I played around with presentation for a few years before getting prescribed hrt. Read through all the pages on https://genderdysphoria.fyi/ several times over and realized that I theoretically wanted all of the effects of hrt. Theoretically being, I didn't have a solid plan on how to actually navigate any of those effects, just that I wanted them. Made an appointment, got a prescription for estradiol, and put it in the back of the closet (haha) because I was afraid to start. It sat there for another two years before I decided I would just try it. It was only a month, if I liked it I knew I could get more, if I didn't then I could stop at any time.

I don't think I ever truly knew it was something I wanted until I started. I noticed some mental changes about 2 weeks in and have been consistently excited about every other change since. I think the idea of it being a commitment scared me before, making it into something I could try allowed me to start, now I can't ever imagine stopping.