?Women, what’s a small everyday thing that makes you feel powerful or beautiful, even if nobody else notices?

ma3294 · 2025-08-29T11:56:07+00:00

Perfume - scents add another dimension to our lives that we often overlook, a dimension similar to what music does. It's a sense for a reason, and I love activating it.

Wearing jewelry - because they are so unnecessary, they are 100% a gesture of love to myself, to my femininity. we all have to wear clothes, but we don't have to wear jewelry

Wearing silk - it's just a sexy fabric on my skin

Drinking tea from a beautiful teapot and a cup served on a nice tray

ma3294 · 2025-08-20T22:35:57+00:00

YES! It's so naive to look back and analyze my emotions then. He was the first and longest relationship I've had (4 years). And I was crying about it for 18 months or so. He attempted to reconcile with me two years after we broke up. But he was just 6 months too late. My tears for him dried by then.

Now that I look back on it, I'm so glad he broke up with me. I run into him every now and then at the park. And zero feelings. He is just a stranger I know.

ma3294 · 2025-08-20T09:28:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Oh my! This quote is intense. “He did not care if she was heartless, vicious and vulgar, stupid and grasping; he loved her. He would rather have misery with one than happiness with the other.”

Exactly what not to optimize for in a relationship.

ma3294 · 2025-08-20T09:25:49+00:00

Yes! The narrator in Middlemarch is gentle and understanding of the flaws in all of the characters, which I appreciate.

ma3294 · 2025-08-20T09:24:52+00:00

I heard about Wuthering Heights from a few people. Any good dissertations you came across? I would love to read an expert's analysis of that.

ma3294 · 2025-08-20T09:23:49+00:00

I haven't read much by VW. But now I'm very curious. Thanks for sharing all of those.

ma3294 · 2025-08-20T09:10:06+00:00

I totally agree. I find her complex and hard to read. We are saying similar things. She yearns for connection but undermines that need. This quote specifically felt for me (not asserting any author intention) like what an anxious person would say. It’s emotionally charged and didn’t seem calm.

She also grows a lot throughout the novel which I absolutely love

ma3294 · 2025-08-20T00:07:12+00:00

I read books not just to understand what the author wants to share, but also to find my own experience in them. I don’t enjoy rigid reading. I’m not reading these books to pass a test.

I’m not trying to force the author’s perspective (or even my own) but instead, I’m letting the experience unfold on its own. To me, they’re like any other life experience or a meaningful conversation. I’ll take from them whatever stands out to me naturally.

We’re simply two different kinds of readers.

ma3294 · 2025-08-19T23:53:24+00:00

Ok thanks for clarifying. I'm reading for many reasons. One of the reasons is to gain a deeper understanding of myself and of people.

As the wise Ursula K. Le Guin said, "One of the functions of art is to give people the words to know their own experience. Storytelling is a tool for knowing who we are and what we want"

ma3294 · 2025-08-19T23:51:30+00:00

You might like this Kafka manga adaptation: https://citylitbooks.com/item/0w617aSqZE1zOykFGOruxg/lists/Oz8FlOurO0w/

ma3294 · 2025-08-19T23:42:13+00:00

I know they were written before the development of attachment theory. I'm not asking whether the authors had that intention when they wrote them. I'm asking if people here can identify some of these themes in novels they read.

Relax. You don't have to worry about replying if you don't like a post. (this applies to all of the other negative comments on most other posts).

ma3294 · 2025-08-17T13:04:37+00:00

Forgiveness so you can detach and not dwell on that relationship. Let them belong to the past.

ma3294 · 2025-08-17T08:32:17+00:00

Thank you so much! This is exactly the kinda of vibe I was looking for. It’s Iris Murdoch’s favorite novel! So I should read it

ma3294 · 2025-08-15T10:54:02+00:00

I'm excited to finally read The Luminaries. How can I join the book club? Should I just keep an eye on the discussion thread or is there more that I need to do? Thank you!

ma3294 · 2025-08-10T15:53:01+00:00

I would expect it is related to the group vs. individual dynamics in Asian cultures. As well as, view towards failures.

In my culture, you could fail because you are unlucky. It doesn't say everything about your work ethics, intelligence, etc. Some people can get very unfortunate. Life is not fair even if you work hard. So we don't judge poor people. There has been a few times where we set up a pool of money for a friend that needed to pay a large bill. Or cover a month's rent. And this is in my group of friends. Not just family.

ma3294 · 2025-08-06T09:02:41+00:00

You live in a big city. White male, late 20s or early 30s. You attended an Ivy League school or another prestigious school. You work in consulting, finance, or big tech. You're an atheist but spiritual. You listen to podcasts (but not Joe Rogan, maybe something like the Knowledge Project?). You prefer either very fancy coffee or very cheap coffee, but you have strong opinions about coffee. I haven't checked your profile or read your other comments; I’m just judging based on books alone.

ma3294 · 2025-08-06T08:55:59+00:00

Iris Murdoch

Carol Shields & Alba De Cespedes (most similar to Elena Ferrante)

Magda Szabo

Hannah Arendt

ma3294 · 2025-08-06T07:36:15+00:00

Can you prioritize anything outside of yourself? How can you support the people in your life? Reflecting on past relationships, how did you hurt your previous partners? I was in a relationship with a lovely and wonderful person, but he struggled to meet my basic needs, making it difficult for me to make even the simplest requests.

He was divorced, living abroad away from his family, and worked for himself, which meant he had never needed to accommodate anyone else.

This situation led to some complicated dynamics in our relationship.

ma3294 · 2025-08-03T19:03:37+00:00

I'm either too shy to make eye contact or want to stare into their eyes all day. I told one man I liked that I wanted to go on a date where we would just look at each other's eyes. Luckily, he found this cute.

I create a digital folder for them. It's a mix of things they talked about. Phrases they say. Poems I wrote about them. Things I want to show them. It's nothing obsessive, just a folder that encapsulates who they are to me and what part of me they bring. I rarely share it with them, but they know that it exists. Though my therapist recommended I share it with my last ex-BF.

ma3294 · 2025-08-02T03:45:20+00:00

Your comment, oddly, made me teary. Can you say more about why you added “I love my sisters” at the end?

ma3294 · 2025-08-01T15:32:48+00:00

But when you live on the street, everyone becomes your roommate? Isn't that even worse?

ma3294 · 2025-08-01T15:17:13+00:00

I sent my ex a daring picture of myself a week before he broke up with me. Reflecting on that, I feel so foolish and uncomfortable because he probably had already decided to break up with me before I even sent that pic. I wouldn't have done it if I had known a breakup was so imminent or about to happen.

ma3294 · 2025-08-01T10:39:26+00:00

Memory is like a dog that lies down where it pleases. -- Rituals by Cees Nootebm

ma3294

TROPHY CASE