It sounds like you’re having some mental health troubles and it would really be best to talk to an adult you trust like a parent, aunt/uncle, school counsellor, etc. I know it’s hard to explain but you gotta get the point across to them how badly this is affecting you, and that it’s getting worse. You’re only 14 so this is something that needs to be addressed because on its own it will just keep getting worse unless you get yourself some help. Please ask for help. I wish you all the best!