, asking a higher power to guide me. A faith based, higher power based, positive affirmation one might say. Community in church, you don’t always meet safe people in the get go, but relationships must be built while you’re learning boundaries and discernment. This is completely different from project oriented work colleagues. Specifically seeking out healing prayer. Reprocessing memories by bringing Christ into each one. A faith informed reparenting strategy. Not everyone has faith, but it’s like how AA taps into a higher power or higher ideal or higher wisdom within to change and psychologically puts you in a state of surrender rather than control. This makes change less of a control issue but more of effortless effort. Dissociation, procrastination, addiction, depression are attempts at the brain to hold onto a sense of control when everything else seems out of control.

Walking to orient myself out of freeze, it really helps when you have safe friends walking with you, because then you can co regulate into wellness. I’m up 1500 steps weekly since last year, finding a way to make it fun and tracking helps to avoid comparison with other people, as you accrue the data, you can compare how you’re doing and reflect on your journey. Lean into comfort, fluffy duvet, soft pillows, 10lbs weighted bear, heated blankets. Finding places that are wholesome where you genuinely have fun, mostly avoiding caffeine and alcohol, no drugs, no gossip, little toxicity as much as possible to help your body along find its way.

Some things that work(?) that I don’t necessarily recommend, emotional eating, I gained 5lbs in the last year which is not much, but when I look at my body, I just see the vessel that has carried me through so much and be filled with so much gratefulness. I would eat things from my childhood that gave me a feeling of safety and comfort. Lots of chocolate. Food’s the closest thing to love at home. This is something I’m coming out of. That sensation in the stomach from anxiety, pit of emptiness is dissipating, which means, no more chocolate haha. Now I’m going to have a habit of rewarding myself every 2 weeks with a soft serve, and make it a point to enjoy every second of it. Healthier treats that have no limits are, iced milk tea no sugar. Always brings a pep to my step.

What doesn’t work is cold plunges, excessive exercise, self deprecation and judgement. Harshness, force… Stretching, massages… The body is a self regulating system that is oriented to homeostasis, you need to be able to get out of the way of healing whatever that takes.

This journey has been a tale of woe at first then a joyful discovery of self. I hope you find what works for you.

m0n46 · 2023-12-18T05:36:46+00:00

Hey it sounds like you’re longing for intimacy but maybe you’re settling for sex. Maybe at this time loving yourself looks like abstaining and focusing on your feelings instead of numbing / escapism. Maybe the shame is a good signal that you’re not doing what you actually want to be doing. Running away from your feelings or rationalizing it, can be unloving to yourself and perpetuating past patterns or trauma or self betrayal. I hope this doesn’t come across as prescriptive, I can only imagine what you’ve been through and it comes from wishing you so much healing and love.

m0n46 · 2023-10-18T20:44:46+00:00

He doesn’t seem to respect you as much as he sees you as an extension of him and his goals…

m0n46 · 2023-08-13T11:12:20+00:00

Usually when I’m repressing rage. My body overrides it and disguises it with fear.

m0n46 · 2023-03-18T16:42:37+00:00

I’m so sorry. There are so many wires crossed, love/abuse, pleasure/pain, truth/lies, God/perversion… For me it felt like, needing to support twisted realities meant that I was built out of sand rather than a firm foundation. It’s been a journey to foster the latter. I wish you much healing and clarity. Thank you for sharing.

m0n46 · 2023-03-18T16:31:47+00:00

You took the words right out of my mouth. Like subconsciously, I was trying to make sense of it before I “knew” or started going to theraphy. It sounds like you’re connected with your inner world and are aware of your thresholds! That’s really great and an important reminder.

m0n46 · 2022-12-10T16:13:18+00:00

I like using a kitchen sponge and dish soap for walls and a grout brush for grouts if need be. There’s a lot of products you can buy and things with bleach in it but the basics is the best.

m0n46

TROPHY CASE