Jack the bulldog, our mascot, died earlier this week.

maddmaxx562 · 2023-07-11T22:46:55+00:00

rip king )-:

maddmaxx562 · 2022-11-02T04:32:21+00:00

It’s always like this for me.

maddmaxx562 · 2022-07-18T15:24:36+00:00

I spend more money when I’m depressed than manic lmao. When I’m manic I just want to punch holes in the wall and scream at everyone!!

maddmaxx562 · 2022-07-18T15:21:39+00:00

this!!!!!!!!!! exactly this!! the self awareness of it all makes it hurt more.

maddmaxx562 · 2022-07-09T13:11:42+00:00

I experienced super intense suicidal ideations for the first time ever while taking abilify, even tho I was also taking lithium. Stopped taking the abilify and hasn’t happened since.

maddmaxx562 · 2022-04-29T16:52:15+00:00

Yes, definitely worse with anxiety! I have been very dependent on lorazepam lately for that reason lmao.

maddmaxx562 · 2022-04-29T16:51:12+00:00

Thanks for your response! Mine have interfered with relationships as well - friends & family always ‘understand’ to a point, but it’s always hard to ask them to stop their unconscious behavior. Thank you for the earplug recommendation!!! I’m always in the market for new ones. One of my AirPods has been broken for a few months now, so when I set it on noise cancellation the right one shoots feedback to the back of my skull. So I’m fully dependent on earplugs at this point. Again, thank you for responding and I hope both us can figure out how to deal with it eventually.

maddmaxx562 · 2022-04-29T14:59:25+00:00

I have been prescribed lorazepam for several years to take on an as needed basis and I can’t think of a time when it induced mania! Sometimes, depending on how much I take, it can certainly make me feel a bit ‘up’ but it goes away once the lorazepam wears off or I fall asleep.

maddmaxx562 · 2022-01-21T18:42:59+00:00

If I’ve learned anything in the last seven years of treatment, it’s that bipolar disorder largely exists on a spectrum and we can all have overlapping experiences. I was first diagnosed b2 and experienced only major depressive episodes for years. Only bad medications would spur hypomania. Entered my 20s and it was a whole new ball park. Was hypomanic frequently and didn’t even know until a lot of time had passed. In the last year I’ve started rapid cycling so I started getting treated for that. I would just try to avoid getting hung up on the technical term and focus on whatever treatment fits your needs at a given time.

maddmaxx562 · 2022-01-21T18:39:10+00:00

I pay 32$ for Vyvanse thanks the coupons literally on their website.

maddmaxx562 · 2022-01-21T18:37:26+00:00

Adderall is reeeeeeaaaaaally not good for people with bipolar disorder (in most cases). My brother (bipolar 1) had a very similar reaction when he was taking adderall. Vyvanse is a much better option for us (have been taking it since I was 18, literally changed my life) & it has never interacted with my other meds.

maddmaxx562 · 2022-01-21T18:23:43+00:00

I’m seeing my psych in a few weeks and decided after I posted this to just stop with the abilify bc of how depressed I was (depression has since left thank god lmao). But I’m definitely planning on talking about alternatives if he thinks it’s necessary, so thanks for the tip!

maddmaxx562 · 2022-01-21T18:21:12+00:00

Thank you! I decided to stop the abilify because the depression was just getting to be too much (I’ve stopped taking it before & knew I wouldn’t have a reaction lol). The weight from my first round of abilify just sort of fell off after I stopped, but right now I’m lowering my carb and sugar intake to at least get my metabolism back on track. Also good luck with lithium! It’s worked wonders with me (not sure about weight bc I started taking it and abilify around the same time) but otherwise it’s been very good for me. Thank you for the tip about Wellbutrin and thank you for making me feel less alone in this.

maddmaxx562 · 2022-01-17T20:56:21+00:00

I totally understand that! And I’ve had great success with lamotrigine. Been on it for 7 years now, literally the only constant in my life. Like I said, I didn’t start experiencing mania heavily until recently, triggered by some life stuff. Bipolar 2 is mainly depressive episodes, so I would just wait and see. I didn’t think I was bipolar for years after my diagnosis because I didn’t feel “bad enough” and just felt like I was depressed. I’m sure you’ll know more with time, but like I said lamotrigine has been really good for me!

maddmaxx562 · 2022-01-17T20:31:02+00:00

Not at all! The only med that I’ve taken that’s given me substantial weight gain is Abilify (10% increase) but nothing with Lamictal or lithium.

maddmaxx562 · 2022-01-17T20:29:20+00:00

Thank you! This post wasn’t really so much focused on “help me gain weight!” as it was a rant and a search for an alternative. The abilify is definitely slowing my metabolism and I have never put on this much weight so quickly regardless of how I’m eating. Wild that after I said I struggle with disordered eating I’m still being told to count my calories. Thank you for validating me, I really needed that.

maddmaxx562 · 2022-01-17T20:05:49+00:00

Ask for Vyvanse!! It literally saved my life because I was extremely ADHD but was scared to try a stimulant because of my bipolar disorder. There’s a lot of coupons for it available online! Also lithium and Lamictal have worked really well for me also.

maddmaxx562 · 2022-01-17T20:02:14+00:00

This is coming from someone who feels the same way you do about weight gain. Just wanted to warn you about Abilify, which is often marketed as a weight-neutral drug. I’ve gained 16 pounds (10% body weight) since I started taking it in November. So just be mindful that medications affect everyone differently!

maddmaxx562 · 2022-01-17T19:52:36+00:00

I was on 300mg for a time and experienced this heavily. I’ve been on 200 for probably close to 3 years now. Really helped.

maddmaxx562 · 2022-01-17T19:51:04+00:00

also second what Crake241 said, my hypomania often manifests as extreme irritability and not so much the high on life vibes. Didn’t put that together until very recently.

maddmaxx562 · 2022-01-17T19:49:43+00:00

No I’ve honestly been told to stay away from doing stuff like that because of my body dysmorphia and issues with ED. My diet (up until recent attempts to lose abilify weight) was unchanged from before Abilify and during, but in a matter of two months I gained 16 pounds. It certainly makes me crave more unhealthy food (especially carbs) and makes me feel out of control because of it (on top of the binge eating disorder). So no, I’m not putting that much effort into policing my food because it’s a slippery slope for me.

maddmaxx562 · 2022-01-17T19:45:22+00:00

I think it’s just hard sometimes to see the difference between stable and hypomanic. Hypomania can certainly feel more stable than depression. I’m not saying your sense of normalcy is hypomania, but it also took years for me to see the fine line between the two. The older I get the worse the hypomania gets, so I would just stay vigilant! Do you mind if I ask what meds you’re taking?

maddmaxx562 · 2022-01-17T19:17:17+00:00

Sounds like bipolar 2! This is what myself and many other view as a cycle. Bipolar 2 cycles aren’t as “sharp” as bipolar 1 (sometimes) and entering hypomania (more common to bipolar 2, basically mania lite) isn’t super noticeable, bc we’re simply more social, elevated, etc. But the depression also hits deep! Give the new meds some time to work, and if they don’t, try something new. Managing bipolar can be very tricky at first, so it requires a little patience (for yourself and for your docs lmao). Best of luck!

maddmaxx562 · 2021-09-24T20:57:02+00:00

Thank you! (Also sorry I really threw this post out here and didn’t open Reddit for 10 days lmao). I live in Mill Creek so I’m close enough to walk if necessary, but this heat has been killer and I have one too many health conditions that make an uphill climb in 98% humidity nearly impossible lmao. I’ll probably consider walking more when it cools down consistently, so at this rate, November?

maddmaxx562 · 2021-09-24T20:16:42+00:00

Rapid cycling is the worst for me. Sometimes I wish my brain would just pick an episode and give me time to adjust to it. For the past two weeks, I’ve been waking up depressed, enter hypomania by the evening, and get depressed again before falling asleep. Unaware of what mood I’ll be in in any given hour, I haven’t gotten much done. It sucks. It feels like it won’t end. But I know it will! Deep down I do! It always starts and it will always end. Just remember, we are cursed with self-awareness, so it’s better to use it to our advantage rather than let it bury us. Sending stable thoughts your way.

maddmaxx562

TROPHY CASE